darmos653 wrote:Try to start developing a kind of overview of your habitual thinking processes, a bird's eye view of your own mind at work. You do need to be in a slightly meditative or contemplative state of mind for this to happen and it does require some practice but when you find yourself able to do it fairly easily you find that you can see anger and negativity coming and can take mental steps to neutralize it before it takes effect.
In other words, try to learn how to think before you allow yourself to become overwhelmed by negative emotion like anger or anxiety, then ask yourself what do I gain by becoming angry?
Dear Darmos,
Very good advice,
But what drives most Angry Episodes is the Impulse to Action. The Mechanism for Angry Behavior goes something like this -- a Person feels Threatened or Attacked, and it does not matter whether these feelings are at all realistic, and then Adrenaline is released into the bloodstream. Instantly... within a second, or two seconds at the most... there is something like an Overriding Impulse to Fight, Flight or, more seldom, to Freeze. the Fighters are the Ones who get angry. It is the Impulse to Action that gets them into trouble.
With your advice, you are asking for people to Detach and drift into a zone of passive observation. This would work great, but the Adrenaline Driven Fight Mechanism goes all against it. the Trick is to catch the Adrenaline Rush and shut it down before it can 'clunk into gear', so to speak. This requires that the Person be extremely familiar with how he reacts to his own adrenaline rushes, as he has less than a few seconds to shut it down. I notice that my jaw muscles tense up. Other people catch themselves making fists, or they feel their skin begin to flush. whatever the Signal, the person must Immediately give himself, or herself the Order to FREEZE (remember, Adrenaline can have three Reactions -- flight, fight or Freeze. Take No Action is in most of these Situations the Best of all Possible Actions.
Oh, how does a person learn about how Adrenaline strikes them, without waiting for dangerous Angry Episodes to occur. Well, I have found that stabbing your arm with a pin works wonders. Sometimes you don't even have to stab yourself... just getting ready to stab yourself is enough to set the Adrenaline Pumping. Oh, but take caution. Adrenaline may be a bit addictive. Some people who take to Cutting themselves may in fact be addicted to the adrenaline rush. But it is good to know how one reacts to adrenaline, and in some limited way get used to dealing with it. Remember, Moderation is good in everything.
Anyway, Freezing is much better than Fighting, but people feel awkward and embarrassed standing as still as a statue, and it may create something of a scene in and of itself, so they feel they have to say or do something after a number of seconds. So I emphasize moving slowly, perhaps toward the door, and talking softly and most importantly, Not Swearing. Angry Episodes are for the most part governed by the Emotions... that is, even the initial "threat'" may likely have been entirely emotional, with no physical component whatsoever. And Swearing is the Language of Preference for Emotional Outbursts. Also, if the episode happens at Work, or in Public where the police may be called, it is the swearing that will create all of ones residual problems -- objectively observable behaviors that you committed that will be witnessed, recorded and used against you... or it could get even worse, if one also decides to smash property or commit an assault... then you might as well ask for a toothbrush to take to Jail with you. But in most cases Swearing Bursts the Damn that releases all of the other and worse Evils of Anger. If you can keep from Swearing, you have a good chance of not having been Perceived as having been 'angry' at all. people will say that you were momentarily 'flustered' but nobody will say you 'blew your top' or 'lost it'. As I have often said on this Page, "Anger" is NOT an Emotion. Anger is a Behavior. Unless you Behave Angry, well, nobody can say that you were Angry, can they?