Interesting story...5months no weed.

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:32 pm

Right,

Good evening fellow smokers,

I have been skulking around on these forums looking through posts for the last month or so after searching ''I have quit weed but still feel terrible''. It linked me to some stories that were almost identical to mine but in some instances not entirely similar. I feel as if mine is somehow slightly worse or those that were writing were unable to fully put across how they were really feeling. So here goes me.

In school I started out shy but then ended up to be part of the popular crowd, always getting into trouble, always doing something naughty and in general just a quick witted funny lad.[/b[b]] I grew up in a lower class area of London and friends varied from greeks, to turks to africans to kyrgzstanis.I was almost thrown out of school twice and suspended uncountable times just because of my mouth.. I would talk and talk make the whole class laugh and be a pest.

Anyway after school in the summer (16 years old) I started smoking weed with my friends and we were all pretty much street kids. We would be out all day doing various mischevious things playing football and smoking weed. I started heavy use in college when it became almost a daily thing. I got thrown out of that college because I smoked half an ounce of weed on wet grass till the morning while lieing down and woke up with a huge chest infection meaning i missed most of my exams. went to a new college and scraped through with bare minimum grades.

my new college was an absolute joke. full of street thugs and small time criminal mixed in with a lot of ethnics and normal people. we called that college mini amsterdam as every other person was selling it and about 70% of the college was smoking it. my first day at that college was me arriving to a circle of guys outside the entrance at 8.30am smoking zoots (joints) and they just said 'want some?' and i casually agreed. people from all backgrounds were smoking there...the nerds..the football team...the girls...the muslims...even muslims in headscarfs were sneaking off to teh park at break and smoking...it was actually hillarious. someone even said the teachers were buying off one of the students or something along those lines..anyway i knew the stuff was making me lazy and my grades were going down as i couldnt retain information or memorise things aswell but it never made me depressed or unable to think a string of coherent thoughts....

anyway started university with the intention of quitting and staying clean as weed was nuisance and causing a fair bit of stress to my mother...for example when I grew the stuff in a tent in my room and she found out and went mental and chucked it all away or when it would wake her up in the middle of the night and she would smell it....or the couple of times i nicked 10-20pounds from her purse. so clearly didnt like it and i didnt wanna make her stressed.
it caused slight nuisance to me personally when i would get into the odd fight with a local smoker or dealer (i dealt the stuff for a long time) or when friends would fall out over mispayments or people owing eachother money for weed...and would ususally end up in a broken nose. but also a couple of times i kinda went off the rails and set some people up...i had replica gun for a little while and set some unfavourable people up (people nobody liked not just innocent civilians) aka local assholes, local dealers every hated or did things worse than me. i would never hurt a civilian..always courteous to elders and gave my seat up on the bus all that stuff...when i would rob these people for the money i didnt realise but i would just spend it on weed...thats kinda like what a crack head would do..

anyway back to university..i started with the intention of quitting (this is 3 years of everyday smoking now) and i found a nice house away from campus in Bolton in England and my fellow housemates were 2 girls and a boy. Everyone seemed nice enough until week 2 the boy told me he smoked and we ended up being the best of friends and i wouldnt even sleep in my room we would just get stoned play xbox and i would just konk out on his sofa. we would play zombies and fifa on repeat all day...while the other lads at uni were banging birds and all that kinda stuff we were playng xbox...to be fair i had my fair share of my ladies and had a girlfriend for a few months...so as you can see i was operational to an extent...my roomate was a maths genius and could smoke till he passed out wake and pass all his exams and get the higest grades...i however wouldnt wake up or would wake up arrive late and not listen to a word in the lesson..as soon as lesson was over..guess what was on my mind..thats right..weed...

