FAITH wrote:@FriendlyFriend, can’t tell you how much your reply helps me, knowing I’m not the only one. I am actually retired, wish I hadn’t now. Didn’t realize how it helped me to occupy my time. I couldn’t stand the shift work, working midnight shifts. Now I wish I still was. It’s very hard for me now, seeing husbands and wives with there families...couples riding down the street talking..just having someone. Then coming home to this emptiness; waking up day after day nothing really to do or accomplish. PLUS, going through this hell with PAWS if that’s what it is 6 and a half months in. Terrible night last night, woke up after a few hours at 4 am. Heart been skipping around, feeling down, no appetite, no energy, mind having weird thoughts, wondering if I’m actually going to die. Winter, snowing, cold, cloudy dismal days. No sun out for many days now. COVID, can’t really go anywhere. Having to wear stupid mask everywhere. Sorry man, hope I’m not getting you down. I’m 60 in about a month and a half. Moved around a lot during my childhood, never really made a good close friend, partly because we moved several times, partly because I’ve never been very sociable because I have no confidence or self worth. I am blessed though, got a bed, roof over my head and plenty to eat. I guess it’s all these paws or what ever feelings. The decisions I’ve made early in life, not getting married, not making friends, really have come to effect me now. Just another body here would be nice. I tried to volunteer the other day at a food bank/ help center. They said because of Covid, they don’t need anybody. So, back to this “prison” as you say. I don’t know man it’s hard, very very hard at times. Like you, I do a lot of walking just to get out when I can....hurry up and come spring. And please God heal my palpitations and return my health to me. Sorry man, so very sorry for this gloom and doom. I do rarely have a good day or 2 sometimes. Thanks again.
Sorry to hear, though glad that I could be there for you. PAWS really puts the mind in a fragile state, making it hard to envision anything good for the future. It makes you feel like your life is over and all of your decisions were wrong.
Don't worry about the doom and gloom, I'm used to it by now. It's curious, I see in you the exact future I have for years foreseen for myself. I'm at an age where it's still possible to radically change the direction of one's life, yet I'm not taking initiative. At 28, it's almost like my destiny as a lonely old man has already been sealed. I don't have what it takes to maintain a relationship, let alone marriage or a family -- I can barely keep my own life together. Question: will you be able to make peace with how your life turned out? That's really the only thing I want out of life: a peace of mind. Alone or not, it's the only truly valuable thing one can possess.
As for heart palpitations, I had a lot of them when I quit weed the first time (like you, I was paranoid about my heart stopping , so much so that I didn't dare to even exercise). The cause could be something as simple as an electrolyte imbalance. What I found helpful was potassium chloride, which is sold in most grocery stores as a salt substitute. A teaspoon 1-2 times a day (with food, otherwise it'll burn your stomach) should help quickly. I'll pray that you'll find some relief in your life.
