Having A Rotten Life and Anger

By way of General Principle which I try to live by, while aware that I should be guarding against any personal Angry Behavior , is the notion that there is never any justification for acting Angry. This seems to be a necessary Thought to keep in mind while many in the Anger Management Community seem never to let up on the constant chorus that ‘anger is natural’, that ‘everyone gets angry’, and that sometimes ‘anger is helpful’. Now, when a person is in a situation in life where even a mild display of Anger would raise an Alarm such as “Look, He is still as Angry as Ever… I knew they should have Fired Him” , or, “He said he would change but, Look, he is still the same old ‘Hot Head’… Mother was right… I should have left Him.” Well, as in such cases, when Anger can very likely really screw up your Life, it is a Good Thing to ignore all the Apologists for ‘Natural Anger’, and those who claim that Anger can have its Benefits, and strictly resolve to have absolutely No Tolerance for Anger in one’s Behavior.

Now, that being said, I am fully aware that there are Things in Life that could provoke all but the calmest of persons to Anger. Usually just the normal interactions with Rude, Self Absorbed, Stupid People is enough to push the level of Frustrations and Social Stress to something of a breaking point. And, yes, while I still maintain completely that any outburst, even in the face of a thousand provocations, cannot be justified, still, one must concede the point that it is far easier to remain Calm and Peaceful if one is in a Calm and Peaceful setting.

Yes, of course, people often have almost no control over where they must go or who they must deal with, especially young people still in School, or who must work at the only Job where they could get hired. But there are still areas where we can exert our control.

For instance, in regards to Relationships –Anyone familiar with this Anger Management Forum realizes that a great percentage of the posts that come in are from people who are Angry in their Relationships, that is, totally optional Relationships that they chose to be in. Yes, of course, some Relationships could be totally beneficial, such as encouraging friendship with a very happy, steady kind of a person who seems thoughtful and considerate and who can be tolerant and patient with the kind of accidents and mishaps that can be expected in Life, that is, precisely the kind of person you could trust to Not Make Your Life Any Worse Than It Already Is. But is that the kind of Person we generally hook up with? But Wait! It is not always the Fault of the Other Person. Ask yourself whether or not if you were with even the Perfect Person, you would not encounter areas of Friction or Contention? Maybe Mr. or Miss Perfect insists on having a Life of his or her Own – a better or worse Job then you have, friends that you hate, opinions you disagree with, different standards for home cleanliness and personal hygiene, etc, etc etc. Indeed, sometimes it could be quite annoying to be living with even a Saint.

So it has become a reflex with me, that when somebody writes in and says “My Partner makes me Angry”, to respond, well, what’s stopping you from getting out of that Relationship. Yes, you have to Deal with the Things that You Cannot Possibly Avoid, but, these Troublesome Relationships are almost always optional. TV, Media, and Movies have most people conditioned to Expect to be in Relationships. Of course, there is the Sex Drive, and although the easiest solution for dealing with some pesky sex impulse is never more than an arms-length away, still people are Conditioned to find Partners, and often they look for them where they have very little choice. I wish that TV, Media, and the Movies would focus more on Happy and Independent Lives and stories of Friendship or Great Accomplishment, or at least portray their “Love Stories” realistically – the conflicts and arguments, and the steady Compromising of your Own Life Away to Nothing just to please the arbitrary wishes of another person, and even after all of That, Still most of these Love Relationships end in Breakup, Disappointment, or Silent Bitterness or Profound Boredom. But the Media gives us and endless supply of ‘Happy Endings’. It screws up our Perceptions. We tend to expect ‘Happy
Ending’ in Real Life. But, really, if you want to play the odds that are in your favor, you should avoid optional Relationships which will minimize your exposure to unnecessary grief and aggravation.