cutting a long weed story short i got kicked out in my second year for basically doing nothing and just being an a**hole and hinderance to the teachers...arriving late..handing work in late...not listening...blah blah...that was a blow to the system as technically i was now just a w****r chucked into the huge wide world with no experience or degree...i had done plenty of restaraunt jobs in this time...so i had something

anyway went back to london and my mum lost the house as she had no money to afford so she moved back in with her parents in the country..who are of cold english people..anyway this is when sh** got real...i would be at grandmas and i would just wake up and i just wouldnt be able to think...i woud try and shrug it off and say im cool...but like someone woudl say something to me and it would take like 2 seconds to proccess it and then 2 seconds to think what to say and then when i say it i say some slow drivel. i was thinking sh** i got alzhiemers...i started searching all these things on the internet....loooking up all various illnesses like thyroid, addisons, cortisols levels, diabetes, multiple personality, skitzo, depression or some kind of possession...then the depersonalization started...i would get a golf ball in my throat like i wanted to cry but nothing to cry about...then the depression kicked in and i was literally on hell on earth
i would be looking at objects like a cup or a fridge and just think ''what is that'' ''where am i'' it was that bad....that continued for 6 months...i thought i was going to die with no end in sight...at this point i cut weed down to just weekends....my mum was scared...she used to invite me to go swimming in a private pool and i would come but i would just sit there and watch..unable to move...the fatigue was unreal...absolute immense...like there is strings on my ears connected to bricks...like there was a cloud in my head that needed to be aired out...also in this time i literally became a nutritionist a biologist a chemist and physchiatrist all in one go..i was researching hours a day what could be wrong..until i found this forum with people feeling the same way i did

no one understood what was happening to me nor do i think my grandparents cared..they were in there own world..there 1969 world...i was born in a single parent family generation of london street kids where the streets literally create you and make you into a product of the enviorment which was a dog eat dog, kindness taken for weakness, cold, drug, evil satanic playground..where the most evil were on top. it was my fault in a way too but i grew up with the guys i did and stuck by them..even till today.

anyway i had some savings in the bank and with assistance of my mums and my grandparentes and my dad (who lives in another country) i went to australia to do the whole backpack work travel thing. my sister was there and the plan was to crash there until i find a job and then be on my way...anway i started smoking heavily again there as my sis and her bf did and everyone else living in that house and just everyone in general..plus i just love smoking...anway i found a job in the country on a farm and i was forced to quit as there was none thre....came back the symptoms of wanting to kill myself..the unable to think a thought..feel a emotion or just feel alive in any sense of the word...i was just literally a zombie...people thought i was a recluse or wierd but its just because someone would say something to me (the group of other young people working there) and it would take 2 seconds to digest what they said 2 seconds to think of something to say and then ill say it some slow groan and the conversation would just end there...i was f***ed. every night i would buy a botle of wine...drink it on my own by the pool while the others were down on the camp site partying and then i would just cry my self to sleep...once which a roomate saw and i made up some sh** like i missed home..but he knew something was up....it was hell. i cant describe the feelings..you dont feel anything completely numb...and in comparison to my former self where i could even have a conversation in a graveyard it was really depressing to knw that i had became a shell of my former self. If that.
i will describe the pain again...string on my ears attached to bricks forcing my head down..
a golf ball in my throat with the feeling of wanting to cry but cant
a cloud in my head pressuring my face eyes and brain
a background headache constantly
a horrible fatigue that would literally paralyse me i would be in bed all day and then get up have a head rush feel tired and just jump back into bed and look on my phone.

i was sacked within 2 weeks due to being lazy and went back to my sisters...
sister kicked me out after 3 months as my crippling fatigue was pissing everyone off in the house as i would sleep on the sofa like all day. i would work here and there but always get sacked for 'being too slow' or 'not being all there' heard that from so many managers....went docs and told them if they dont give zoloft or something antidepressing then im gonna go mad.

the most thing that made me mad was not feeling the way i was but speaking and meeting new people and them not knowing who i really was. they would just see this shell of man before them unable to coherently properly string together a point of view or a topic of coversation. this usually lead to the depression i felt and not depressed directly as a result of the weed. the feeling of not being able to be who i really was was depressing.

