I'm a 40 years old guy, I was with the love of my life for 15 years, the best woman I ever knew. Last week she completely shocked me when she told me she feels that she needs to end the relationship. She said it's just too much for her to handle. That she loves me but she needs to start thinking about herself and she needs time for herself to find herself again. She didn't say it's completely over but that she needs time to think, how much she can't tell, maybe 14 days, maybe a month. After that, she will make the final decision. She moved out of our home to her sister. She told me she can't be my mother, that she needs a man in the relationship, somebody to take action and especially not act like a child when things don't go my way. I'm an introvert, can be easily agitated and my reaction was to become quiet but if I said something it was in a way to make her feel guilty. It was emotionally exhausting for her. In general, we were a happy couple who loves each other and we didn't argue like more than an average couple but in 15 years it was just one too many for her. At first, I was very confused and sad and I didn't fully understand what she meant by all this. But after a few days of contemplating everything about our relationship at one moment, I realized what she meant. I broke down completely and can't stop crying for over a week now. I finally saw or maybe admitted myself how I was really acting towards her. In those situations, I always tried to justify my actions somehow in my head so I felt that I have the right to act like that, I also didn't know better. We always agreed that conversation can solve anything but when a situation arose none of us were able to start a conversation until the buildup was just too much. Now I know that I acted immaturely and I admitted her that everything she said is right and I genuinely believe and accept that. I said I was sorry and that I'm willing to do anything to solve this. Sadly she said that at this moment she's not sure she can believe that.
I really want to become a better person. I want to change, for me, for her, for both of us. But I'm lost. Is therapy the only way? Are there any resources online for something like that? Right now I have the full confidence that I can do it on my own because I truly know what's the issue and so far when I admit myself something I usually can manage to make it right. That alone scares me too because I know my issues are probably rooted deep and it's not that easy. In the end, I'm willing to go to therapy, I'm actually already looking for contacts but is there anything else one can do? Is there any literature I can read. I don't know, I was never in this situation in my life.