Aggression towards animals

You have control issues and self esteem issues. When you can't control something, e.g. a horse, a dog, it makes you angry. You don't know how to cope so you lash out. Work on improving your coping skills.

Seeing that typed and thinking it in my head actually makes a lot of sense. I wonder why it's been so hard to realize that. Any recommendation on how to improve coping skills?

Thanks

Hi Mysticdreams,

I understand your situation perfectly… I think. I myself am an animal lover, and for the longest time I was also quite subject to anger, that is, much more than I am now. The Problem specifically with the kind of ‘Runaway Anger’ that you talk about – finding yourself Over-Reacting to an almost Violent Degree without seeming to have the ability to stop – that sources from Adrenaline. You know what Adrenaline is, I’m sure – it is triggered by very Basic Animal ‘Fight or Flight’ (or ‘Freeze’) Situations – Threats of Danger or Threats to Territory or Mating Opportunities… that kind of thing. But with Modern People, well, Adrenaline can sometimes Pop Up at all the Wrong Times.

The Trick is to Recognize the VERY ONSET of an Adrenaline Rush so you can ‘Will It’ to Stop immediately. You see, it only takes a moment to go from Initial Onset to Full Blast Adrenaline Rush – maybe just 2 Seconds… BUT, in that 2 seconds you have ‘plenty of time’ to save yourself. You just have to Catch It at its Very Start. For myself, I notice that my Jaw Muscles Tighten. SO, when that happens anymore, I know to INSTANTLY relax those muscles, and SOMEHOW that simply Shuts Down the Whole Rush right there.

I have 4 kitties and they each have gone through their Naughty Kitten Years (kitties don’t really Calm Down until they are well over 3) and I haven’t been ‘Angry’ with any of them in the last 15 years.

Observe yourself and see if you can learn what your First Adrenaline Sign is.

Oh, about horses. I never really rode before… just pony rides when I was a kid, but years back I had a Recurrent Dream Motif about Horses. It started in this One Dream… at first my Old Indian Guru seemed to be at an easel and I thought he was painting my portrait, but when I looked to see what he was painting, he instead pointed my attention up into the sky and said “Behold! The Flying Lion”… and just that Quickly I was suddenly at a Large Open Air Fair Ground… a Field, where they were giving ‘Horse Rides’, but One Line was Special – it had a “Wild and Crazy Horse” and it was a Challenge to Try to Ride It. Rumor was it had already Killed somebody. I can’t imagine now why I was IN that line, but I was. Nobody was able to Ride Him! But when it came my turn, the Horse (a Big White Stallion) took off at a gallop, and I surprised myself by my ability to flex my knees and go rhythmically with the motion of the horse… and that made my riding seem ‘Smooth’ to the Horse and he seemed to appreciate it. The Horse took me at a hard gallop to a Sandwich Stand across the Field and the horse stopped and ‘told me’ to get it a ham sandwich. I was nervous that the Sandwich Lady was so slow, but whenever I looked back at the horse, he was waiting patiently. When the sandwich was ready I helped hand-feed him the Sandwich and he insisted I have some… it was pretty good. Well, that is where the ‘Dream’ ended… but not really, for Then what followed was ‘A Dream Commentary’ from within the Dream … my Father in an Arm Chair, with a Smoking Jacket, and smoking a very Intellectual Pipe, was commenting on the dream, saying that the Horse was Really just a Big Selfish and Willful Pig and would have to learn Discipline. The dream ended that way… but for the Next 20 Years I would have Horse Dreams on occasion, and they seemed to be Working in the Direction of Increasingly Teaching the Horse Discipline. After a Few Decades I would have Dreams of just riding around on my Faithful Horse, and other dream characters would complain that I was spoiling it, but no, it was just So Well Trained at that Point, that I no longer had to apply any effort toward maintaining it. It was all Just Perfect, and all I had to do was stand back and appreciate it.

You wrote: you have a lot of hate inside of you.

Where does that hate come from?
You are not born with hate in your heart and mind, so somebody must have given it to you. Who was it?

Are you misused, abused or tortured in a certain way in your life?
Are you humiliated in your life?
Or being separated too long from you mom when you was a baby?

A very normal reaction on that sort of things is: hatred and anger.
Because you are afraid to the perpetrator (I guess) you never learned to express that anger to get rightiousness to get rid of it.
Animals are innocent so you use these creatures to get rid of your angry. I.E. to get a certain power over them.

You have to start work on yourself. IF it is clear where the anger and hatred comes from, you can work on express it, get rid of it, and forgive some people. After that, you will love your horses again, as well as your boyfriend.
Maybe it's a good idea to talk to a counselor about this. It really may help you.

A little update: I followed Leo Volont's advice about recognizing the signs of impuslive anger, I too clench my jaw when I am about to become enraged. I was able to recognize this behavior and haven't struck the dog since. Yes, she still gets on my nerves, and that's okay, as long as I don't hurt her.

This isn't something that can be fixed over night, but each day not spent angry is a small victory. Thank you to all who offered advice.

mysticdreams98 wrote:A little update: I followed Leo Volont's advice about recognizing the signs of impuslive anger, I too clench my jaw when I am about to become enraged. I was able to recognize this behavior and haven't struck the dog since. Yes, she still gets on my nerves, and that's okay, as long as I don't hurt her.

This isn't something that can be fixed over night, but each day not spent angry is a small victory. Thank you to all who offered advice.

Wow! Finally!