anyway kicked out of my sisters with a little bit of cash and got into the wrong circle and ended up getting arressted for something stupid and i got released on bail with a court date. I didnt show up at court twice as the first time i went to court i wasnt listening properly and didnt listen to the date they told me to come and then the next time i just plainly forgot due to being utterly stoned off my tits. They issued a warrant for my arrest, found me and then sent me to the jail house where they send people on bail. Then that place got full and i had a 10 day waiting period for my trial so they sent me to real jail and in there is where i realised that weed and has done a number on me. no normal functioning person ends up in jail....and not for the stupid sh** i ended up in there for. If i was fully operational with a working brain i wouldnt of even been kicked out my sisters... i would of had a stable job been living round the corner and enjoying the aussie weather aussie babes and general experience of living in another country away from home.

in the jail i realised enough is enough and time is to change i have to stop letting my life revolve around weed. I got released with a 700$ fine and i called my dad immediately. I told him i wanted to come to where he was (Turkey) (i am half turkish). He agreed and bought me a ticket. After sleeping rough a couple nights with the help of salvation army (sister had left australia at this point) i got on the plane and arrived there... knowing that real journey of qutting was about to begin.

so from the begining to the end of this story it has been 6 years. Started smoking at 16 and I am now 22 turning 23 in a couple months. I have been in Turkey now for 5 months and have been clean the whole time. I started work as a teacher in the second week and that has been an absolute roller coaster of a ride. First couple of weeks i was fine as i was in a safe enviroment i escaped the hell of australia and i didnt have no rent or any bills. But since then its been up and down with some nights i just think about ending it all...and just dieing but my family already messed up i couldnt do that to them...i would end their lives in a way too...at school miraculously i have been able to pull it off...usually with about 3 coffees in the morning 2 in the afternoon sometimes more... i know people gonna say ''ohh you should stop that too'' but seriously with the way im feeling i need that sh**...sometimes even in the class i **** up and the students notice but thank lord they dont complain...but 85% of the time im cool...the symptoms come and go...sometimes in a day i can have 4 emotions...estactic...euphoria..depressed...fatigued or any of those in an order...im lucky i can be open to my dad and talk about the weed and what it has done and what it does to me today. He does get mad though when im rude due to not wanting to talk to him or his friends that visit the house sometimes...i just lock myself in my room.

on the good days im on cloud 9 and people flock around me for a conversation or just some energy exchange. on the bad days im bumping into people..i miss my bus..my classes are sh** and students are bored.. and i cant string together a thought and the clouds come back and my head and posture is low and uncofindent. I usually leave work as soon as i finish and i dont say bye to anyone...sometimes people ask me ''are you okay'' and the usual one is ''i have got a headache'' on the real bad days i am in bed all day till night time unable to move by a crippling fatigue

I eat well..walk to work everyday and play football twice a week. What i have found to be an absolute god send in all of this is 5-HTP (solgar brand)...i take two at night as if i take during the day it makes me drowsy...it boosts serotonin production. When i stop ttaking them i notice a difference.
Also Chlorella is the oldest plant on earth and its 100% natural and great for energy and removing toxins from the blood. ı take 4 of those capsules a day (solgar brand).

The stuff I was smoking?
High grade light green potent skunk. All different kinds, cheese, blue cheese, dutch orange, purple haze, strawberry haze, amnesia, white rhino..I mean it was the strongest stuff to date..seeds sent from amsterdam and america.
Went to amsterdam twice and literally smoked till i passed out....(left the cafe and fell on the floor and smashed my head on a bike rack)

Science
What I believe to be true is that our brains enjoy some kind of routine and also adapts to balance any chemicals changes. So after smoking almost everyday for 6 years the brain has realised that its serotonin and dopamine sources comes from an outside source aka the joint and it doesnt need to produce it itself as it gets all its sufficient needs from outside sources. Therefore the serotonin and dopamine receptors are numbed and dulled and the brains capability to make its own sero and dopa is lessened. Also to accomodate all the excess dopa and sero it burns it up faster to get rid of it as so much is coming from the joint. So when we do stop and we dont build up stores of sero and dopa on our own then the brain is still using the same mechanism of burning it up quickly which i believe can lead to rapid mood changes in the day where one minute you feel okay and the next minute you want to die.

