by MMJnomo » Sat Dec 18, 2021 6:48 pm
I think this thread is a great idea. It will be very helpful for anyone who needs help and encouragement in their PAWS journey. I hope more people will add to it because I love reading stories of recovery.
My post is going to be very, very long, so I apologize in advance for that. But it is my hope that anyone who needs encouragement or hope will find just a little bit from my experience with PAWS.
I am currently 11 months medical marijuana free, as of tomorrow the 19th. I am 2 years alcohol free as of December 12th. To answer your questions:
My worst symptoms of marijuana PAWS were:
Depersonalization/derealization
EXTREME brain fog
EXTREME dizziness
Feeling like I would pass out
Depression
Anxiety- continuous with panic attacks sprinkled in just for fun
Pain in muscles and joints
Jaw clenching to the point of bruxism and tooth damage
Anhedonia- no interest in anything, didn’t care about anything or anyone
Inability to concentrate or think clearly
Muscle twitching
Nerve weirdness- electric zaps, internal tremors, buzzing
Extreme fatigue and episodes of crashing fatigue when I was doing things
Insomnia
Vision problems- blurry vision, floaters
Stomach and digestive system problems
Suicidal thoughts- complete hopelessness
That’s all that I can remember right now. If anyone has a question about any other specific symptoms I didn’t mention, please feel free to ask. I probably omitted some because I just don’t remember them right now.
Everything began to get much better at 8 months. Major turning point. I did have one bad wave around 9 months that lasted about a week. After that, everything got significantly better. I was in bad shape before that. I thought I would never feel better, I was hopeless, I was avoiding people because I felt so horrible I couldn’t even participate in conversations. I was so dizzy that I felt like I was on a boat for at least the first 6 months. I felt spaced out and almost stoned all the time. I thought I had brain damage or that I was developing dementia. I mean, I was in really bad shape and felt like I was dying every single day. I never had waves-every day was torture. I really only started having the waves of brief bad days after 8 months. I still have little waves, but they don’t last long now.
The only lingering daily things are the muscle twitching and the weird nerve feelings. However, I also got shingles during this ordeal and it is my understanding that sometimes people can have lingering muscle twitching and nerve issues from that. So, it’s hard to tell which one is causing that for me. But it doesn’t interfere with my life at all, so I am good. It’s just annoying.
I feel pretty much recovered. I have the occasional day of feeling a little out of sorts with some of the symptoms coming back briefly (these are the waves I just mentioned), but the beautiful thing about going through the brutal hell of paws is that even if I have a bad day or a few bad days, I can handle it because I know it will pass and even my worst day now is absolutely nothing compared to the days when I was lying in bed and reading this forum over and over just looking for comfort and hope. That’s the gift of the negative- it’s a gift to be able to compare how I feel now to how I felt at my worst and to be able to see the improvement. It’s also a gift to have gone through the brutality of paws because it will definitely keep me from ever drinking alcohol or using marijuana again. I don’t ever want to go through this again and my sobriety was very hard-earned (just like yours is) and I am not giving up this sober life that I slugged through the forests of hell to get to. Another gift of the negative.
When I first came to this forum I was constantly looking for others who were experiencing my symptoms. I was seeking comfort, wisdom, and hope for healing. Now my reason for visiting this forum is to give back to others by providing some encouragement and hope for anyone who needs it. It’s the very least I can do because I am so thankful for all of the people who posted their experiences here and helped me so much.
If you’re new on the PAWS journey or if you’ve been on the journey for a while and are struggling, please know that it all gets better. You heal as long as you don’t use mind-altering substances. As you know, everyone is unique in their healing time and some heal much faster than I have and some might need a little longer. It just takes time. You have to be patient (very hard ) and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend who was struggling. Be well and believe in yourself.