OCD and Anger

collard98x wrote: But every time that happens, the intrusive thoughts come back waves, beating my self up, racing through ways that I could have reacted in anger and damaged those people.

It sounds to me that you have learned that "a good Christian" is never angry, but always nice, happy and forgiving.
Or maybe your family keeped the show up for the outside world, while they don't have talked about their real issues.

Anger is just an emotion, so nothing wrong with that. It can be a problem if anger is expressed in the wrong way, hurting and damaging others.
It may help you if you can describe your intrusive thoughts for yourself if you are in a certain situation where your anger is triggered. It may help you if you write it down if you are at home at a quiet place. It really helps if you write it down.
For sure it's something about your past. Don't suppress anything, neither your anger, but try to found out what exactly is the root of your anger.

Can you explain what exactly is triggering your anger when you are talking with others.?

Roady wrote:
It sounds to me that you have learned that "a good Christian" is never angry, but always nice, happy and forgiving.
Or maybe your family keeped the show up for the outside world, while they don't have talked about their real issues.

Anger is just an emotion, so nothing wrong with that. It can be a problem if anger is expressed in the wrong way, hurting and damaging others.
It may help you if you can describe your intrusive thoughts for yourself if you are in a certain situation where your anger is triggered. It may help you if you write it down if you are at home at a quiet place. It really helps if you write it down.
For sure it's something about your past. Don't suppress anything, neither your anger, but try to found out what exactly is the root of your anger.

Can you explain what exactly is triggering your anger when you are talking with others.?

thanks for the reply. I've been praying. Never thought of writing my problems down. (Mostly due to the fact I don't want my friend or family think I'm some psychopath, since I'm already known for my anger with people real close to me, but I'll try it).

Half the time I'm on my phone or laptop, is looking at news. Especially as a black teen in america (same age as Travyon Martin would have been), family, friends, and I have always been keeping an eye on the racial tension in America, making sure I'm keeping up with reality despite what the news tries to cover.

Also, trust me Christian schools are as bad as public. We had problems with drugs, sex, fights, liquor, your name it. During one of senior bible classes, the pastor/teacher went on a rant on how the girls at my school are known for the best blowjobs in the area, preaching oral sex breaks God's commandments. I even had a girl in my biology class get bored and asked out loud how would I **** her or any of the other girls in class with the teacher a couple feet away. I overheard her thanking God she stayed a virgin right before graduation.


Also for the trigger question, for example, one of the things I hate the most is when people attack my character, especially if t'm not taken seriously. I got in the arguement with my former college roommate about that and he just laughed in my face after I confronted him using vape in the room to the point that I couldn't even stay in there because of the smell. So I started cursing him out, blasting loud music like he does to me when I study. Next day, I'm the big angry black man in the dorm with uncontrollable issues, people won't even look me in the face. That idiot has been treating me with absolutely no respect yet I'm getting in trouble. I wanted to beat the sh** out of him so f***ing bad, but instead the situation got so bad when ended up meeting the housing advisor on campus, I ended up apologizing for my mistakes, worked out out our issues, back to being cool with each other. Yet I have raging thoughts wishing I would have f***ing assaulted him when I had the chance, especially as it seem as if I'm letting a white man getting away with treating like some nigga. Yet I did the Christian thing for some unexplained reason, now I regret it.

collard98x wrote:Also for the trigger question, for example, one of the things I hate the most is when people attack my character, especially if t'm not taken seriously. I got in the arguement with my former college roommate about that and he just laughed in my face after I confronted him using vape in the room to the point that I couldn't even stay in there because of the smell.

If I may summarize I see these steps:
* Someone was hindering you in a certain way. You didn't like it.
* You confront the other with his behavior
* He wasn't reacting as you expected
* You reacted very disrespectful
* In the end you got the punishment in stead of him.

Actually you was humbling yourself and make yourself vulnerable, while the other was slapping you in the face.
In fact he hurts your feelings.

The only thing you can do is speak it out, and if the other don't want to understand, leave him and go on.

May I ask you a question?
Did you see this kind of patterns in your family as well?
Did you ever feel yourself taken seriously by your mom and dad?

What does it mean to you to be a Christian and how can it help you to strengthen your self-esteem?

Yet I did the Christian thing for some unexplained reason, now I regret it.

Can you explain what that "Christian thing" is in this situation?