Anway
5 months clean and i didnt need a method or technique to stop. The way i feel is so terrible and the places i was lead down by it is enough to make any man stop and never look back.
But to be fair weed is a wonderful drug i recommend to anyone but for it to be used moderately and by someone without a family history of abuse and addiction. another thing to add is that im not wanting a feeling of being on cloud 9 all the time just a constant where i can wake up and say 'im just going to be who i am today' but in this whole thing sometimes i feel like i lost who i am..ive stoned them off..i just want a constant feeling..or any feeling will do...but i got the strength to carry on!!

Hope this read has helped anyone feeling remotely the way I do and wishing everyone strength on their recovery.

Peace

Tokes

**Posts:** 770 · by **Wave** » Sat Apr 11, 2015 10:31 am

Wow, that is quite a story!!! Firstly, well done on 5 months, that 1.5 months more than I have ever managed!

You mention that 5-HTP has really helped, as such I would recommend you read the following book:

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross

It basically shows how taking various amino acids and supplements can help improve your mood significantly. 5-HTP is the main recommendation if you have low serotonin deficiency but also looks at low dopamine, which is more the receptors that cannabis works on. It also looks at diet which has far more impact than I believe a lot of people realise.

I have been taking Tyrosine for my mood (1g/day first thing of the day) and has seriously helped my mood. This was the reason I failed last time as I started to feel I believed I would never get better. This isn't true but does take far more than 3 months, more like 15-18 months. You can buy Tyrosine online legally in most/all countries (You can in US and UK).

I also feel you still put cannabis on a pedestal . Sounds like it has seriously impact on your life and you need to realise that you will be stronger and eventually be more motivated without it. I have had serious problems with motivation but you have to try and "push through it". It isnt easy but when you do and end up having a good day, you use that to aim to do the same the following day.

For some people cannabis is as addictive as other harder drugs, and like me, you started way to early using and that can have a serious impact. I know this isn't the case for some people but I know for a fact it is for me and so I know I need to leave it behind in my life.

If you want any more book recommendations like me know, reading is a really powerful way to try and change your mindset.

**Posts:** 10 · by **expotsmoker** » Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:59 pm

Hi! After quitting I have experienced the same thing as you: going from extremely euphoric to severely depressed in the space of a couple of hours. I also get days where i'm completely myself and love to have conversations withe everyone, but there are also times where i just want to stay in bed and search stupid sh** on the internet.

I just post this to say you are not alone with these symptons. I try to see it as something positive because my brain is trying to start up again, and you can't expect that to happen like throwing a switch from zero to one.

Good luck with your withdrawal!

**Posts:** 336 · by **Fabulous Furnace** » Sun Apr 12, 2015 11:54 pm

Amazing story of your life. Can't imagine growing up on the mean streets.
I grew up in Hawaii and had it a little rough being Caucasian; But it was beautiful and I had two caring parents.
I relate to your post because I have experienced what you have. It has been hellish these last 4.5 months. Incredible what cannabis can do to our psyche and soul. We sought it for relief and escape for so many years, then we quit cold-turkey and our lives were turned upside down.
I loved weed and still get a craving every once in a while. It appears in my dreams at times also.
MJ is everywhere and so many people smoke it nowadays. Here in the U.S., states are atarting to legalize med. mj and even recreational. Jeez!
Good karma to you and I hope you get more peace and sttability as time goes on.

FF

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:32 pm

Thanks FF, expot and wave.

Sorry for the grammar and structure of the first post, it was written on a foreign phone and tiny screen and I was rushing to get everything out in a bad mood day.

Anyway Wave, on the vitamin side of things I completely agree with everything you said. However after multiple tests and I am completely healthy on the vitamin side of things. However in terms of amino acids such as Tyrosine and 5HTP they work wonders and have the ability to turn my mood 360 degrees. They are not meant to be taken all the time though as you brain, once again, gets used to being fed the chemicals it needs instead of being stimulated itself to make them.
And I feel for you _FF_ living so close to the states where its being pushed by big businessman like george soros to become a legal drug for medicinal and recreational purposes. I have had the odd dream where I am smoking a joint and in the dream i always feel a huge regret wash over me and then I wake up and I am happy it was all just a dream. Brain trying to say something there. But for now that doesn't worry as like I said before I become unoperational using the stuff and I was accompanied down to some stupid places by it which like I said would make any logical thinking man turn away and never look back.

