2 years recovery (PAWS) my story

Congrats BVL,

I'm a year and 2 month and it has gotten so much better, but still not out the woods yet. It's always great to hear such awesome success stories.

OSR

6months ago i got too high and panicked off of weed. Its been BAD. Like ill have good weeks and severe bad weeks. Recently my anxiety before bed has come back and the brain fog and the lack of concentration. Feeling like im mentally losing it. Getting frustrated so easily. Its been scary and i just need to know that theres a light at the end. I dont know
What else to do. It has been worst. The first 3 months were complete hell. But its still not great and i need to be normal. With no worried thoughts that im stuck like this forever.. Cause that brings the anxiety. Ive dealt with the depersonalization .. It hasnt returened. That tripped me out also 😩😔. Pray for me guys as i hope ill have the same testimony in abt another 6 months that i am restored

Ruak wrote:6months ago i got too high and panicked off of weed. Its been BAD. Like ill have good weeks and severe bad weeks. Recently my anxiety before bed has come back and the brain fog and the lack of concentration. Feeling like im mentally losing it. Getting frustrated so easily. Its been scary and i just need to know that theres a light at the end. I dont know
What else to do. It has been worst. The first 3 months were complete hell. But its still not great and i need to be normal. With no worried thoughts that im stuck like this forever.. Cause that brings the anxiety. Ive dealt with the depersonalization .. It hasnt returened. That tripped me out also 😩😔. Pray for me guys as i hope ill have the same testimony in abt another 6 months that i am restored

Ruak, did you quit smoking?

Yes.. Havent smoked since that night in october

Dear BLV and others,

I would more than Love to share a similar life changing experience with you guys Here.

I am 23/02/1988 born guy. (so you have an idea of my age on every event I would mention here).

I started smoking cannabis from early 2005. It used to be obviously mild use initially. With time the use transformed into abuse. I smoked on and off like hell taking short brakes not more than 1-2 weeks or months which a doper takes and feels better and gets back to work. I decided that cannabis is taking a toll on my life so decided to quit it big time therefore quit it on the 26th of Jan 2010. Was 100% sober till mid March of 2012, so that is well over 2 years of sobriety. I remember I was a clear thinking, natural euphoric guy After the paws of more than an year- 1n half. So had a Proper relapse after the March of 2012 till September the 1st 2012. I had to go to London for my post graduate studies, so thought will stay clean and was determined. So I was sober back again. sh** that happened there was that there were lot of new wannabe doperz there in my hostel and everywhere around, so IT did contribute to another relapse where my subconscious thought let's smoke that sh** in the airaand show these fake nigas how it's done. Lol.
So I had a relapse in mid December of the 2012. I started skunk (Relatively more potent form of weed) there everyday 5-8 joints a day and went on ruthlessly until only to come across this experience which changed my life when I had this Panic attack on the 2nd or 3rd of May 2013. After that I had it every day and also had to go to Accidental and Emergency unit in London itself. So out of the blue I came back to India on 10th of May 2013, thank god my written exams were done. Here I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Mild to moderate depression. I was not a depressed before this incident of Panic and anxiety. I was put on medicines by my shrink. I recovered gradually and got rid of my medication. Only to **** it up again in July 2014. Where I had another relapse. I was feeling deep down better that This time I would be quitting voluntarily again. And I finally did on this 21st of Jan 2015.

It has been slightly more than 3 months today and I am Ok and determined to live a sober life ahead of this.
The problems I am suffering currently are Generalized Anxiety, Mild depression at times, foggy brain and other symptoms similar to the ones evident in PAWS. I am confused if whether these symptoms are PAWS related itself, or there is an underlying ailment. Personally I can comfortably state that I am not an Anxious and depressed person taking into consideration my basis nature. So I'm wondering if it's PAWS.

Kindly Help Dear Bruvs.
Cheers.

Hi Sync,

There seems to be an underlying issue in reference to anxiety. Have you been to therapy? A lot of times we self-medicate. When we have anxiety or depression, weed seems to be the answer to everything. It makes us happier, less anxious, sometimes even more social. Those effects are temporary and usually manifest into a deeper depression or anxiety.

When I say you were self mediicating, it does not mean that you purposefully sought out marijuana to feel better, but marijuana was so great that you became addicted.