About the roommate situation, I wanted to move out months ago but there wasn't in more rooms. Also my first thoughts weren't "how could he do this to me and be so disrespectful?"; it was more like " this motherf****r better pray to God I move before I loose my sh** and break his f***ing neck". Everything is cool between us now though. Also when I mean the Christian thing I meant forgiveness, second chances, what would Jesus do, working out issues, etc.
I believe that I have a good standing with my family, its usually other people that I have trouble with. I know on my mother's side she has a tendency to overreact to issues with her family. But their anger issues aren't nearly as bad as me.
I don't really have the highest self-esteem and I'm still figuring out the whole Christian thing. Honestly I didn't really care until recently, my parents wanted to me have a Christian education and get closer to God. I just wanted to go to the local school and go to church on Saturdays.
But this could be just my OCD being linked to my anger. During my senior year, I almost didn't graduate because I tried to beat up a kid for looking at me in the bathroom stall. I had no intrusive thoughts about it because I at least tried to harm him (few my friends had to restrain me). With the roommate situation and others I had several opportunities assault those who wronged me, yet I prayed about it and tried to remember the values I was taught. And because of that I have raging thoughts, wishing that I had gave in to anger.

If I may summarize I see these steps:
* Someone was hindering you in a certain way. You didn't like it.
* You confront the other with his behavior
* He wasn't reacting as you expected
* You reacted very disrespectful
* In the end you got the punishment in stead of him.

Actually you was humbling yourself and make yourself vulnerable, while the other was slapping you in the face.
In fact he hurts your feelings.

The only thing you can do is speak it out, and if the other don't want to understand, leave him and go on.

May I ask you a question?
Did you see this kind of patterns in your family as well?
Did you ever feel yourself taken seriously by your mom and dad?

What does it mean to you to be a Christian and how can it help you to strengthen your self-esteem?

About the roommate situation, I wanted to move out months ago but there wasn't in more rooms. Also my first thoughts weren't "how could he do this to me and be so disrespectful?"; it was more like " this motherf****r better pray to God I move before I loose my sh** and break his f***ing neck". Everything is cool between us now though. Also when I mean the Christian thing I meant forgiveness, second chances, what would Jesus do, working out issues, etc.
I believe that I have a good standing with my family, its usually other people that I have trouble with. I know on my mother's side she has a tendency to overreact to issues with her family. But their anger issues aren't nearly as bad as me.
I don't really have the highest self-esteem and I'm still figuring out the whole Christian thing. Honestly I didn't really care until recently, my parents wanted to me have a Christian education and get closer to God. I just wanted to go to the local school and go to church on Saturdays.
But this could be just my OCD being linked to my anger. During my senior year, I almost didn't graduate because I tried to beat up a kid for looking at me in the bathroom stall. I had no intrusive thoughts about it because I at least tried to harm him (few my friends had to restrain me). With the roommate situation and others I had several opportunities assault those who wronged me, yet I prayed about it and tried to remember the values I was taught. And because of that I have raging thoughts, wishing that I had gave in to anger.

Collard,

I remember you. You posted before, and I answered.

what happened to all that?

You are like the Perpetual New Poster. But you've been Here for more than a half year now. When are you going to decide to start DOING something about your Anger instead of just talking about it... trying to milk people for sympathy I suppose. Yes, I realize that there is a lot of that "12 Step" Kind of Thing going on, where people just like to Talk about how Low and Miserable and Depraved they are, like they are PROUD of It! Posters are Bragging about how Angry they Get. Well, it ain't no contest. This is an Anger Management Forum... Not an Anger, 'How To' Seminar.

Scrape up some Human Dignity and try to Straighten Yourself Out. and if you are Hopeless, then why waste our time? Just live your Hopelessly Pathetic Angry Life as much in Isolation as you can and try not to inflict yourself on the Rest of trhe World l

tried to remember the values I was taught. And because of that I have raging thoughts, wishing that I had gave in to anger.

Oke here we go Collard.
Please write down the values you are talking about.
And also write down why they are making you raging and angry.

Make it as easy as possible for yourself, like this:

Value 1: I have to love the other like myself.
Reason why I get angry is:

Value 2: ....
Reason why I get angry is:

And please write down what will exactly happen to you if you should have the full permission to let your anger go as you want. Just write it down here. Be as honest as possible. God is never punishing you for being open and honest, remember that. You are the only one punishing yourself, suppressing all your feelings based on what you (have to) believe.
So write it down:

If I was permitted to let my anger the free hand I will kick my roommate as hard as I can. The results will be that I will hurt and damage him. Our relationship will be destroyed in one minute. Because of that my parents will punish me as well for it. My self-esteem will be less than before because I know that I didn't behave myself like I actually want.
Etc etc, you got the point, right Collard?