I have this fantasy idea that once life is stable I can turn back to it and smoke it like I once did. But I guess thats another thing to get over and is all part of the recovery. I should eliminate that idea. It was ingrained in my life and way of thinking so much I hope it hasn't gained some kind of stronghold in my soul.

And expotsmoker....the mood swing are terrible in two ways. One way is how the mood can take over you and cause you mental pain and depression accompanied by a physical fatigue and the other is its pure unpredictability. I remember I had planned to go out with 2 beautiful girls that were literally going to take me back to there hotel room and do something crazy with me. As soon as it turned midnight within 2 seconds suddenly I started getting slow, my speech had no punch to it, my jokes were not funny and my drive to show these ladies a good time while out partying reduced to zero. The night went from bad to worse as I wasn't able to hold thier attention and it ended up me getting a bottle of wine and drinking it while I walked home....alone. That kinda sh** depresses me...missing out on a chance of a lifetime and I get f***ed over by a heavy mood swing. That feeling continued for 2 days after.

Now Im a teacher and the stress of the unpredictability is literally making me lose my hair. Its hard to make solid plans or commitments as I seriously dont know how I will feel at any given time or any given day. When I feel good and Im in a social enviroment or social event then I just pray to lord it continues for as long as it can. On the work side of things I make a real detailed plan before the lesson so even if I get hit with it, I have a written plan that I can follow. Sometimes when im in a negative mood, students will ask me a question (I teach english) and I've literally had to make something up and pretend I know. In a good mood I could answer immediately without hesistation.

Anyway....almost halfway through april and ill be swinging into month 6...might celebrate with a zoot.

Joke

Good night

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Sun May 03, 2015 12:57 pm

May.

Month 6.

This whole thing is becoming a serious weight on my shoulders. I cant hold down friendships or conduct a proper relationship with my girl as I cannot have a stable character everyday. I try really hard to just be normal and be responsible for me and others around me but inside I feel like a boat on a wavy ocean...always rocking, always riding against the waves, trying to anchor myself. This month started off well with period of 10-15 days where I woke up every morning feeling refreshed and ready for the day with a positive clear mental attitude.

Then suddenly one night I played football and as the match was coming to an end I was hit with 'the illness' as I call it. Unable to think, unable to hold a straight face, pressure in the head and eyes, unable to string together a coherent set of thoughts or feel a certain emotion. I spoke to no one and left without saying goodbye. That lasted 2 weeks until the end of the month came and I started to taper off those feelings and regain some clarity. There were a couple of days in that few weeks were I felt alright, strangely enough It was the days after I went out drinking with friends. I doubt the alcohol was a contributing factor, it was probaly being able to mentally blow off some steam and socialising.

Anyway, I havent been craving as such but think about how much better what I would be doing if I was smoking a joint at the same time.....like when I'm watching game of thrones or im playing fifa, or when im at the park having a picnic but its only a momentary thought and then it passes. I have been in situations approx 4 times where I have been offered a joint but I have rejected without a second of a doubt.

Anyway back to what happened last night. My friend has been nagging me for months to help him find some weed. Being in a foreign country and knowing some guys I decided I would help him as I have been in his situation many times. I took him to the dude and I bought the stuff for him and gave it to him. He offered me to smoke with him but I flatly rejected without a second thought and explained to him my situation...he didnt understand as he never felt that way from it but said ok nevertheless. When I bought the bag I smelt it on multiple occasion...I smelt it through a sealed bag so I didnt sniff up any THC or anything but those few wiffs really did something to me.

