emotionally unstable

Humility thwarts aggression. Put aside your desires, and think about what you've done in the past that made your husband happy. There are simple things, that you shared together, that he has not forgotten. He remembers you as that person, and so he far has been able to see through your irritation for the happiest memories he has of you.

The reason for you irritation, may be because of medication you've went on, that has the side effect of changing your personality. Or it could be a hormonal imbalance, but the only way to know for sure, is to see help from a doctor and/or psychiatrist. Since you obviously love him, and cannot understand the reason behind what you are doing, my suggestion, would be the Dr first. Because if it was mentality, you could find in yourself a persistent reason to be mad.
But if it's something you can't control at will, like your body, that is entirely different. Because unless something traumatic has happened to you, people don't just abruptly change in moods, unless something like a medicine, or a deficiency is in effect.

But that's just my opinion, hopefully it helps some.

gallowhillroad wrote:Hello,

I am new here and I really don't know where to start, but I'm just gonna go right ahead.

My husband and I have been together for less than a year as married couple, but 5 years including boyfriend/girlfriend stage. We were so happy and we looked like the ideal couple as we didn't argue much and we're just like happy go lucky.

However, after we got married, i find myself getting irritated easily. I get angry most of the time, especially if things don't go according to how i plan it. i get upset even with the littlest things. Recently, i started cursing and swearing at him. I hated it so much, but for some reason, i can't control it. the worst part is, after I release all my anger, i start to feel really awful and become apologetic. My husband is such a loving and understanding man. never did he shout back at me. He would just stay quiet and tell me he'll just wait until i calm down. I hate this so much. I know the problem is me, but how can I change it? last night, before we went to bed he asked "am i a bad husband?" it hurts me so much because I know he's been nothing, but supporting and loving. i am obviously hurting him. help. i want to change, but i don't know how.

i can't help getting teary eyed while typing this. I don't want to lose my husband. i don't want to keep emotionally hurting him, but when i start to feel angry, i just snap. i really want to change.

Dear GHR,

Welcome! To the Page! Of course it cannot be a very Cheery Moment for you now, but we all Hope that when you Someday Look Back in Time, you find this Event a Happy Memory.

Oh! Reading your Post. Yes, you are absolutely correct in your assessment of yourself. Your Poor Husband! Of course, you clearly Explained that it is NOT HIM, but since He is your Only Available Target, well, he Catches all your Fire, isn’t that so? But you Need to take care of This Difficultly as quickly as Possible, because, well, the Most Common and Accepted Explanation for Constant Irritability in a Wife is that she has grown to Despise her Husband. Your Husband, though I suppose he has always been above such, well, ‘domestic Women’s Magazine’ Issues, may find himself Encountering this Anti-Husband Explanation everywhere He turns and it may become difficult for him to continue to ignore it.

BUT, Something has you Snapping and Biting at the End of your Chain, so to speak. So, Let’s do a little bit of Probing, uncomfortable as that may be, to find out EXACTLY what has you so Nervous and Irritable.

Oh, I think you forgot to mention how Old you are. Oh, well, you’re a Lady, and so I will Work Around all of that. Let me Guess that you are Old Enough to have passed beyond the Age where All of the Wondrous Dreams of your Youth should have already Happened… that “your ship should already have come in” and that you should have been Crowned Queen of the World ages ago. You know it is easy enough for me to imagine that after Decades of Hard Work in educating and preparing yourself, your Career has just plopped you into Work Hours of Constant Drudgery ….and Even When There Are Challenges and you Battle Though All of Them to improbable and almost miraculous Victory, well, then there are not Rewards, no Recognition… just Fellow Co-Workers wondering What Took You So Long on the Smith Account. All of that Aggravation could Unruffle a Perfect Saint!

Oh, but it might be more than just You Realizing that All of the Dreams of your Youth had gone ‘down’ in flames and ashes. Afterall… EVERYONE goes through THAT. Hmmmm… Let me Think… You didn’t mention any children. Usually women mention children … one can hardly FIND a Mother who does not Mention her Children. So I presume you are childless. You Dated for 5 years and have been Married for 1. There doesn’t seem to be any pressing urgency about having children. Is THAT it? Of course I am a Man and Know Nothing about Such Things, but I have heard that Many of Today’s Career Women, even the Ones doing Really Well, feel Forlorn and Empty because of their Childlessness… and then almost every day, out about Town, Shopping In the Finest Shops, well, One sees all of the Babies and they are Everywhere, no? …. What an Irony! Being ‘Haunted’ by little Budding Full of Life Babies…

Well, that should be Enough Probing and Speculation for one Evening. Let’s chat later. Do tell me what you think. I am sure All of us here at the Page will jump in and Figure Out everything it Takes to make your Life Good Again…. And the Sun will Once More Shine, and the Birds will Once More Sing.

You really seem to have PTSD, have you ever been to a doctor? if not then I really think that this is the right time, if you think that you're going to be able to do it all by yourself you would just lose your husband. lots of couples have this very same problem and the only way of getting out of this circle (it feels like a circle, isn't it?) is to get professional help from a third person. Not wanting to get any help means that your pride is more important than your marriage so please, you if you really want to save him and not hurting him then go and get some help, it does seem that you have a loving husband (because a lot of other men wouldn't resist) so I'm sure he would be glad to help you with this.

