Sexual video hypnoses and its aftermath

(Hello. Sorry for my bad english. I am a seventeen years old man from Russia.)
So, I have a great problem and I don’t know how to cope with it further. There are a serious question of suicide, and no other choice in case it is really incurably.

So, one year before I learned about the femdom hypnosis videos, where the viewer is instructed with uncontrolled horny female behavior in submission of a man and is given with pornography video sequence. During this year I have watched this videos for thirty or thirty five times in total, and every time I was extremely aroused of it. It was mixed with normal porn. The last time was four month ago. And after it I have decided to broke up with masturbation.
Firstly, after a week of abstinence, the phrase «I am a girl» have appeared I my mind. It was my voice, and he have been repeating it every ten seconds since the moment it appeared. It continued for a week, and this phrase vanished. But there was another problem. Every time I stood with the male or looked at any guy in the area, I started to feel an erected genital organ In my mouth or donkey. It was like delusion and it prodused no exhilaration to me, but was too difficult to control. The problem went harder. My voice in my head started to name me any dirty phrases and words I have heard from videos, and give me any instructions of oral sex with men and that I need it, or like it. I was trying to shut it up every second it appeared, but it didn’t work. I used a self-induction as «I am man, I dominate over women, I feel myself strong and self-confident», and now this induction have strongly associated with irritation. I have began to control a gender of words (in Russian language) I am speaking with. Then the last weekend I have lost a sence of reality of my male gender twice. My voice in my head continue to tell this dirty phrases to me. It feels like my personality is completely ruined. I have less and less willpower every day.

All I know is that I cannot give that voice any chance to control myself, and if there are no way back to cure this disease, it will die with me. And probably with two especially changed femdom mistress from my country, to learn them that someone being affected by this sh** can be very vindictive and cruel.