I went home to sleep a bit later on and had the worse nights sleep I can recall since I have quit. I mean, I have had the odd few nights of insomnia but this was different. I would fall asleep and fall into a dream immediately and then wake up. And then fall back to sleep go into a really vivid crazy dream of being burned alive, killing people, being chased by security guards and dogs in an empty mall and this kept occuring approximately 8 times the whole night. I would wake up and have to turn the light on or eat something just to gain to clarity and then I would go back to sleep and it would happen again. Its like those few wiffs of the weed sent my brain into some kind of panic attack or it went a little crazy that it only got a smell and didnt get to smoke an actual joint.

I was 20 minutes late to work this morning due to that saga and its not a nice feeling having 15 students looking at you with a dissapointing face that they came on time and you didnt. My manager wasnt happy too. What can I say? Just apologised and moved on.

I still have a fantasy in my mind that once this year is over that I can smoke again just a few times or have it as a monthly thing. I need to eliminate such thoughts. What makes me think like that is seeing friends that smoke daily and are able to be productive and lead normal seeming lives with girlfriends and jobs. And seeing wiz khalifa who smokes 24/7 and still makes decent music and is able to perform in concerts to thousands of people. Why can't I have the odd joint and still enjoy my life? Why do I have to deal wıth 6-12 months of PAWS with every joint I smoke? What kind of bs is that?

Is it our brains (people of this forum) in particular that are predisposed to have these PAWS problems or is it the weed we have smoked? Is it the age we started? Is it the duration we have smoked? Is it the quantity we smoked?
Any answer for this?

Asking these questions as I really am just questioning it all and its becoming such a burden. But as people say read the success stories and you will be see why.

Anyway will update back stories or if there is any major changes.

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Wed May 13, 2015 11:03 pm

May 14th

6.5 months

Seeming as we are halfway through May I thought I would update my situation as some changes have happened.
Really starting to think now can this all really just be PAWs. I have become numb and depressed these last two weeks overshadowed by a severe fatigue where getting out of bed in the morning feels like climbing mount everest.Working mostly evenings has helped severely with this. I also fell ill on the same day last 2 weeks, both days being thursday and the illness lasting around 3-4 days where i have had to have time off work. Luckily everyone else was ill too so i kinda just blended in with the ill crowd instead of being the only guy ill. A huge feeling of f'ing it all and starting to smoke again has washed over me many times especially while crippled in bed with fatigue, the flu, headaches and depression. But then I thought ''would i prefer to start 2016 knowing im a year clean of weed or start 2016 only 6 or 5 months clean?''

Going to an endocronologist next week and going to get the adrenals and thyroid checked. Also going to get a Lyme disease test. These are the last things I can think of as I have checked everything else. Thinking of how nuts i was last year in australia i guess i have improved. But what gets me is this fatigue. I have about 12 hours sleep, wake up completely unrefreshed, cloudy headed and tired. I usually eat something and go straight back to sleep; ignoring anyone who has called or texted me and then dont answer them till i get up later at 4 or 5 where I wake up again feeling like jumping off the balcony. Really intense these last 2 weeks and the month before. People say they see improvements at month 6...Its gotten worse for me...I pray the last half of the month goes easy on me..Please brain! please!

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Tue Jun 02, 2015 10:55 am

June 2nd

Month 7

The last 2 weeks of May were not so harsh on me. However lieing in bed was my default position unless I had to move to go to work or to do something social or sportive. Intended to join the gym but at the moment I only have the energy to walk to work, play football and pour all my life soul into conducting normal functioning relationships with my peers and my girlfriend. However, with my girlfriend I have told her that I am emotionally unstable and have been in the process of quitting weed for the last 7 months. She understands as she went through a bout of manic depression a few years back; so she knows the vunerability of emotions.

I had flu again for a few days...so thats 3 times in one month. I had severe recurrent nightmares causing me to scream and for my dad to come running in my room. I had a migraine and also a headache that lasted for 3 days. The third day it was just a minor background thing. I have to carry paracetemol around with me just in case. Panadeine works best. I have been taking small doses of L-tyrosine which changed my mood 180degrees compared to how I was feeling at the begining of the month (last post). I woke up one morning with a neck ache that spread down to my back. I still get blips where I zone out of a conversation but nothing as bad as before. Still a bit slow and people at work do ask me if im ok sometimes...but not as much as before.

