Hey, so I've been floating around here and I think I've finally realised what is wrong with me.
I've been off weed (20 years, last 10 years daily use of very strong buds) for coming up on 4 months now and I've been in hell. It started off slow but has been peaking in intensity.
Symptoms that have surfaced after quitting:
Sweating hands and feet
Foul smelling gas all the time
Get 'flu-like' chills (super fun with the sweating hands and feet)
Anxiety (insane anxiety that I've never experienced)
Depression (same)
Emotionless / Emotional (sometimes I feel nothing, other times I just can't stop crying)
Ringing in my ears
Heart palps
DP/DR (constant)
Anhedonia (take no pleasure in ANYTHING)
No motivation
Restlessness (that's a fun one, because I always want to be doing something, but have no motivation to do anything)
Can't relate to people, feel like I'm existing in the world through a fog.
Insane dreams (sometimes super vivid and they stick with me all day, sometimes not so bad)
But here's the real fun part, so I was on benzo's for like 3 months and went off those more or less cold turkey at my DRs advice, so I've been thinking it was that this whole time. And maybe that plays a part in it, but more than anything, reading on these boards, I'm seeing more and more that if it IS that, it's weed related PAWS too.
So I did a number on my brain, either way and I'm stuck here with the repercussions. A part of me wants to start smoking again, as I feel it will ease these symptoms if I just go back to the way I was, but I'm afraid of the anxiety I was feeling before resurfacing (the reason I quit, started getting really bad anxiety). So I just don't know what to do other than to hold out and work towards this getting better.
I realise it's going to take a ton of time and am in it for the long haul. I feel incredibly down on myself but have no choice but to get through this. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
The last months have been insane. Everyday I wake up with an steadily increasing sense of anxiety that lasts pretty much throughout the day. Most days it peaks around 1AM and then starts to slide off. Lately (within the past week or so) I'm having better days (less symptoms and can relate to people better, but I still feel like a space alien) but those pass and I end up back in serious hell.
I honestly don't know if it's weed or benzo related, but either way I'm in a sh** place that I have to crawl my way out of. I've gone this far, so don't have much choice but to keep going.
I'm scared shitless, but have a strong girlfriend who is helping me through this and the support of my family, so I will get through, but I'm just f***ing terrified of the person I've become and that I will always be this person. I'm so f***ing scared.