Weitzel wrote:You really seem to have PTSD.

Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome requires a Prior Trauma. This Lady has a Solid History of Being Just Fine and Dandy. So I wonder how PTSD is your Strongest Suspicion? Is it because that is something you know about personally and you seemed to recognize your own Story in Hers? It really isn't that Odd that 'Feeling Troubled' may feel the same way to different People, even when the Causes may significantly vary. Oh, by the way, Did you read my Post? What I had suggested was a Life Crisis. For a relatively young Woman, there is the choice between Two very common Forms of 'Late 20s or Early 30s' Life Crisis -- there are the Spectacular Students with Advanced Degrees who had been the Acknowledged Pride of their Universities, who end up in Corporate 'Drudge' Jobs where they are Threatened and Bullied on a daily basis by defensive and overly territorial Bosses, and so Now the Poor Women think they did All of that Work in the Universities for a Big Fat 'Stab in the Eye with a Sharp Stick' kind of 'Reward'. THEN there is the Maternal Longing Crisis, which needs no explaining. It is not unheard of to have Both Kinds of Crisis simultaneously.

how can you know that she did not had a previous trauma? that's what I am talking about, she seem to have, but I can't be sure though it is only a speculation

Weitzel wrote:how can you know that she did not had a previous trauma? that's what I am talking about, she seem to have, but I can't be sure though it is only a speculation

Dear Weitzel,

"How Do I Know?" Well, how SHOULD I know such things? The Largest Part of Knowing what People's Problems are when they Write In On Line is by Reading what they tell us. Usually People Remember to Include All of the Really Important Stuff... Stuff like that they just got back from their 7th Combat Tour in 'Ragastan' or Wherever and that they miss having Friends to Talk to because they've all been shot or blown up right in front of their very eyes. Oh, and being Taken Prisoner for 6 months was no Piece of Cake...., you know, That Kind of Stuff. BUT In the Absence of even the Slightest Hint of a mention of Trauma, is it REALLY that ridiculous of me NOT to put PSTD at the Top of my List? Especially when the Personal Condition The Lady Describes can be Explained USING explanations more in conformance to What She Had Told Us.

There is a Philosophical Principle, and I wonder whether you have heard of it -- "Occram's Razor" -- which states that 'Given More than Two Explanations for the Same Thing, the Simpler and Less Complicated Explanation is Probably the Correct One. the Way we Philosophers Remember 'Occram's Razor' is with the Phrase "when you See Hoof Prints, Think Horses, Not Zebras". Do you Understand? It is not Likely that our Original Poster has had much of a Problem with Zebras.

No man knows the things of man except the spirit of the man. The true change can only happen when you understand this.
Change is tough and everyone should be undergoing it to bring out the best in us. Your emotional strength needs to be built up and this will require that you do a renewing of your mind. Man lives from the inside out, meaning how you feel and react now is a product of what you have on the inside. So if you expect to give out what is good, then feed on what is good. If you want to give out love, feed and meditate on love etc.. This is the beginning of the change your expect to see in yourself.

Isaac

Be conscious that if you continue to do this you will lose your husband .Try to find the reason why you are so nervous and what makes you feel this way .Maybe a visit to a psycholog will fix the problem

handheart wrote:Be conscious that if you continue to do this you will lose your husband .Try to find the reason why you are so nervous and what makes you feel this way .Maybe a visit to a psycholog will fix the problem

Dear Handheart,

We all need to get used to the notion that in regards to Anger, or, indeed, Any Psychological Problem, that there can be, by the very Nature of that kind of Thing, NO Quick or Easy Fix.

Both the Behavior of People, and the Way People Think are deeply rooted in Habit and Prior Conditioning. Just having a Purely Intellectual Insight into the 'Reason' for your Problem might constitute a First Step toward Fixing It, but a Person's Life is caught up in the Momentum of Habit, and a Person's First Thoughts and First Reactions will Naturally be those Dictated by Behavioral Habits and Habits of Thinking that go back years... that go back as far as Early Childhood in some cases. That Kind of Thing can't we swiftly undone. One can't Change the Course of a River simply by Knowing that it Should flow Differently.

It Took Time to Build the Bad Habits, and it will take Time to Mend those Bad Habits and to Re-Establish New Healthier and more Socially Adaptive Habits. Nothing but Intense Will Power applied to Workable Strategies and Techniques can speed up the Process. No Psychologist or Psychiatrist can do that for you... especially in just a Few Visits. Also, these Medical Professionals demand a great deal of Money, and the benefits of Seeing Them are nearly always for the most part just Temporary. It is difficult for most Working People to justify the High Cost of such a Short Term Benefit. Also, I might add that Books are Far Cheaper, and if one reads enough of them, well, one is bound to pick up as many or more Insights from the Books as from any but the most Charismatic and Brilliant of Doctors.... and here we need to appreciate that in Any Profession... even in the Professions of Licensed Doctors, but Most of the Them will be Ordinary, and just a Rare Few will be Exceptional and distinctly Talented at what they do. .