I've written about my friendship with "Mike" earlier, and your responses (and my work with my therapist) were helpful. (You can get the lengthy background here viewtopic.php?t=106123, as I'm not going to repeat the whole thing!)
We ended up resuming our friendship when I was the one (this time) to undergo a rather serious personal crisis. I reached out for support and he was there, and that was good. But, not unsurprisingly, things returned to their old patterns, which mainly consisted of him repeatedly reminding me of my past transgressions and poor behaviour (that I've worked hard to overcome, and largely have), and him complaining incessantly (years and years and years) about his work environment (and I don't disbelieve him that it's bad) but refusing to do absolutely anything about it. (He does have options, as he's unionized. Or he can take early retirement.) I tried to be supportive on the later, trying just to listen, and at times trying to gently (and at times not gently) suggest some remedies.
I like to think I continue to work on myself, and I do, at least in small ways. He's spinning his wheels. And while there's nothing wrong with us being different, I can't think that we, after about 25 years as quite close friends, have much to say to one another. It's like a bad marriage. We don't see one another or hang out. Email contact only.
Anyway, what happened was that about early October, I had sent him an email with a mutual friend's obit -- and he never replied. Radio silence. I didn't send any more emails either. I had a milestone birthday at the end of October -- no contact. And by now, it's been three months of silence.
Do I miss him? In some ways, yes. I recall certain things that make me smile, and at times I'll come across something and think, Oh, that would make Mike laugh -- but then realize he's not around. But I don't miss the drama, or his drama, or the buttons he pushes with me (like reminding me of my past. The past three months have run along just fine without him.
I suppose my problem is that I think that being an adult I should have ended things (if indeed things have ended) more forthrightly by speaking to him about what I felt was not working. I feel somewhat of a coward for just letting things wither and then the radio silence -- I find that immature, like holding my breath and hoping the problem will go away. Well, it has gone away, in effect. Maybe i should just let call it a day and stop ruminating.
Thoughts?