In a last post I mentioned how I bought weed for a friend. Well that friend has literally turnt wierd. He's all slow, spaced out, makes ramdom conversation topics and isnt as socially adept as he was before I got him the weed. The other I day I was with him and I told him ''alright man peace, see ya later'' and he just went ''ya. bye'' and then as I walked away he just stood there staring at me, like all zoned and spaced. So yeah f being like that.

The reason I think I'm having a tought time is becuase I started this all at 16 and I have obviously affected the mental development of my brain, but no point moaning about it, whats done is done and its better now then later to make change.

A positive difference im noticing is the fact im enjoying little things now. The other day I went to the open air bazaar market and genuinely enjoyed looking around at all the herbs and spices and different soaps etc. I also went on a boat tour and have done various other social things that I have recieved a small amount of pleasure from. This a massive improvement for literally needing a joint all the time to do any activity. Before it would be.....before leave the house smoke a joint....get to the market...smoke a joint....go on the boat (with a joint)...stuff like that...but now it doesnt even enter my head and I just want to do the social activity for the interest and satisfaction it brings...which i think is a healthy mental foundation to build some building blocks towards conducting a normal paws free life...

thanks for reading

peace

**Posts:** 1 · by **Melatonidium** » Tue Jun 02, 2015 12:03 pm

Hey,

I wanna thank you alot for posting your story and progress. I am in a similar situation, and have been struggling with many of the same things. I am currently day 324 days into my quit and this has been one of the hardest things for me to do. I had a ton of different mental and physical symtoms like you in the beginning, but can honestly tell you things will improve. I also started smoking young (14-15) and I really believe we have to stay calm and patient about this. In the beginning I was a wreck, and sometimes I downtalk myself to thinking no progress has been done. This is not true. I have found both improvements and negative symptoms come in waves, so we must learn to let go of the mind when things are tough.

Peace.

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Fri Jun 05, 2015 10:47 pm

Some questions melatonidium, if you dont mind.

You say you experienced similar symptoms when you first quit..do you ever remember fatigue being as prevalant as it is with me when you first quit?

At what point did you notice or feel the biggest change or improvement?

You started at 14-15...how long did you smoke and where? US, UK?

And lastly, your on day 324....how do you feel on a day to day basis?

thanks for your time

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Thu Jul 02, 2015 7:41 pm

July 2nd

Month 8

Insomnia. Depression. İmpaired cognitive and motor functions. Daily headaches. Severe fatigue.
Vitamin blood works checked and normal.
Whole endocrine system checked and normal.
Liver and kidney functions checked and normal.
Have been looking into lyme disease and finding a good nuerologist to check if there is any possible lasting damage.

Despite the above symptoms there is of course a huge improvement as compared to where I was at the begining of the quit. All the symptoms are there and none have shown signs of completely dissapearing but they are much less intense and they are manageable. The worst of them all is fatigue, I literally have no energy to stand. But looking back at my previous posts, and as people say, their is a gradual and subtle difference. And as other people have said, I have smoked for more than 4 years; everything is not going to suddenly get better over night.

As usual the feeling of f'ing it all and smoking again has washed over me but I just say to myself that starting 2016 a year clean is such a great way to start the year..it would be such a positive stepping stone to starting my life as normal contributing helpful member of society without being plagued by ridiculous stupid crappy headaches and fatigue.

Still going strong and won't stop.

**Posts:** 770 · by **Wave** » Thu Jul 02, 2015 8:15 pm

Wow, really interesting to read about someone who also started young and having a few issues on the way. I am three months today (+1 slip up) and really get the motivation aspect and mood. When you say a small amount of L-tyrosine, how much? I think I was taking 1g at start of quit and affected my wind and urine colour, did notice some massively positive effects so may try that again.

Please keep sharing your story, is really helping me.

