Love and Anger have broken me, please help.

There is a way out of this, and it will dissolve the ego, and the ego is never satisfied, so if you think the solution is not satisfactory, that is an egoic thought pattern.

You can forgive them and choose to believe that they were trying their best.
You can accept them for who they are.
You can surrender to what is, whatever will be will be.

You can set yourself free from the burden of resentment, let go of the anger and choose to be at peace.

I don't blame you if you choose not to do this. Sometimes accepting that we cannot accept a situation is the next most satisfactory option

JuliusFawcett wrote:There is a way out of this, and it will dissolve the ego, and the ego is never satisfied, so if you think the solution is not satisfactory, that is an egoic thought pattern.

You can forgive them and choose to believe that they were trying their best.
You can accept them for who they are.
You can surrender to what is, whatever will be will be.

You can set yourself free from the burden of resentment, let go of the anger and choose to be at peace.

I don't blame you if you choose not to do this. Sometimes accepting that we cannot accept a situation is the next most satisfactory option

What you are advising, Mr Fawcett, is emotional repression. Feelings do not disappear because I have initiated the administrative classification of forgiveness, or because I fully accept my abusers/ aggressors 'for what they are'. Nor will my anger dissipate because I surrender to "what is"and to "what will be." These suggestions of yours are mental tricks, often favoured by CBT so-called practitioners but which do not address my deeply held fury.

Anger is like something I have eaten, long ago, and which festers deep within me. To be free of it I must fully acknowledge and accept it and than I can fully express it - not necessarily using the Primal Therapy methods, but using anything practical to hand, for example writing, creative work (music, drawing, clay modelling), talking and a range of other means according to circumstance. To fully integrate and experience my anger i need to understand exactly where it comes from, how I have connected my apparent "love" for someone with these feelings of destructive rage. I have struggled with my rage all my life and I know how to work with rage in myself if not how to help others. Its important to remember that rage is not necessarily ONLY connected to the issues we imagine it is connected to; rage invariably links to much earlier experiences and this is the case with Mr ImmortalSpirit. Where there are very loving feelings in a relationship then anger will be slow, but in this case, the relationship seems to be very strongly connected to anger and I feel strongly that there are other issues like jealousy, ownership and despair linking far back ion time for Mr Immortal Spirit. To offer this gentleman such a trite summation to his suffering appears to me to be a brutish act, although I accept you genuinely wish to help. My suggestion to Mr Immortal Spirit is that he write about his issues, he seems to have a very good ability to get to painful issues with great honesty. If he can afford counselling from a professional counsellor then that will help also - but his own consistent effort in writing will ultimately help the most. Extreme fury has to be accepted, fully explored and reconnected within myself before I can be free of its control. Anger is usually like the cork in a bottle, in this case a bottle of emotions. Anger is an allowed emotion, whereas loss, grief, humiliation, injustice, sorrow are not seen to be manly. That is why Mr Immortal Spirit experiences such difficulty in working with underlying causes, he is frightened because a part of him knows that beneath the anger is a vast reservoir of painful feeling, including possibly abandonment, loss, despair, grief and all the other hurt feelings that can accrue in a person badly hurt in their childhoods. For Mr Immortal spirit to face this wolf from the past will require, just as it did from me, unusual courage. Please, don't insist to him that he can repress his feelings by your ludicrous CBT formulations - that is such a horrible act of deception and it will not make his suffering go away, it will drive it in deeper, more hidden from his conscious awareness where it will really start to fester.

Your resistance to letting go of your anger is quite normal. Egoic thought patterns do not choose to be dissolved, and let's be clear dissolving and letting go of anger is very different from repression. Repression is what you are doing already, right?

You reveal the egoic thought patterns in this sentence "loss, grief, humiliation, injustice, sorrow are not seen to be manly."

Acceptance, forgiveness and surrender dissolve egoic thought patterns of anger. There is no holding back it is letting go.

Consistent happiness is available to all, we can let go of thought patterns to do with fear, anger, jealousy, blame, guilt, sorrow, irritation, frustration, criticism, resentment, tension and allow happiness to flow more easily. Egoic thought patterns can resist, they are not satisfied with anything, not happy with anything, they don't like anything, they don't like me much, they don't like you much either.

Love is the healing force, liking more, appreciating more, accepting more, smiling more, caring more, encouraging more, thanking more, supporting more and as you do this the egoic thought patterns try to sabotage the happiness that is dissolving them "This is fake, I hate this, this is unacceptable, are you a man? you can't just forgive, poor me! get your own back, what are people going to think of you now?" playing on your fears, holding you back from the joy that you could be having in your life. It's your choice buddy, people tend to choose love when they have had enough of suffering and this always happens at the perfect time.

