Return of the darkness.

Postby Fresha » Sun Oct 31, 2021 11:13 pm

Hello, I’m an alcoholic and OTC drug abuser who suffers from depression but mainly anxiety. Numerous factors collided in the last week and I’ve been pulled back under the surface. I’m in a marriage with 1 child but my wife is cold and not understanding of me or my issues, particularly maybe because she’s from a different culture who don’t sympathise much with mental illness / addiction. Last week I had my expensive ebike stolen which now stops me from doing my delivery job. On that same day a guy I knew died of a heart attack. Separately I had this close colleague who I felt I could trust and confide in but, also last week, he left the UK unexpectedly and texted me that he doesn’t want to help with my project. This guy was the only person I could really call a friend. The people in my life are just very distant and almost defensive against me when I try to encourage friendliness. I haven’t taken my sertraline in the last 4 days which hasn’t helped. I’ve also ceased to take the array of astaxanthin, ginseng, nutropic mushrooms & multivitamins because I can’t afford them at the moment. To give you an idea of how I feel, it feels as if my face is pressed against a freezing iceberg that’s sending pulses of despair through my body, if I manage to force my face to look in another direction all I can see is this iceberg of pain stretching on for thousands of miles in every direction. I know it’s unintentionally missing my medication that’s probably triggered this, but being in this low place, where nobody has the remotest idea what I’m going through, what’s in my mind, or what I’m feeling. My wife is a good woman but she snaps at me and orders me around like a dog, and she’s taught our daughter to do the same. I’m just exasperated by trying sort things out for people and trying to help people but always remaining in this place of anguish and deflation.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Nov 01, 2021 3:22 am

Fresha wrote: I’m in a marriage with 1 child but my wife is cold and not understanding of me or my issues, particularly maybe because she’s from a different culture who don’t sympathise much with mental illness / addiction.


I’m sorry, but which culture do you believe sympathizes with at least 14 years of self-destructive behaviors?

You obviously have the ability to charm people. You convinced not one, but two women to marry you. You make friends.

But, after charming people you then destroy those relationships. That has nothing to do with what culture any particular person is from. Instead, maybe like your 1st wife, and like your friends, and like any normal human, she is just tired of your crap.

In one of your last posts you explained how wonderful she was and how a small lapse had sent your young daughter into the street, with CPS getting involved later. Now, a few years later it is you blaming your wife, saying her culture doesn’t understand…

Maybe you don’t understand. Ever considered that? Maybe your wife and daughter are acting completely reasonable in the face of your problems. Maybe they are tired of you saying that they are the ones that don’t understand and that they need to have sympathy. How about you learn to be more sympathetic?
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#2

Postby Fresha » Mon Nov 01, 2021 7:58 am

Thanks for taking the time to respond but you just seem cold and arrogant, I’m not looking to be tutored in the error of my ways, plus the self-destructive behaviour isn’t something I wished for, it’s something I have no control over. I think you might see yourself as a life coach or something, but being analysed and bossed around by someone who thinks they know it all really doesn’t help. It makes me want to delete the post in fact. Thanks anyway for taking the time to write.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Nov 01, 2021 1:41 pm

Fresha wrote:Thanks for taking the time to respond but...


There is no "but". Previously, I took the time to respond to your Internet Bully and Back after 4 Years threads. Guess what? Silence on your part. So this time, I tried something a bit different and it worked. Instead of silence, you were motivated to write a reply.

Did I expect your reply to be positive? Did I expect your sympathy? Absolutely not.

Why does the darkness return for you? Sure, you can say it is the alcohol and OTC drugs, but it isn't that simple. Why do you turn to substances to deal with life in the first place? Maybe, it's because you are the one being cold, unsympathetic, untrustworthy, and arrogant. Being you isn't fun. It's exhausting for you to spend the energy to cultivate wonderful relationships and then destroy them, right?

Your wonderful new wife of just a few years ago and precious daughter did not suddenly become cold and against you. Your friend did not suddenly become untrustworthy.

