Help on anger affecting daily life

**Posts:** 2 · by **mmmmm11** » Fri May 27, 2005 8:20 pm

Hi I'm new here, here goes... I'm a kid (or I still do consider myself as one) around 21 yrs old and I'm currently having a state of mind where everything seems like a mess and things are starting to tumble down, once my mind starts to wander on thoughts it never stops. I get to think of all the negative things that happened in my life and I'm pretty fired up whenever I remember something bad. However I come from a perfectly normal family, financially well-off, graced with studying in the best schools and living in a somewhat privileged level in society but during high school I've done things I wasn't proud of and which eventually led to being labeled the typical loser/nobody type, based form what my friends say. I started to harbour an anger over cruel people since then and started to building up myself through hitting the gym and going into sports in college to fend of these m.f.. More or less my hard work paid off and my life in college was the complete opposite of what I experienced in my previous schooling, treated with respect and all that, which was, to say honestly, shamedly nice in a way to feel belonged. However things weren't as nice with my original group of friends and I feel that I am not treated with enough respect as I should be and sometimes I feel that just because I am "climbing the ladder" their pride won't accept it and they would more than gladly drag me down than treat me as a friend due to the fact that they feel that I might become better than them. I am now lost of hope in feeling that I should trust them and the word sonuvabitches seems to cross my mind more often that I would want to. Problem is I still want to be their friend, they just don't acknowledge me as the new me. This boils me up deep inside and now I can't seem to concentrate well on things I used to do in stride, I lose focus and my game in sports isn't benefiting either. I have no problem in public speaking and find it easy to get the crowd into the conversation, I believe I have confidence (though I feel it's fueled by the immense anger). I wanted to keep things more civil and have restrained all the profanities that I would want to include in this post. I hope someone can share their opinion on this matter. Thanks. Please help.

**Posts:** 1836 · by **Annabell** » Wed Jun 01, 2005 6:57 am

Hello there mmmmm11

I am not sure what you mean by

Problem is I still want to be their friend, they just don't acknowledge me as the new me.

- How are your friends treating you then? If you could give me an example of a situation, I would probably understand better. Do you mean envy? Or that they disapprove of things you do?

In terms of losers and winners, I think that can change quite a lot when you get a bit older. I don't know what it is about schools and colleges but you get the label loser or winner so easily. And you tend to stick those same labels on others as well. I found that after I finished school, I got to know different people from different backgrounds and I forgot about the labels. They were more just people - someone was into sports, someone was a real nerd and it did not mean one was better than the other.
Since getting into sports myself, I notice that I pay much more attention to sporty-looking guys whereas before I didn't. I have a male friend who is a surfer on a pro level and he does not drink and eats healthily and I just really admire him and his lifestyle so much. So you see, sometimes it is important that you find people who understand and share your values in life to make you feel that you belong and are not a stranger! Which I understand is a bit of what your friends are trying to make you feel at the moment (correct me if I am wrong).

In terms of the anger - can you tell me when it occurs? Is it purely related to your friends or do you notice it in other situations as well?

Anyway, hey, chin up, at least you have the benefit of having good self-confidence, that'll get you far. Once you get this thing clear in your head and understand what is what, you'll be fine. It's good that you've come here and talked about it, that's the first step towards a solution.

Best wishes

**Posts:** 1836 · by **Annabell** » Wed Jun 01, 2005 6:57 am

Hello there mmmmm11

I am not sure what you mean by

Problem is I still want to be their friend, they just don't acknowledge me as the new me.

- How are your friends treating you then? If you could give me an example of a situation, I would probably understand better. Do you mean envy? Or that they disapprove of things you do?

In terms of losers and winners, I think that can change quite a lot when you get a bit older. I don't know what it is about schools and colleges but you get the label loser or winner so easily. And you tend to stick those same labels on others as well. I found that after I finished school, I got to know different people from different backgrounds and I forgot about the labels. They were more just people - someone was into sports, someone was a real nerd and it did not mean one was better than the other.
Since getting into sports myself, I notice that I pay much more attention to sporty-looking guys whereas before I didn't. I have a male friend who is a surfer on a pro level and he does not drink and eats healthily and I just really admire him and his lifestyle so much. So you see, sometimes it is important that you find people who understand and share your values in life to make you feel that you belong and are not a stranger! Which I understand is a bit of what your friends are trying to make you feel at the moment (correct me if I am wrong).

In terms of the anger - can you tell me when it occurs? Is it purely related to your friends or do you notice it in other situations as well?

Anyway, hey, chin up, at least you have the benefit of having good self-confidence, that'll get you far. Once you get this thing clear in your head and understand what is what, you'll be fine. It's good that you've come here and talked about it, that's the first step towards a solution.

Best wishes

**Posts:** 2 · by **mmmmm11** » Thu Jun 02, 2005 5:44 pm

Thanks for the rep. Appreciate the encouragement and effort you're giving to this forum. The anger subsided for now I guess I just felt really pent up when I wrote the stuff I wrote. The anger comes from the way.. a friend looks down on a friend is a good example. I've kept my calm for quite some time but recently I've been letting my emotions out and its created some problems. I'm just confused as to whether the advice on letting your emotions out is actually good for you as opposed to keeping it in. I'm taking the risk on being honest with my friends and giving them clear signals.
My anger sometimes comes basically when I'm being offended or disrespected in a way. In any case, thanks for reading and replying.

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