How will your life look like after one month of this kind of "freedom" that you are longing for?

If you are willing to open yourself that way, and in fact humble yourself to others, you will see miracles in your life.

Leo Volont wrote:Collard,

I remember you. You posted before, and I answered.

what happened to all that?

You are like the Perpetual New Poster. But you've been Here for more than a half year now. When are you going to decide to start DOING something about your Anger instead of just talking about it... trying to milk people for sympathy I suppose. Yes, I realize that there is a lot of that "12 Step" Kind of Thing going on, where people just like to Talk about how Low and Miserable and Depraved they are, like they are PROUD of It! Posters are Bragging about how Angry they Get. Well, it ain't no contest. This is an Anger Management Forum... Not an Anger, 'How To' Seminar.

Scrape up some Human Dignity and try to Straighten Yourself Out. and if you are Hopeless, then why waste our time? Just live your Hopelessly Pathetic Angry Life as much in Isolation as you can and try not to inflict yourself on the Rest of trhe World l

'

WHAT THE **** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HAVE YOUR READ ANY OF THE sh** IVE POSTED GODDAMMIT? I'm not trying to be like the character from the f***ing fight club movie, constantly bitching about my life and descending into depression, self-hatred and insecurity.
The reason that have not been posting in months is because of suggestions including YOURS have really help me out. I'm not looking for any sympathy or cries for help. I been putting what I've learned from this site and others into use and its been working out so far. My intrusive thoughts aren't nearly as bad and I haven't had a falling out because my anger in months. I'm just trying to f***ing understand more about OCD and my situation. Trying to become a better man then the angry and self hating sh** I've been like since I can remember.

Or maybe reaching back this community that I've been relying on for months was the f***ing mistake in the first place.

Roady wrote:

tried to remember the values I was taught. And because of that I have raging thoughts, wishing that I had gave in to anger.

Oke here we go Collard.
Please write down the values you are talking about.
And also write down why they are making you raging and angry.

Make it as easy as possible for yourself, like this:

Value 1: I have to love the other like myself.
Reason why I get angry is:

Value 2: ....
Reason why I get angry is:

And please write down what will exactly happen to you if you should have the full permission to let your anger go as you want. Just write it down here. Be as honest as possible. God is never punishing you for being open and honest, remember that. You are the only one punishing yourself, suppressing all your feelings based on what you (have to) believe.
So write it down:

If I was permitted to let my anger the free hand I will kick my roommate as hard as I can. The results will be that I will hurt and damage him. Our relationship will be destroyed in one minute. Because of that my parents will punish me as well for it. My self-esteem will be less than before because I know that I didn't behave myself like I actually want.
Etc etc, you got the point, right Collard?

How will your life look like after one month of this kind of "freedom" that you are longing for?

If you are willing to open yourself that way, and in fact humble yourself to others, you will see miracles in your life.

Thank you for the advice, next time when I'm confronted with a similar situation, I'll use this method.

Leo Volont wrote:Collard,

I remember you. You posted before, and I answered.

what happened to all that?

You are like the Perpetual New Poster. But you've been Here for more than a half year now. When are you going to decide to start DOING something about your Anger instead of just talking about it... trying to milk people for sympathy I suppose. Yes, I realize that there is a lot of that "12 Step" Kind of Thing going on, where people just like to Talk about how Low and Miserable and Depraved they are, like they are PROUD of It! Posters are Bragging about how Angry they Get. Well, it ain't no contest. This is an Anger Management Forum... Not an Anger, 'How To' Seminar.

Scrape up some Human Dignity and try to Straighten Yourself Out. and if you are Hopeless, then why waste our time? Just live your Hopelessly Pathetic Angry Life as much in Isolation as you can and try not to inflict yourself on the Rest of trhe World l

Please ignore my last reply what I meant to say was:
WHAT THE **** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HAVE YOUR READ ANY OF THE sh** IVE POSTED GODDAMMIT? THAT sh** ABOUT THE ROOMMATE AND THE FAGGOT FROM HIGH SCHOOL WAS YEARS BEFORE I WAS ON THIS SITE.