I must have given that "Adrenaline Speech" 20 times to as many Troubled Posters, and you, MysticDreams, has been the first to listen to it and try it out. And it is Working For You.... I am SO Glad! You see, just because it works for me, well, there was really no way to be sure that it would work for anybody else, until NOW!

Thank You, thank you, thank you.

Oh, and Once you See that it Works, well, it works All that Better after that. It becomes an instant habit -- Unclenching the Jaw and NOT getting angry. Its SO easy, and it works SO Well... more Angry People really should try it.

But, don't forget to focus on Disputing Dysfunctional and Maladaptive Internal Dialogue. Don't let you Head get away with any Foolishness.

Focus on just these Two Things and in 4 years you could probably apply for Sainthood...

I'm proud their advice helped you. A lot of people who hurt animals wouldn't even bother coming to site like this or seek help. My advice for you is keep learning about controlling your anger and read as many books possible or seek a therapist.

moses199 wrote:My advice for you is keep learning about controlling your anger and read as many books possible or seek a therapist.

"Controlling" a strong emotion shouldn't a very good idea imo.
Why not face the underlying problems? If the pain is faced and gone through, the need to be angry will disappear.
Nothing to held in control, just feeling free.

Roady wrote:

"Controlling" a strong emotion shouldn't a very good idea imo....

.... Why not face the underlying problems?...

If the pain is faced and gone through, the need to be angry will disappear.
Nothing to held in control, just feeling free.

Doing as you Suggest -- facing the underlying problem, IF we can even Know what that Is -- well, yes, it Seems Intuitively Obvious to seek to know and then to deal with the 'Underlying Problem", and that is why the Disciplines of Psychology and Psychiatry started out in its first Hundred Years trying to do Just That. Only It Didn't Work. They called it Psychoanalysis and it involved going on a steady basis to a Therapist weekly year in and year out, and all of the Data points out that almost nobody was Helped by the Approach. And often digging up all those Emotions simply made things Worse -- they were considered "healing Crisises" only nobody was ever actually arrived at being Healed.

So the Schools thought about it a bit more and got past just the merely Intuitive Approaches and Now We Have Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It focuses on Controlling the Habitual Thoughts and the habitual Actions that cause us trouble. IT WORKS. People don't need to dig up Underlying Problems... they just need to Fix what is Broke.

Leo Volont wrote:Doing as you Suggest -- facing the underlying problem, IF we can even Know what that Is -- well, yes, it Seems Intuitively Obvious to seek to know and then to deal with the 'Underlying Problem", and that is why the Disciplines of Psychology and Psychiatry started out in its first Hundred Years trying to do Just That. Only It Didn't Work. They called it Psychoanalysis and it involved going on a steady basis to a Therapist weekly year in and year out, and all of the Data points out that almost nobody was Helped by the Approach. And often digging up all those Emotions simply made things Worse -- they were considered "healing Crisises" only nobody was ever actually arrived at being Healed.

So the Schools thought about it a bit more and got past just the merely Intuitive Approaches and Now We Have Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It focuses on Controlling the Habitual Thoughts and the habitual Actions that cause us trouble. IT WORKS. People don't need to dig up Underlying Problems... they just need to Fix what is Broke.

When he said "facing the underlying problem" what type of approach/therapy method would this be called? I think like you mentioned Psychoanalysis?

No I wasn't pointing at psycho-analysis, however, you need some knowledge to get to know yourself.

Imo only in a relationship where trust and unconditional love is, so you can be as vulnerable as possible, the real problems and pain will be touched. I must add that that vulnerability is a result of that trusted relationship.
When these pain is then expressed, it is gone forever.
After that, there will be no need to analyse it any more.

In other words,
You are analyzing a problem until it is solved.

And actually, the biggest part of the problem is the unexpressed emotions.

They called it Psychoanalysis and it involved going on a steady basis to a Therapist weekly year in and year out, and all of the Data points out that almost nobody was Helped by the Approach

By the Freudian approach? most certainly not.

By the Jungian method, if correctly adhered to or, most preferrably, by Jung himself: most succesfully.

Shame the potency of Jung's legacy has been deliberately thwarted and institutionally repressed as those in charge of such institutions tremendously feared its capability to act as an unprecedented force for good in light of refining psychological cohesion and, thusly, aiding the advance of our species which ideological pioneers, fundraisers and lobbyists tied to popularizing the Freudian formula want to obstruct at any cost.



'

Roady wrote:
....And actually, the biggest part of the problem is the unexpressed emotions.

Dear Roady,

It is okay to KNOW what you are thinking and feeling, BUT it is really very naïve and in most cases to your detriment to express your feelings. You know, you DON'T have to always be showing everybody your Cards. Just as you owe Discretion to all of your intimate friends who confide in you, so it is that you also owe Discretion to yourself.

Yes, yes, yes, it has been SAID thousands of times by Quasi Mental Health Professionals that repressed emotions build up and explode. Well, they have never been able to present the Data. But One Thing That Is Sure is that people who don't have Public Emotional Breakdowns are NOT the ones who are considered as having The Problem. It seems that there is a 100% Correlation of PROBLEM with Emotions with the Tendency and Inclination to Express Emotions. Yes, it may be true that People who Never Publically Make Emotional Scenes may simply be all cold and dead inside, but it may be more likely, since they are living and feeling creatures, that they have simply learned how to contain their emotions and guard their behavior.

You know, it is okay to Grow Up. One does not have to be a Crying Baby one's entire life. But, yes, I guess if you Want Attention Badly Enough, you can wail and cry and Express your Emotions... why not?... it works for Babies!

Leo Volont wrote:You know, you DON'T have to always be showing everybody your Cards

I didn't see me writing that