Road to Recovery

Hi Everyone,

I've been following this forum for a few weeks and decided I would join to share my journey. I've smoked weed for about 10 years with about 4 years being rather heavy usage.

I was able to successfully cut down to smoking Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only for the past 6 months but I need to quit entirely. The reduction hasn't helped and things are still getting worse.

For some time now I've noticed that I'm not as mentally agile/aware as I used to be and it has really affected my work and relationships. I have no motivation to work and find myself constantly lethargic. The brain fog is so bad that I have a hard time conveying my thoughts effectively and I just hate it so much.

On the outside I'm successful but internally I know I'm on the edge of losing everything. I hide from problems, I can't effectively navigate complex or semicomplex problems, etc etc. I hate what I've done to myself and find that I hate myself a lot of days. My anxiety is borderline unbearable and I feel like breaking down at least twice a week. I'm not suicidal by any means but the thought of death seems like a relief at times...

Honestly... I don't know what this post is turning in to and I apologize for the aimlessness of the entire thing but I just need to get it out somehow. I just can't stress how much I hate what I've become and that I let it go on for so damn long.

I've wanted to quit for 3 years now. This time I'm going to do it. I've dumped what was left and will not turn back. I know it will take time but I just want to stop feeling the way I feel so badly.

Reading everyone's posts helps a lot. I will be here often and share as I go. Hopefully one day someone will see this first post and see another post from me 2, 4, 8 months from now and see that things do get better and find motivation from it. That's what everyone's posts have done for me.