JuliusFawcett wrote:Your resistance to letting go of your anger is quite normal. Egoic thought patterns do not choose to be dissolved, and let's be clear dissolving and letting go of anger is very different from repression. Repression is what you are doing already, right?

You reveal the egoic thought patterns in this sentence "loss, grief, humiliation, injustice, sorrow are not seen to be manly."

Acceptance, forgiveness and surrender dissolve egoic thought patterns of anger. There is no holding back it is letting go.

Consistent happiness is available to all, we can let go of thought patterns to do with fear, anger, jealousy, blame, guilt, sorrow, irritation, frustration, criticism, resentment, tension and allow happiness to flow more easily. Egoic thought patterns can resist, they are not satisfied with anything, not happy with anything, they don't like anything, they don't like me much, they don't like you much either.

Love is the healing force, liking more, appreciating more, accepting more, smiling more, caring more, encouraging more, thanking more, supporting more and as you do this the egoic thought patterns try to sabotage the happiness that is dissolving them "This is fake, I hate this, this is unacceptable, are you a man? you can't just forgive, poor me! get your own back, what are people going to think of you now?" playing on your fears, holding you back from the joy that you could be having in your life. It's your choice buddy, people tend to choose love when they have had enough of suffering and this always happens at the perfect time.

Your insistence on forgiveness is what tells me you have not relinquished your anger and spite, it is what drives you, Mr Fawcett. I do not experience you as loving in the slightest.

"Your insistence on forgiveness is what tells me you have not relinquished your anger and spite, it is what drives you, Mr Fawcett. I do not experience you as loving in the slightest."

This is projection, yes?

I forgive you, I love you xxx

JuliusFawcett wrote:"Your insistence on forgiveness is what tells me you have not relinquished your anger and spite, it is what drives you, Mr Fawcett. I do not experience you as loving in the slightest."

This is projection, yes?

I forgive you, I love you xxx

Please, what is it exactly that you forgive me for, Mr Fawcett?

ImmortalSpirit wrote:My life has become incredibly painful. After learning of my wife's (who still says she loves me and wants me in her life because I am the only MAN she will ever love) affair with another woman who claims to still be my friend, I am constantly facing an inner battle with myself. Fighting with myself over whether to suppress the intense rage I still harbor, or just tell my wife, my close friends and family, my parents who are letting me stay with them right now, my therapist, that I am doing just fine. I don't want to cause those I love any pain knowing that I am still feeling such pain, and also, I do not want to be arrested again! Late January, I was arrested for the first time in my 32 years because I became verbally enraged at my wife and her lover and the police were called. After that horrid ordeal, I feel that my anger has such CONTROL over all aspects of my existence, control over my thoughts as I awaken each day to the visions of THE ONLY WOMAN I HAVE TRULY LOVED having a new sexual relationship. I have two young sons ages 2 and 9. I need to explain more, I know, but this is the 'tip of the iceberg' and after finding this forum, I had to at least 'vent' here for a moment. Anyone with similar situations or just general words of help is greatly appreciated.
Thank you... -Nathan

Thank you for your honesty and courage in making these disclosures, Nathan. I really value what you told us. I also struggle with fury; my own fury is from the distant past and it erupts to spoil my life in the present. Perhaps your anger is simply from the present, it has no links to other times when you were angry, is that correct? I too have often withheld psychological information from my therapist/s, which in retrospect seems self destructive - its their job after all to help me face my stuff, but somehow I never trusted their abilities to help me. Is there a trust issue for you in relation to your therapist? Young Mr Fawcett is urging you to forgive, but I am not sure who you would be expected to forgive or for what. Has anyone who abused you asked for your forgiveness? My understanding is that forgiveness is a way of lying to myself about what I feel. Because, I can forgive till the cows come home but my feelings about what was done to me remain just as fresh and urgent, is that not the case for you also?

Jack Rainbow wrote:

JuliusFawcett wrote:"Your insistence on forgiveness is what tells me you have not relinquished your anger and spite, it is what drives you, Mr Fawcett. I do not experience you as loving in the slightest."

This is projection, yes?

I forgive you, I love you xxx

Please, what is it exactly that you forgive me for, Mr Fawcett?

Anything and everything that you have ever done to hurt yourself or anyone else is forgiven, the past is over and we can start again with this current thought in this beautiful moment of creation. I love you.

I will not respond to you again. Goodbye, Troll.

Your choice, whatever keeps you happy

The reason why we have that INNER BATTLE; is because we do something but at the same time we think we making mistakes :

I think the best is to prioritize RELAXATION:

do not feel like you are trapped with someone you don't want to be with: because you have option to quit anytime you want ; so feel free to RELAX

can you choose your next thought?

I would suggest counseling for both you and your wife. You need that so you can work on your relationship.

Thanks for sharing.