Hey I’m new to this but I’m finding it hard to handle my anger and taking everything out on my girlfriend. It all stems from my dad when I was a child.
Does anyone else share these issues and/or know any good routines to do to suppress the anger
Jamespoulter123 wrote:Hey I’m new to this but I’m finding it hard to handle my anger and taking everything out on my girlfriend. It all stems from my dad when I was a child.
Does anyone else share these issues and/or know any good routines to do to suppress the anger
Jamespoulter123 wrote:It all stems from my dad when I was a child.
Does anyone else share these issues and/or know any good routines to do to suppress the anger
Leo Volont wrote:Hi Jamespoulter,
Welcome to the Forum. Your problem, as you seem to have guessed yourself, is kind of generic -- you take your anger out on your girlfriend because she can't expel you, fire you, and is not big enough to kick your donkey, which basically means that you see her as a safe target. It might also mean that you are really conflicted about having her as a girlfriend. You know, when I am in a relationship and I find that I'm beginning to catch a lot of attitude and snippiness, well, I take it as a hint, that the Good Stuff is over, and so I give her the "Hey babe, I'm going to the corner store for a pack of smokes... I'll be right back", and then put three suitecases and a steamer trunk in my car and split and never look back. Honestly, that is what your girlfriend should do to you. Admit it, you're tired of her, right? . And your anger role model was your father. Okay, but whose father was a Saint? It really doesn't mean anything, right?
But, there ARE answers. James, have you taken a look at anything in this Forum. 8 Posts out of 10 deal with Moderate Levels of Chronic Anger. I have written hundreds of responses and many of them are different renditions of basically the same song. You know, I am not going to spend 3 hours writing you a detailed response, when your own post was just a tweet, right. So, James, do your homework, and read about 20 of the posts below... or enough of them until you more less can guess what I would say to you if I thought you were worth the time, right?
Leo Volont wrote:Hi Alwaysask,
Wow, man, the Original Post was 50 words (I counted them). The guy did not give much detail, but I felt it polite to answer something. and so I answered in broad generalities and universal truths (one being that if both you and your girlfriend are acting like you hate each other then you probably hate each other and it is time to move on, right?) BUT I did go on to tell him that if he wanted GOOD advice, then there was plenty to be had, and he only had to keep reading.
Also, since I finally broke down and got a Smart Phone to replace my old clam-shell, it occurred to me that a lot of people are probably THUMBING in their posts on their phone. that would be fine if they would buckle down and just keep going until they really explain themselves. But Thumbs are not nearly as loquacious as Tongues... or all TEN on a QWERTY Keyboard. I'd like to give long Particular and Empathetic Replies to even those who give the vaguest hints, but it simply is like shooting in the Dark.; Also, As I Told the Guy, and as you must have read, his problem is really Generic. The guy's problem is NOT unique. He probably even LIVES in a pigeon hole. SO just look down the POSTS and read every one that also seems GENERIC. Alwaysask, did you bother to read any Posts? My more complete posts would put my more general comments into context. I DISCUSS relationships at length ELSEWHERE. My viewpoint on Relationships and Angry People is that they are doomed. Anger Poisons the Well. Angry people need to take time and fix themselves. Also, it is a bitter truth, but people who have known you when you were Angry will never really trust you not to blow up again. Angry people need to Fix Themselves and THEN MOVE... RELOCATE... START OVER... and that means SOMEWHERE ELSE. Any old girlfriend that is half afraid of you would only be BAGGAGE, right?
Also, the FATHER thing. Alwaysask, I am coming at Anger Management from the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Model. People talking about their Childhood is just chitchat. It is the Ultimate SO WHAT. "I am angry because my daddy beat me". Okay, SO WHAT!? Anger Managment is not served by LOOKING FOR EXCUSES. "My Daddy Beat Me" is just an excuse. In Cognitive Terms one would advise "You gotta quit thinking that boolschittt Father stuff, because it doesn't help". In Cognitive terms one should always be thinking "What is my Plan here and now... what will help me and what will hurt me". People have to shake off Emotional Reactions and Automatic thinking... oh, until they create an Inventory of Helpful Automatic Thoughts. But mostly all of our Past Conditioning and Instincts have to be worked on, and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH DADDY.
Oh, Alwaysask, about your last comment. Well, take a look at the Posting History of this Forum. It really does seem that MOST People now DO read down the Posts before posting comments and come to the determination that they really don't need to post anything, and can just take Advise that already exists. AND, about being Super Friendly. Well, I've tried that, and the problem with being Super Friendly is that one Makes Friends. And 'Friends' want to write in and chit chat all the time... ALL the time. But I'm busy. SO I really DO need to create some distance, right? What about YOU? do you NEED more friends? APPARENTLY!
Leo Volont wrote:People talking about their Childhood is just chitchat. It is the Ultimate SO WHAT. "I am angry because my daddy beat me". Okay, SO WHAT!? Anger Managment is not served by LOOKING FOR EXCUSES. "My Daddy Beat Me" is just an excuse.
Candid wrote:Leo Volont wrote:People talking about their Childhood is just chitchat. It is the Ultimate SO WHAT. "I am angry because my daddy beat me". Okay, SO WHAT!? Anger Managment is not served by LOOKING FOR EXCUSES. "My Daddy Beat Me" is just an excuse.
Butting in to take issue with this.
Bad parenting causes psychological problems, unquestionably -- and there's a lot of it about. Naturally these problems are intergenerational.
Pete Walker is The Man for this.
"Many survivors of traumatizing families grew up in houses that were not homes - in families that were as loveless as orphanages and sometimes as dangerous." ~ http://pete-walker.com/
I agree with alwaysask that our Leo is not as chilled as he'd like us to believe. And as for saying "read my previous posts" without providing any links to those he considers apposite... Really, why bother to reply?
Leo Volont wrote:I honestly thought the guy was beyond hope. But if he did read a bunch of posts and came back with a question, then GREAT, I'm wrong about him. But, as it turned out, he disappeared. Well, that's what I thought, right?
Remember, that is how you were with your co-workers .... from job to job to job.
Candid wrote:Aw Leo, I know you're really just a big ol' cat-lovin' softie.