Help me find an outlet!

Alaskancreole wrote:... he pops back into my life and sucks me in again. I've been burying my anger towards myself for feeling so weak. I want help! What do I do?

You can't control him, or the females, or anyone else. Every ounce of energy, every single thought that focuses on them is just wasting your time. There is only a single point of leverage in this equation...you. You are the point of leverage that you can control. He can't suck you back in without you agreeing to it.

What you do is you focus on you and your actions. You can leave. You can stop answering texts/calls. You can even block calls. You can distance yourself and have all communication be through a lawyer or trusted relative, etc. You can even go so far as to have someone else authorized to pick up the kids, etc. You can also focus your time on improving your coping skills, you can set some goals, you can start accomplishing things that have nothing to do with him or that aspect of your life. The more hours of the day you are focused on you and things other than him the better. Every hour, every minute you spend thinking of him is another hour where you are giving him that power. He is not taking it, you are giving it.

You're absolutely correct, but I think that's what angels me the most. I'm being weak and allowing him to affect me this way. I'm angry at myself.

I think you have to learn something about "setting your boundaries".
You are angry because "you believe that you are not allowed to have boundaries".
To say: NO!
To say: Until here and no step further.
To say: It's enough. Get out of my way.
To say: Shut up, I was talking.

You are afraid inside and because of that fear you let yourself threat like a bag of garbage.
You need some help, and you need sharing your thoughts and feelings to others who you can trust.

Alaskancreole wrote:You're absolutely correct, but I think that's what angels me the most. I'm being weak and allowing him to affect me this way. I'm angry at myself.

So that is where you focus all of your energy. Not on him and things you can't control, but on you. Take steps to distance yourself from him. Obviously a big step,is if you go on some dates, find another man. But smaller steps include blocking his calls, etc.

Forget him. It will be hard. But he is a waste of your life. Start doing the things you always wanted to, but couldn't because he was always dragging you down.

Maybe get a gym membership. Working out helps me manage stress and anger. Or even join a yoga club. Meditation is good too.

Hi Alaskacreole,

Richard... one of the Best Anger Management Forum Helpers in the World... was batting a '1000' until he suggested replacing One Man with Another. Intuitively, it isn't such a bad idea, BUT, in practical terms it is entirely likely that you might use the Same Selection Process to get your Next Man that you used to get this Previous Mis-Fit Sack of Trouble. So, it would probably be Just Better to REALLY focus on yourself -- College Classes... all the Books you have always meant to read, or take a New and Better Job just for the Challenge of It (and get the Job by interviewing with obvious enthusiasm). Anyway, before thinking of Another Man, take some time and make absolutely sure you have your own head on straight.

And I understand why you are now presently upset with yourself, or I think I do. Procrastinators always feel a bit 'On Edge' when they let work pile up. There is that Hesitancy to Just Do It, and it leads to a gnawing restlessness. I've learned to recognize the feeling, and I let it guide me to Jump in and Start Getting Things Done when they begin to Seem That Important. It Makes Me Feel Better. I think the Same Kind of Thing is now happening to you. You KNOW what you should do, but you seem stuck in place. You will Finally Feel a Whole Lot Better when you Just Do what you KNOW you have to do. As the mystics say "A Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with the First Step".

Alaskancreole wrote:So, quick breakdown: PTSD. Bipolar. Been going through severely stressful situations for four years straight. Custody battles, spouse cheating, spouse becoming addicted to drugs. My husband and I are still married but separated. The agreement was he would get help and I would wait for him. We aren't supposed to be seeing other people. I've given up on the "not seeing other people" part. He may or may not have already gotten two girls pregnant. He seeks no help for his drug use. He doesn't help with his bills or joint debts. I carry the load alone. As soon as I'm over the situation and start moving on he pops back into my life and sucks me in again. I'm angry. Beyond angry! Like a rabid dog caged just waiting to get out. I'm a burying kind of person. I push the anger down and try to pretend it doesn't exist. Then one day it just explodes. I've been burying my anger towards him, my ex, these females, drugs, and mostly myself for feeling so weak, for 4 years. I'm feeling like I'm bubbling over and not sure if I can stop it or find a release at this point that will allow me to release enough to stay sane without an explosion. I need help. I want help! What do I do?

First get a divorce. This is a bad situation and you need closure. While you are thinking that time apart while he gets help and getting back together, you are leaving yourself open to abuse and wasting your time. Find another man. There are a lot of fish in the sea.

You can be sucked back in by a cheat. Understand the cheat and it no longer works. And that cheat is also used in a different way to make you more angry than you wold be normally about the issues involved. This is done by posing a concealed threat. You don't acknowledge it consciously so you are not aware that the extra energy is due to fear. Thus any injustices or violations, which normally make one angry, are fueled.
Here is how the cheat is done: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nxUl19 ... AuxWZ2DzEg
It is 5 videos in all and a total of about 1 1/2 hours.

How you get sucked in again? A fall in love at first sight cheat, used in various way, often to "re-ignite caring or attraction". Here: https://kyrani99.wordpress.com/2011/12/ ... game-play/

I strongly suspect that PTSD is done by reminding you of a past bad time. It can only be done by someone closely related as it requires ESP, i.e., mental suggestion. Someone, possibly your husband, is messing with your mind. Reject the ideas and replace them with positive ideas of future events that you select and attract into your life.

Yes, Kyranni might be absolutely right about the insidious influence of ESP and destructive Mental Suggestions.

Many people who find Invasive ESP to be a real problem resort to the relatively inexpensive measure of wearing headgear fashioned out of Aluminum Foil. You see, the Aluminum Foil acts as a Shield against these External Thought Waves.

However, I have found that with practice, one can simply learn how to Evaluate the Content of One's Mind, and whether the Dysfunctional Ideas source from Within or from Without, all one really has to do is Ignore the Bad Ideas, and then apply one's self to Thinking Up Ideas that are more Socially Adaptive and geared more toward advancing one's Success and Happiness in Life. But I could always fall back on my good old faithful Aluminum Foil Hat...

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Hi Wynni,

Look at yourself and tell us all why YOU deserve a man with a Heart of Gold. It sounds like you would provide a life of hell on earth for any such poor innocent fool. He'd be relentlessly spied on, wouldn't he? I would suppose that your suspicions would be raised by anything. You may have been encouraged in your divorce by mercenary and predatory lawyers, and by Judges who used to make a living themselves as mercenary predators -- that whole Legal Rat Pack sticks together exactly like a den of thieves. So these twisted and amoral professional predators encouraged you and praised your cunning. I suppose you have no idea what the general public would think of your illegal and unsavory behavior. Please, for the sake of Humanity, on all first dates pour your heart out to these men and tell them how your ex-spouse cheated on you relentlessly and how you had to resort to spying on his every move and breaking into every one of his devices and accounts, but, certainly, you would never do such a thing to a man with a Heart of Gold. Yes, give them fair warning. And I have news for you, Wynni, every man I know has a heart of flesh and blood.

Get to an Al-Anon meeting.

Use whatever advice is above, but going to a safe place where you can talk about what's happening with people who are going through and have gone through similar struggles helps immensely.

Pray to God.