by PAWSBOOK » Tue Dec 01, 2020 1:45 pm
For everyone hesitating to post their success stories, I will share mine first.
I used to smoke weed recreationally since I was 17 years old. I really had a love/hate relationship with it. When I became 20 years old the anxiety I used to receive from weed was diminished. There was no hate anymore. I truly believed that weed is a life enhancer where you have plenty of energy to discover the realms of your mind. It creates amazing scenes where all of your friends can't stop laughing, as if you are having the best time of your life.
I kept convincing my friends to start smoking weed with me, to have the greatest summer of all time. This was a great time for us. We look back at this with pure nostalgia and respect for the plant. We smoked weed together every amazing summer night until each and everyone's stack was empty. Because we always wanted to foster these happy moments as long as possible.
However, things quickly turned around. The summer was over and we were heading into a dark and depressing time, the winter. In the beginning, weed was a coping mechanism to survive this yearly struggle. Where plenty of people use alcohol and parties to get through this time. We used weed and considered it to be the most wholesome solution there is. Waking up without a hangover and the ability to intoxicate ourselves multiple times a week, instead of only every Saturday night. I even persuaded my girlfriend to use weed occasionally with me. Because even when spending time with my partner, I wanted to be high. I must say she thoroughly enjoyed every little part of smoking weed with me. But also she learned to appreciate the plant's mystical experiences.
Fast forwarding, COVID-19 came out of the blue and changed all of our lives. In the country I live, the restrictions were not as strict as in other parts of the world. We were allowed to go outside. It was summer, so it was all we did. High all the freaking time. But it wasn't as great as last year summer. Instead of laughing, acting crazy and doing stupid sh**. We talked all night. Talking about the negativity going on in the world and in our own lives. My friends and I all had something to be whining about. The anxiety we experienced when we were younger came back. Hangovers started to affect our lives. It caused us to adopt terrible eating habits, poor sleep and a huge decrease in motivation showing up as procrastination of things that really matter.
Smoking weed together was different, and not for the better. I have always been a very motivated person my whole life, but weed sucked it all out of me. My progress in life was set on pause. I hated it so much that I decided to quit. I wanted to be my old self again and work on creating a great future.
As expected, I experienced acute withdrawal. I sweat my donkey off daily that summer and was never able to sleep. It felt like the nerves in my skin were fried, super tingly. I was never in the mood for anything. Even the best summer days with my friends I wasn't really there. I became very paranoia as if I was always high. Food didn't taste great anymore. Alcohol or cigarettes made the feeling only worse. I quit everything, knowing that all these substances are toxic for me and life should be lived without them.
After 4-6 weeks, I felt a lot better. I started my internship where I performed like a machine. No more sweating, tiredness, anxiety or depression. I was happy that the worst was over. But oh boy, is this far from the truth.
I became way more anxious than before, on a daily basis. It was the unexpected, so-called post-acute withdrawal. Which according to many could last up to 2-3 years. It was terror. My brain function was gone, with no ability to function under stress, listen or understand concepts and form words or concepts myself. I was literally socially inept. Which caused all types of frustrations towards people where I became enraged but wasn't able to tell them why. After the confrontation, I was always so confused whether it was me or them.
This went on for months, fluctuating from good to bad days. Some days I was depressed, some anxious, some both. The symptoms really changed from week-to-week. I had experienced daily headaches, lethargy, anxiety, depression, blurred vision, trouble breathing, muscle aches and bodily tension.
At 4 months, everything changed. I became more myself and was able to properly socialize again. With more good than bad days. The bad days weren't as bad anymore. I knew that I was in the direction of recovering and that it indeed was possible. Now after 8 months I can say that I am fully recovered. I am my old self again and life has never been better. I am extremely motivated and happy. Everything is great.
I'm truly blessed that I was able to partly work at home due to COVID-19. It saved me so much terror and frustration. I only smoked for 2 years. I cannot even comprehend what some people have to go through. All but respect for these people. I now see that we can see PAWS as a teacher. Everything that goes up, must go down. You're not supposed to be high all the time. Life is all about balance. Maintaining our own balance as an individual is key to leading a happy life.
I learned that weed is a dangerous substance that can only be used in moderation, but which is impossible when you lose awareness of your use due to impaired memory caused by weed itself. It is the reason why my partner and I investigated ourselves fully in the research of post-acute withdrawal. We now understand why weed is so addictive and damaging. We have written our book to help addicts recover from weed and guide them through their long journey. We hope that by creating an accessible source of information we can prevent addicts from relapsing and lead them to a life of sobriety.
Kind regards,
James