my now-former close friend

Hi all.

I've written about Mike here before. Here is some background if you want it: viewtopic.php?t=107697

After that situation, as I outline in the background, I ended up connecting again with Mike in 2019 (i forget exactly when), and things went very well. I promised myself not to push his buttons and he seemed to have picked up on this, and he likewise didn't push mine. Great.

With the recent covid crisis, I've been telling my friends, very nicely, not to send me covid news. I find it unhelpful and upsetting, as there is little I can do but foillow the rules (stay home, 2 metres, etc). I look at the news once a day for about 10 minutes to get updates and that's it.

I told Mike this. He sent me an email, though, telling me how bad things were etc etc. He seemed a bit unnerved, but then again, he always seems that way. He has a partner at home, long term, he is likely getting laid off work, but he is financially very stable, so no worries there.

I wrote back and countered his narrative and said, nicely but firmly, that he might do well from refraining from consuming so much news that he has little control over. And I said, nicely but firmly, to please stop sending me covid informtion as I found it upsetting and not productive.

Here's what he wrote back. I haven't responded, and I'm not going to. I suppose I should have followed my hunch last year and just let the relationship die. I won't, here, defend myself against what he says. But this is cruel and I am sad and angry and hurt. Here it is, in full:


Sent it because I wanted you to be safe. Careful.. So from now on I don’t care what you do. As for the situation not being soo bad...do you read the numbers? They are saying we can become like nyc. Is that not so bad.yes the world survived the spanish flu,yes the world survived aids,yes your poor mother suffered as did so many other innocent people through a terrible war..but did everyone survive? And those that survived do they not bear scars,trauma,ptsd. Bad things do happen in the world,not every day or every decade,but they do happen, and if you listened to the pm this morning he said this is the worst scenario since World War Two. Is that ok,this too will pass? How many will die before this passes?poor thousands upon thousands dead nyers,not my problem. This will pass...

But mostly I intensely dislike when someone tells me what I cannot say or think. If you start to read something that is beyond your sphere-delete immediately and move on. But when a friend writes with only the best intentions and you insist on censoring them,as you have done to me many times in the past and to many other people over the years,then I don’t want anything to do with you. I refuse to play friends with you when it always has to be by your rules and that is the history of our relationship.

So I’m saying goodbye for the time being-you’re a total control freak,you have always been one but I tolerated it all these years because you were my friend and I felt it was beyond your ability to change .

But no more-it is so offensive to me for you to tell me what i can and cannot say.. Again just delete and shut up and ignore. Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do. It’s no wonder you have so few friends,your boundaries are so overbearing and petty who would want to come near you. And yes,this is something I should have told you twenty years ago so I’m saying it now.
Goodbye.