Going through PAWS doesn't mean you are going to feel anxiety free after. Ridding yourself of the marijuana will definitely help you cope with your anxiety. i highly suggest seeing a therapist that understands addiction.

One thing I've seen is that marijuana addiction can lead to major schizophrenic and depressive/anxious states, so it's best to stop sooner rather than later.

Congrats on your 3 months and stay strong!

OSR

After one year and nearly a couple of months free, I am starting to have some serious anxiety issues. I can't blame PAWS for all of that however, but I do wonder.

As I kept mentioning, I was mostly depressed and irritable with Seasonal Affective disorder for most of my year free. I was put on a low dose of medication for that and a mood stablizer. Well, as soon as it started to brighten up around here more and more, I found I didn't need the medication and suddenly I am hit with severe anxiety some days. I don't really believe this is due to the medication withdrawal because I was on so little and tapered myself off.

It's like the kind of thing where you would think ok, no big deal - just channel it into something productive, but it's the kind of anxiety that is so ungrounding that you can't calm down enough to focus it and everything feels like a cluster f**k trying to get done. And the day passes by very quickly and before I know it, I have not done what I thought I'd get done by then. I have felt at times like my heart was pounding out of my chest - like today. Everything seems unreal.

I don't think I have had this level of anxiety in my life since my early twenties and late teens. I used to have full on panic attacks where I had to leave wherever I was and get somewhere I felt safe. I wasn't a big chronic weed smoker back then and the times the worst of these happened, I was off anything for a year.

I am now seeing that I definitely self-medicated with weed. And I thought that even though the anxiety was an issue while smoking weed, it seemed to be more of a controlled anxiety in that at least you know exactly what it was and that it would wear off in an hour. This other anxiety seems to hit whenever and last all day - sometimes 2-3 days.

Anyway, I have been paying a lot of attention to my dreams and writing them down. This causes me to remember them more and reflect if there is anything in there for me as I study Carl Jung and Marion Woodman.

I honestly have been feeling like relapsing lately because I am so miserable at times due to all the stress I've been under and not feeling like I can get my life where I want it, let alone enjoy it. I feel like I've been mostly just surviving. I'm either really tired or too anxious to settle down to anything. And then all this anger came up and still bothers me all this time after quitting.

But this one dream was interesting because someone said to me in it, "Well, with not being involved in your addiction, it's like you get to sit up straight for everything now."

I do feel like I have been doing that this whole time, but sometimes I just feel completely overwhelmed and like I am sick of taking it and not having other things work well enough that used to help me more in the past - yoga, meditation.

And again, I can't blame all of this on anyone thing because I also see that I am putting a lot of stress on myself too, whereas before I was involved in somewhat hiding out from stress.

Opening my eyes a bit to the negatives of marajuana, two years?!?! Once I have kicked my heroin addiction, weed will be next, been a few days off both but I will need the cannabis for certain enhancements this week. Well to eat, sleep and to get a bit of relaxation!! f***ing drugs are sh*** they weren't always, just some of us didn't know when to leave the party.

I've smoked weed for 19 years, 15 everyday so issues are likely

Any of you guys experience/d rumination as part of PAWS?

lynne66 wrote:Thank you for sharing this. I've been struggling for a long time now getting off of antidepressants and now weed on top of having bipolar disorder, so I will not be surprised if I end up going through something similar. I won't expect it or set myself up to expect it, but it is nice to know it can all be gotten through eventually. I think our brains have a lot of power to heal and that it is greater than anything we put in it. We may have some alterations long-term, but knowing that the body seeks returns to health, I think PAWS can heal.

Come to think of it, I was reading on a forum about surviving antidepressants, that someone went through two years of hell after quitting his medication and now he feels better than he's ever felt and his whole life has turned around. So I am just going to use these stories and yours to remember to hang on.

I also am inspired you gave CBT a try. I want to do that as well. It has helped another bipolar friend of mine deal with this ups and downs.

Not that many people have the strength and the self-love to do what you have done but I think that is what it takes, immense self-love and love of life and hope.

Congratulations. You are a success story, even if you still have some weird days.

How are you getting on now Lynne, i know its been a while. Did you manage to get off the antidepressants ok and get through PAWS?
I am also on antidepressants and going through weed paws