The main point, is the alcohol and OTC drugs are not the root issue of your darkness. They are just a symptom. It's your own arrogance, and more precisely that you don't even see that arrogance, that keeps opening the door for darkness to enter. You use people. You use relationships, but you don't see it.
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#4

Postby Fresha » Fri Nov 05, 2021 10:10 pm

Why are you going going on Internet forums for depression and attacking the depressed people on there? You don’t have the right to judge me like this and tell me how everything works. Sometimes people are just looking for a friendly voice to speak to, sometimes people don’t want to be assessed and decoded by people like you who assume you know better. Before writing the post I paused for a moment, worried I might attract attention by an arrogant expert who knows it all and here we are. These forums always seem to have some self-appointed expert, circling like a vulture, on the lookout for more wounded prey to feed off. My friend, people are flawed, people have faults, issues and problems and most of the time they keep it hidden, locked away, for fear of opening a can of worms and making things worse, for fear of being judged. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could write something on a depression forum and for it to lead to a constructive, illuminating conversation, instead of descending into some pointless argument about nonsense because I didn’t reply to you last time! Apologies if my forum etiquette is below your standards but I’ve got other things to worry about. I can imagine you’re the type of person who preaches a lot but has little to no experience of real life and real problems. I’m guessing you work in education, a lecturer maybe, or a similar role, that provides you with a false sense of power, that self-righteousness and self-importance you stink of. People have faults, that’s why I posted here, in the hope of finding some empathy or someone with a similar experience - not to be judged and told I use people. I wonder, have you ever used people? Who are you to judge people?
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Nov 05, 2021 10:52 pm

Fresha wrote:… for fear of being judged….People have faults, that’s why I posted here, in the hope of finding some empathy or someone with a similar experience - not to be judged and told I use people. I wonder, have you ever used people? Who are you to judge people?


And there you have it. You fear being judged. Why?

Of course I’ve used people, same as you. I’m not proud of it, but as you have pointed out people have faults. I don’t try to use people. I don’t think you do either. It still doesn’t make it right.

Who am I to judge people? Well, I’m the same as you my friend. I can judge, same as you. I find it quite farcical how people repeatedly post about their situation and then sit high on their thrown, waiting to judge people for judging them.

I don’t fear being judged. You do.

I don’t fear making mistakes. You do.

I don’t have an issue with being flawed or being perceived as flawed. You do.

If you want to escape the darkness…maybe, just maybe I’m onto something.
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#6

Postby Fresha » Sat Nov 06, 2021 9:56 am

Oh go and bore someone else.
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Nov 06, 2021 1:06 pm

Fresha wrote:Oh go and bore someone else.


So you are here to be entertained, not for help. I thought this was a forum to solicit advice. My mistake.

You are in darkness, because you can no longer expect your wonderful wife or child to be empathetic. Same goes for your colleague. Same for the people on your thread complaining about FB. You burn bridges. People are empathetic, but eventually they tire of your routine. So you turn to an anonymous, online forum to get your fix.

Do not worry. The Internet is a big place. Eventually you will find a stranger that will respond how you like. Someone will tell you what you wish to hear. It won’t do anything to solve the underlying problems you face, but it will temporarily reinforce what you want to believe.

Don’t use strangers on the Internet to get your fix. It isn’t helpful. Work on repairing your real world relationships.
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#8

Postby Fresha » Tue Dec 14, 2021 10:55 am

Richard@DecisionSkills I’ve logged a formal complaint against you with the admin of this site for your online bullying and personal attacks. I’ve seen I’m not the only person on here you think you have the right to shame and humiliate.
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#9

Postby quietvoice » Tue Dec 14, 2021 12:49 pm

Fresha wrote:Richard@DecisionSkills I’ve logged a formal complaint against you with the admin of this site for your online bullying and personal attacks. I’ve seen I’m not the only person on here you think you have the right to shame and humiliate.
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#10

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Dec 14, 2021 1:50 pm

Fresha wrote: I’ve seen I’m not the only person on here you think you have the right to shame and humiliate.


Fresha, I do not “bully”, attack, humiliate, or shame anyone. That includes you. That you don’t think my opinions are helpful, fine. That you don’t like or enjoy my opinions, fine. That my opinions don’t give you a warm, fuzzy feeling, fine.

A public forum has disagreements Fresha. It isn’t a place for you to only hear what you wish to hear. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable, You might want to thing about that.
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#11

Postby Adamant32 » Thu Dec 16, 2021 10:15 pm

Sometimes truth can be sobering. I've read a lot of Richard's posts, and they are straight to the point.
In my opinion bitter truth is better than sweet lies.

You've got issues, and you have to work on them, as I have to work on mine.
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