Extreme anger, PLEASE help

Lolo927 wrote:I've always had a temper, but over the last year or so my outbursts have gotten to the point where it's affecting my marriage. I'm a 22 year old female, and have what I like to call homocidal irritation. I don't know why it happens, and I am beyond desperate on ideas with how to control it.

For example, if my cat won't stop moaning at night.... I'm not a little frustrated, I want to chase that cat down and smack him until he's too scared to meow again. If someone chews with their mouth open... I don't just say 'wow that's gross', I literally cannot be in the same room with them without wanting to scream at them. Etc.

Now do I do these things? Of course not. But it's constantly in my head, and I'm constantly depressed and stressed out because of it. And my husband loves me, but my attitude stresses him out too, especially when it's towards the cats which it often is.

I've been on Lexapro for about a month now (which my mom has been on for like 10 years and it helps her), but so far If anything It has made things worse. I'm using my 'as needed' Xanax on a daily basis, sometimes double what I'm suppose to take. I've tried all the cliche 'take a deep breath' or 'count to 10' type of things I just can't.

I've thought about getting therapy, but our insurance doesn't cover it right now, and from whay I've read online it doesn't sound like I can change the insurance until November. So online forums is the only thing I could think of, and this is my first attempt.

I need help. I really really need help, before I finally snap and do some of these things that happen in my head, and I get myself in deep trouble. Please? Any advice?

Wow! Lolo!

You’re going to be a Handful, that’s for sure.

You put me in mind of what I have been telling People here, that people GET Angry, they don’t FEEL Angry. Anger is an Action. What Drives and Motivates these Angry Actions is HATE. We Hate Stuff! You HATE it when Cats yowl in the middle of the night. You HATE people chewing with their mouths open. Your problem is that you HATE a lot of stuff that happens All The Time. The GOOD thing is that you have not killed that many Cats up to now, or strangled that many people. But the Hateful Impulses that you have to use So Much Energy to Suppress and Inhibit, well it has you worn down and frustrated.

You are a perfectionist?, aren’t you. I bet you are a little bit OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). You WANT a Perfect World… you have always wanted a Perfect World. Maybe when you think back, you can actually sort of remember when everything WAS Perfect. Well, the Mind has a Trick. When I was in the Army, I noticed something. Everyone HATED going out to the Field. Tents, Dirt, Guard Duty, Bad Food… etc. But then, after the Exercise, everyone would come back with all these Happy Stories… the Field This… the Field That… It seems that Most People have a kind of Survival Mechanism in their Brain…. They Consciously Remember all the Good Stuff. Now, deep down, they still Shudder and Cringe when the “Field” is mentioned as a Future Plan. Future Bad… Past Good… that is how the Mind works.

Now, I used to react a bit like yourself…. Nothing as extreme as what you mention, except in a few isolated cases. The trick is to stop caring… to not give a rat’s southern exposure about any of that stuff. One thing that helped me, in a Funny Way is Meditation. No Wait! It’s FUNNY because Meditation Consistently Does Not Work. For instance, the neighbors doing Karaoke Singing really badly was disturbing my Math Studies and Naps, so, KNOWING THAT MEDITATION NEVER WORKS, I decided to Focus with One Mind and Full Concentration on the Bad Singing, and, sure enough, My Mind wondered off to other things. I have learned to do it with Old Man Pain. If something Hurts, then I Meditate on It with Total One Mind Focus, and, sure enough, I can Never Pay attention for that long, and because I was Focusing On It, I was able to drift away from the Pain. The Trick to Meditation is that it Does Not Work. The Real Result is that you should Focus on the Things that you want to Ignore. If you try to ignore them, well, you can’t. It is like the Guru who told his new Followers to not think of Purple Elephants. As long as they tried NOT to think of Purple Elephants, that was all they could think of. But, when they set themselves to Meditate on Purple Elephants, soon their minds wondered.

So… and this is just provisional thinking…. Your case is really very challenging… do not OVER STRESS on trying to Ignore What Bothers you. Get Into It and try to Focus on it… and if you are anything like me (yes, OCD) you will find that when you TRY to Concentrate on what Irritates you… your Mind will wonder, just like it always does for everything else….

Well, I hope that was not all too sorry. I will put my Thinking Cap on and try to think of something that really mighty help…. Until then, be brave, and keep it together Girl!

The world is always going to be a certain way. It is how we learn to interact with the world will determine on if it affects us or not. I know easier said then done. For those that are sensitive to their surroundings and more aware, it is even harder. I would recommend to start with meditation and learning how to breath and calm your mind. Changing your thought patterns towards the world will help as well. Trying to know that what people do is not against you and will not harm you. Perception. All of this takes work but you can get there.

On another note, Sudden rage is a symptom of Lyme Disease very often or more specifically something called Bartonella, which usually comes from cats. There can also be a physical reason causing the irritation. Inflammation in the brain is also known to cause rage as well.

