mute wrote:i do understand what cognitive dissonance is but what do i do with that?
im aware of the feeling that i have conflicting beliefs that are deeply engrained in me problem is i cant figure out what they are exactly
and feel like that is part of self sabotage since by resolving those conflicts i would be more successful
so fixing my mindset will allow me to be better which is being sabotaged
becoming wealthy will also put me into a better position and that as well is part of self sabotage im experiencing
Yes. People self-sabotage by failing to resolve beliefs that are holding them back from achieving their goals.
An example is someone that has a goal to be wealthy, to have financial success. In order for this to occur in a free market, the person must believe that they have a product, service, or idea that can be exchanged for wealth.
At the same time, the person might wish to believe a parent uses guilt to stop them from achieving their goal of obtaining wealth.
Notice, these two beliefs are not entirely incompatible. An adult child might decide to open a strip club, sell drugs, become a hooker, or invest in bitcoin. Parents might not approve of those ways to gain wealth. How might the parent stop the adult child? They can't use physical force. They can only use the tool of "guilt".
But, if the adult child later says, "I am not financially successful, because my parents used guilt," is that actually a true statement? In my opinion, it is an excuse. The adult child is scapegoating his or her parents. The adult child is incorrectly blaming his or her parents for failing to become wealthy. The parents could not actually stop the adult child. It is a form of self-sabotage.
Guilt can come in various forms. Parents might say, "Becoming a hooker is immoral, you should feel shame for such an idea." Or maybe the parents say, "You cannot become a sex worker, because I am in bad health and need you to stay here and take care of me."
So the adult child does not become a hooker and then later says, "My parent is to blame for me not finding financial success. My parent used guilt to stop me." Again, I say this is self-sabotage. It is scapegoating the parent, using the parent as the excuse.
Let's say the adult child then says, "Okay mom, you don't want me to be a hooker. Then I will open up a bakery to make money." But the mother says, "I need you at home. You can't leave your poor mother and go work all day in a shop baking bread." It is the tool of guilt. But is it really fair to say it is the fault of the mother that the adult child is unable to open a bakery to generate wealth? In my opinion...NO! It is an excuse.
An adult child can use the "guilt" excuse of a parent again and again and again. They can blame all of their struggles, all of their failures in life to the parent. They never recognize that the parent is not to blame. They remain an adult child, trapped by their belief that the parent is at fault.