I'm not trying to be like the character from the f***ing fight club movie, constantly bitching about my life and descending into depression, self-hatred and insecurity.
The reason that have not been posting in months is because of suggestions including YOURS have really help me out. I'm not looking for any sympathy or cries for help. I been putting what I've learned from this site and others into use and its been working out so far. My intrusive thoughts aren't nearly as bad and I haven't had a falling out because my anger in months. I'm just trying to f***ing understand more about OCD and my situation. Trying to become a better man then the angry and self hating sh** I've been like since I can remember. I went from self-hatred into trying looking at whole situations and figuring out ways to get through it. I went from wanting to beat the sh** out someone from mentioning from anger to actually feeling embarrassed by it!

Or maybe reaching back this community that I've been relying on for months was the f***ing mistake in the first place. Maybe I should give in and just assualt, curse. or kill anyone that wrongs me. Maybe I should track down that faggot from high who was spreading gay rumors about me. Force him to choke on my black c**k and beat his f***ing head in.

Collard,

The First Thing you should do, and it Really Will Help, is Stop your Cussing! Cussing Only Works You Up and Makes It All Worse. You Must have Noticed that by now, right?

So Use some of that OCD for Good instead of Evil and Obsess about Not Cussing and Swearing.

THEN, stop Looking for Excuses to be Angry. There IS NO Excuse. You can Remain Calm and still Protect all your Self Interests and Personal Dignity... you just Do It Calmly. You don't have to be Nice and Smile. You can Look and Act Stern -- like a School Teacher that is deeply disappointed in the Misbehavior in a Classroom -- they Don't Flip Out and go Nuts, do they?, no... they deal with the Worst of Problems simply by Being Serious and Stern.

Also, pick your company. You don't have to hang around and expose yourself to everybody. Yes, we all can't move to a nice quiet mansion on the Hill, but we can all discourage having interactions with Known Low Lifes. don't speak to such people. Walk past them. don't look AT them... look THROUGH them. Send the message that they don't exist as far as you are concerned. the Best Thing you can be criticized for is being a Snob. Nowadays if you AREN'T a Snob, well, it is to admit you are no better than anybody else... and, look around, to be like everyone else is totally pathetic, isn't it? How will you ever have any Friends... well, there will be certain people who SEE that you have Standards and will not just Hang Around with Anybody, and these certain people, that is, the Best People, will find that kind of interesting.

Also, I can almost bet you haven't read Any Anger Management Books. Your Instantaneous Angry Reaction to me... a man who has spent Hours trying to help you... that simply tells us All that you have almost ZERO Awareness of Anger management Skills and Practices. You seem to be just Cruising on Auto Pilot, to a Destination Much Darker than the One you Left Behind. you know, Life won't get any easier as you get older. In fact, people will Cut you Far Less Slack. for instance, cops will give a young person a break, but if you are a stubble faced 30 or 40 Something and cause trouble -- they'll lock you up and throw away the key... and that is after you "accidentally fall down the stairs" once or twice...

So start treating THIS as of Priority Importance... instead of just Sight Seeing and Window Shopping on the Anger Management Scene.

collard98x wrote:Thank you for the advice, next time when I'm confronted with a similar situation, I'll use this method.

Well we all are looking forward to your writings here. Iook at the reaction to Leo. I guess that was a certain situation your anger got triggered.

Leo has nothing to do with your real issues, he is trying to help you and look at your reaction to him?
So tell us: what has your reaction to do with your christian values? What is conflicting so badly in your mind?

Leo Volont wrote:Collard,

I remember you. You posted before, and I answered.

what happened to all that?

You are like the Perpetual New Poster. But you've been Here for more than a half year now. When are you going to decide to start DOING something about your Anger instead of just talking about it... trying to milk people for sympathy I suppose. Yes, I realize that there is a lot of that "12 Step" Kind of Thing going on, where people just like to Talk about how Low and Miserable and Depraved they are, like they are PROUD of It! Posters are Bragging about how Angry they Get. Well, it ain't no contest. This is an Anger Management Forum... Not an Anger, 'How To' Seminar.

Scrape up some Human Dignity and try to Straighten Yourself Out. and if you are Hopeless, then why waste our time? Just live your Hopelessly Pathetic Angry Life as much in Isolation as you can and try not to inflict yourself on the Rest of trhe World l

Look, I know that I shouldn't have blown up like that. It more easier to do so to a faceless stranger than in person. Plus its was 2 am here, I was a little more than drunk (which just seems to heighten my anger issues), and you can't delete posts here. I think I've gotten enough help here. I'm trying to see a anger management councilor that a friend has recommended. I've had several good discussions here. Since I can't delete my account, just leave this thread dead.

I hope Collard's Councilor has a Magic Wand... the Big Deluxe Version.