Hello everyone,
first of all I would like to say thank you to everyone who posted in this forum. It has been a tremendous help this last week and managed to set things into perspective.
I've been smoking weed most of my adult life (17-27) with a break during my semester abroad and always felt good doing it. It became a daily habit after I moved out of my parent's house up until I decided to take a break abroad because I knew noone who could sell to me and I wasn't looking for it. I wish I would have stopped for good then and there...
After I came back into my usual surroundings I quickly relapsed and with the ongoing Corona lockdown it grew to an unprecendented amount. I would wake up, casually roll myself a big one and have it on the balcony with a mug of espresso. I was functioning pretty well, getting good grades and working out. I would continue to smoke during the day and even pack prerolled joints for whenever I went to my parent's place.
Fast forward to almost 3 months ago when I had a serious paranoid episode. At first it all seemed normal and logical to me but after realizing there was something not quite right, I quit the next day.
Since then life has been rather difficult in contrast to the high times before (pun intended). The first couple of weeks have been dominated by the sheer fear of going insane. I was beside myself, constantly on google reading about different mental illnesses. I've seen a lot of changes in myself after quitting like anxiety and depression and it all contributed to me slowly going mad. This continued even after I thought all the THC should have been out of my body and greatly enhanced my fears because I couln't explain it. The last time abstinent had been nothing like this and I couldn't make the connection.
Nevertheless, things actually started to improve for a little while before I had a panic attack after a heavy night of drinking and two nights of not sleeping properly. Funnily enough I met a psychologist in the bar and spoke to her about my fears and she reassured me there was little to worry about (I think in this field, you can never be 100% certain). The next day anxiety of never beeing normal again hit me so hard I went to the hospital to speak with a psychiatrist (who also calmed me down about mental illnesses) and was given some sleeping pills.
Then I've stumbled across this forum and it all started to make a lot more sense. Reading about other experiences really calmed me down and although it will probably take a while, there is solace in knowing I'm not alone and things will get brighter given time. So again big thank you to all contributors
Apart from the anxiety and fatigue (although I see myself on the lighter side of things after reading some of the posts here) what has actually been troubling me the most has been persistent earworms. Constantly every day since around my one month mark of beeing sober. They disappear when I concentrate on other stuff or watch TV but as soon as my mind is wandering there is (most of the time) the last song I heard on repeat. Has anyone else experienced this? Will it ever go away? It is so distressing to hear the same lines of song in my head for hours on repeat...