axisdominance wrote:Ok so I have shown the cat a lot of love, and he has come around to show me affection, he sleeps beside me almost every night. . I have altered his behavior he is timid to play with me, and wont jump up on me anymore. He will bite me when playing then immediately lick me or look to stop playing possibly fearing me. I am much more happy with him, but still have noticed some anger in my thoughts when he is being timid or acting difficult, I have flashes of anger and want to hurt him a little, and find myself grinding my teeth. I have disciplined him about 2 times since then but only have smacked his bottom, except one time when we playing and he ran from me in a flash of anger I grabbed him and threw him on my bed and he accidentally hit my fan, I could tell it might have hurt him, or scared him as he froze up and looked scared.
Dear Ax,
Well, great, you are Working the Problem and I can say you are making Progress. Please let me share a few observations:
1) the Cat is a Young Cat and could quite possibly live more than 20 years. I have 2 Cats that I should tell you about... the First is Foxxy Buddy. He was a strange Feral Cat when I took him In... he had no Fear of anybody, which is more typical of feral cats. I might have thought that he had been Socialized as a Kitten, which is still a possibility, but he is Part Siamese, and at the Same Time he came along, so did a couple of Part Siamese Female Cats, and THEY Definitely were 100% Feral... sneaky, elusive, suspicious and shy. The Case may be that Foxxy was just Naturally what they call "Bold", that is, he was born Fearless... or Fearless until somebody gives him actual cause to worry. But he had Nothing Against Strangers, and this worried me emmensely.... he'd let some Killer Kid just walk up and shoot him between the eyes with a BB Gun. So I took him in. He was my Fourth Cat at the time, and I DID want to Limit to Three. But he came in as a Big Kitten but still well within his first Year. He was a joy to have around. and he played and made friends (for Life) with my other Male Cat, Big Bear (a big fat Full Breed Siamese -- Silver... He was Beautiful!). But while I found Games that he liked to play, he never was much into Quality Time. Only Later did I figure out that in a Multicat Household, that the Subordinate Cats may limit their Expectations of Quality Time in Deference to the Cats with More Social Status. Now, Nine Years Later, Foxxy Buddy is a Virtual Snuggle Bug (and Now he has ALL the Social Status in the World, since he Out Lived his Betters...
Then there is Nora Bora, a Charming Black Female, who is relatively Large for a Female, here on the Islands. Most Cats are Feral and were Raised by Mothers who had only Marginal Food Supplies, so Nobody was very well nourished, and so most Feral Cats are stunted in growth and are a bit Small as Adults.... but since Small, in such Cases, is Most Common Situation with Cats here, any NORMAL Cat seems HUGE. For a while Nora Bora, a FEMALE was actually my longest and tallest Cat --- Big Bear only beat her in Heft!... Being a "Bear". I think I met Nora Bora when she was a Kitten. I had been visiting the Pet Stores in order to help socialize the New Kittens and to help overcome the shyness and reticence of the Older Cats for Sale. I would visit every Afternoon after work and Play with them. the Older Ones might not want to play, BUT, they can't resist Hide and Seek.... you reach into their Cage and Pet them and rough up their fur and give them a few "Thumps" .... ALL so that they will think you are SIMILAR to whoever Owned them before, and THEN you suddenly duck down under their Sight... Disappear.... then after about 5 seconds you make the faintest little 'Animal Sound', and then WAIT a few moments for the Bait to Take. If you Time it Just Right, then when you Pop Up it will be just as the Cat begins to come forward to Investigate. Then I would Let out a Big Joyess Laugh, and the Cat would Realize that SOMEBODY NEW (besides its Last Departed Owner) just Played With Him. So he would begin to look at Every New Person as a Possible Play Mate.
But Nora Bora may have just been one of the many Black Kittens I socialized. I called them "Cage Monkeys" ... they had so much Energy and were so slim and light that they had plenty of Strength for bearing their full weight, and so they spent much of their time in climbing up the Sides of the Cage. To Socialize them, I would just take them one at a time and hold them over my Breast Bone. You See, I had Discovered Something... if I was a PHD in the Field I would Publish It, but if you take a Wild and Disturbed and even VIOLENT 'little' Kitten (while the fur still looks like Kitten Fur -- Pinfeathers and Such.. and not smoothed back like Adult Cat Fur), well, as soon as you press them onto your Breast Bone they Hear your Heart Beating, and THIS apparently Kicks In an Inhibition to any violence... any Biting or Clawing.... BECAUSE, I suspect, that this is when they might Still be Nursing on their Mother, and so they have an INSTINCTIVE Mechanism in their list of Instincts to keep them from doing ANYTHING that might harm the Mother Cat. But a Heart is a Heart is a Heart. Those Crazy Hissy and Spitting 'little' kittens that I grab and Slam into my Breast Bone... well, the Pacification of Instinct is Instantaneous. It works every time... but... the trick is to be able to judge the Borderline between a 'little' kitten and one who had outgrown the instinct and will try to rip your heart out and eat it! the Devil is Always in the details, isn't it?
anyway, Nora Bora was probably one of a Litter of Kittens who were both a Joy and a Disappointment to me. I would go into the Pet Store and while 20 feet from the Cage make one of my Animal Noises... the Kitten would all look up and go on Alert and Climb the Side of the Cage closest to me. Who wouldn't Love that. I would take each kitten and hold it on my breast bone and stroke it and give it little kisses... and they would each LOVE IT for about 7 seconds and then Wiggle as though to say they had enough for one day. Well, I could have used a few more seconds of THEIR quality time...
anyway, when I got Nora Bora she was a Big Runaway Kitten... kept escaping from her Owner and would come out side and try to Join my Feral Cat Feeding Station... I think she might have recognized my Loud Animal Noise that I would use to summon all the Feral Cats for Feeding Time... it was like the Pet Store Noise, only Louder. I made arrangements with the Owner and took her in. but while she was a Great Cat, still she was pleased with just a few seconds of Quality Time a day. but now, 8 years later... that Cat is a Virtual Nuisance for Affection!
So, with Cats, it often takes Time.... Years!
Now, with Yourself... I hope you have notice that your TEETH GRINDING is a Sure Sign of Immanent Anger. This is WHEN you should Alert to It and go into Full Relax Mode. For Myself, it is when I clench my Jaw. If you pay attention you might notice that you yourself Clench Your Jaw before you Grind your Teeth. The Sooner you Catch the Onset of Anger, the easier it is to Stop It. You see, the Process starts with the release of Adrenaline and it all happens quickly after that, BUT Fractions of a Second DO matter. I have found that I can completely and easily shut down Anger if I Jump In just as I first clench my teeth.
Anyway, just keep Trying to be Good, and I am sure you will Figure Out the Way.