Hello Lollo927,

Anger and or irritation are unpleasant feelings, but you already know that! I've been trying to think of some simple strategies to help you.
This gets said all the time, but exercise really is a great "leveler." Maybe an "aggressive" type of exercise like boxing? Or perhaps something more gentle like yoga? Personally i like throwing stones into the sea, imagining them to be all the little irritations i'm offloading.
Diet can also influence the moods - lots of B vitamins, fresh fruit and veggies, not too much red meat or sugar is best.....Or maybe i'm totally off track here.
It would be frustrating to not be able to access therapy when you're prepared to try it out. Some General Doctors can be quite good to talk to. Who prescribes your meds? That person might need to review them, and also support you until you can access therapy.
Try and balance out the anger by being extra kind to yourself, not taking on too much, and doing things that make you feel good.

I hope at least some of this helps,
Imogen

Hi,

The best way to avoid getting angry is to avoid all those things that make you unhappy.
Start with one such thing. Create a resolution that you will never interact with it. If successful for a few days, add another thing to your list.

BTW, do you believe in god? Do you pray? If not, trust me, redemption is impossible.

Hi,
I get unreasonably angry too. What has helped me is to recognise in the moment that the anger is a really a form of suffering - thinking that way, I direct attention back to me and then, using an image, i give myself compassion for that suffering. Once I've eased my suffering I go on to think how the person who irritated me suffers too and give them compassion. In your case, you are REALLY suffering - you deserve compassion. The cat wailing suffers too and has less awareness / choice to better their situation than we humans do, etc. Hope that helps.

Lolo927 wrote:I've always had a temper, but over the last year or so my outbursts have gotten to the point where it's affecting my marriage. I'm a 22 year old female, and have what I like to call homocidal irritation. I don't know why it happens, and I am beyond desperate on ideas with how to control it.

For example, if my cat won't stop moaning at night.... I'm not a little frustrated, I want to chase that cat down and smack him until he's too scared to meow again. If someone chews with their mouth open... I don't just say 'wow that's gross', I literally cannot be in the same room with them without wanting to scream at them. Etc.

Now do I do these things? Of course not. But it's constantly in my head, and I'm constantly depressed and stressed out because of it. And my husband loves me, but my attitude stresses him out too, especially when it's towards the cats which it often is.

I've been on Lexapro for about a month now (which my mom has been on for like 10 years and it helps her), but so far If anything It has made things worse. I'm using my 'as needed' Xanax on a daily basis, sometimes double what I'm suppose to take. I've tried all the cliche 'take a deep breath' or 'count to 10' type of things I just can't.

I've thought about getting therapy, but our insurance doesn't cover it right now, and from whay I've read online it doesn't sound like I can change the insurance until November. So online forums is the only thing I could think of, and this is my first attempt.

I need help. I really really need help, before I finally snap and do some of these things that happen in my head, and I get myself in deep trouble. Please? Any advice?

Its a good sign that you are looking for help. You recognize that you have a problem. You want to help yourself. This is a normal human condition.

Here's what I suggest. You should give the cat away for awhile. It's seems like the pet is causing the most trouble for you to keep your composure. I'll share a story with you.

I remember that I had a similar problem with my ex's small dog. The thing constantly barked and I had this Crazy urge to punt that thing far and away over the fence many times. It only got worse until I decided to keep myself at a distance. So I gave myself a break. I took a vacation for a week. I was gone and never saw the dog the entire time. The urge dissipated and the dog was more tolerable to me. Sometimes I'd get mad at my ex for allowing the dog to do what it does without any restraint. I understood I had a slight control problem. I needed to control the situation and I couldn't so I got angry and it affected our relationship. But I realized I had that problem. That I had a control issue. And somehow... Just knowing what the issue is really helps a lot. You can maintain it and manage it. And you can even help yourself change...

So to continue my suggestion. Give the cat away temporaryly. Ask these ppl to stop chewing with their mouth open and hopefully your anger dissipates as well. Perhaps you have a need to control the situation like I did? Hope this helps.

Dear DrinkingBuddy....

Well, its good to know I am not the only one who has a drink or two before sitting down at the computer...

THAT GUY effectively flipped us all off... told us how stupid we were... and on to abuse his cat, and progressively Larger Mammals. He pretends his Hunger for Mayhem was entirely satiated by his cruelty to a Cat, BUT, realistically, WOULDN'T HE BE LOOKING FOR MORE... BIGGER... BETTER! I wish the Authorities had a way to find that Guy and Pick him up and Institutionalize Him before he could cause much more damage to Life Goodness and Beauty... but everyone seems to agree that they would rather Live in a Virtual Cesspool of a World then pay a bit of taxes to make Everything Virtually Perfect. that is why Rich Conservatives like to Live in Gated Communities,,, they don't Mind Paying to be Protected, but they just don't want to do it with Taxes... that might help somebody besides themselves.

Anyway, that Saddist is long clear of this Forum, and we can only hope that lightening strikes him or something.

But, even with all of that, I think... as an owner of cats for many many years... that that poor cat is probably Damaged Goods. Who would want to take ownership of a cat, that has been made afraid of human contact? .... Or a Cat that Thinks that Human Affection is expressed by sharp smacks, and twisting the legs and tail. Believe me, that cat is All messed Up. It would not make a very good Companion Pet...

did u listen to slayer music??channel your anger into singing trash metal

vivek bn wrote:did u listen to slayer music??channel your anger into singing trash metal

Vivek?!"

It sounds like Vivekananda. what an inspirational and tragic life all at the same time...