**Posts:** 61 · by **SexistPig** » Sat Jul 04, 2015 12:15 am

hey tokes,
I'm about 6 weeks in of no toking. Like you I've only smoked the really potent stuff. I wouldn't even smoke hydro as I like the potent high. I once overdoses on some gummis and actually enjoyed the excruciatingly acute high. Anyway, I would recommend a really stenous exercise regimen. I've always exercised (running, biking, lifting weights) almost everyday even when I was toking hard. When I stopped I exercised even harder. I can truly attest that I'm feeling almost 100% mentally and physically because of this and also the ton of supplements and vitamins I am taking.

I posted this list in the benefits thread. I'd recommend running perhaps 4-5 times a week for a period of time and taking the supplements I've listed, and eating 'clean' and see if you feel any better. I can't even believe after 3 months in i'm going to feel even better than I do now and it's made all the difference.

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Tue Jul 07, 2015 12:42 am

Wave - i take up to 2gs a day and then wean myself off by taking 1g for about a week and then 500mg for the last week. Never good to suddenly stop anything even amino acids. I find 5htp more powerful in changing my mood than the tyrosine...but its more expensive and you get 20 less capsules.

As a side note i was taking about 3g of tyrosine and about 2-3 capsules of 5htp at the begining of my quit now i just need one or the other at small doses. So thats an improvement. But as said before everything is slow and gradual.

Sexistpig
I loved the super potent skunk...although while smoking i kinda knew secretly in the back od my head is wasnt good for me. after seeing your post and many others on this forum it really hit the nail on the head that exercise is a vital part of recovery.

Ive mustered the energy to join the gym and start tomorrow. Im going to start a bulking regime and gain muscle.

Despite writing on this thread is somewhat theraputic for me I find it better to report fornightly or monthly; an overall summary of my recovery as I find if I post daily then im offering other users nothing more than my own confusedness. At times it is difficult to make sense of it all.

Will report back in 2 weeks on any improvements seen from going to the gym and my muscle build plan.

**Posts:** 131 · by **tokes** » Tue Jul 21, 2015 8:22 pm

july 21st

Month 7.5

(update after starting to go to the gym 2 weeks ago)

I started the gym and saw immediate improvements.Energy has doubled. Cognitive functions were linear and clear. Memory very good. Social skills doubled. Depression gone (i have been singing and whistling almost all the time). Headaches gone. Insomnia was still a problem though.

So there I was, the night sky setting, I am in my ship taking in the view of the wide vast ocean. The waters were calm, the stars bright, the wind tusseled in my hair. I look out on the horizon and no troubles were ahead, everything was tranquil. Characteristics of my old self were coming back. I headed into my cabin for a restful nights sleep. And despite I knew this could be only temporary I was simply enjoying the tranquility of it all after such a rocky last 7 months. This lasted 12 days.

SUDDENLY BAM; I PULL OUT MY TELESCOPE AND THERE SEEMED TO BE A HUGE F***İNG TİDAL WAVE HEADİNG MY WAY COUPLE WİTH A GİGANTİC İCE BERG OUT OF NOWHERE

I awoke monday morning (yesterday) and all symptoms were back without a sign or warning. Depersonalization was terrible.Depression residing in my throat and chest. Head low, posture weak. Socialising 0%. I went to school to teach on monday and tuesday (today) and my lesson was terrible. Im 24 and had like 15 foreign adults staring at me thinking what the hell is this guy talking about or doing? Lots of huffs and puffs, lots of dissapointing faces and some students left early. I forgot how to spell such basic words like ''tomorrow'' and I even forgot for a split second what the capital version of the letter 'y' was; i squiggled a strange symbol on the board twice and rubbed it out and obviously then wrote ''Y''. HOW TERRİBLE İS THAT! On top of that I had a couple wise guys making cracks at me and I was not equipped with any wit or power to respond. Terrible lessons. Tried to drink coffee to bring back to life but didnt work.

Hopefully these two days were just an anamoly out of a fairly good 2 past weeks since starting the gym.
Will write back at the end of the month to summarise.

Interesting story...5months no weed.

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