by Cece431 » Wed Jul 22, 2015 1:19 am
Sorry QTvoice I was distracted. Are you asking me what was the basic emotion that lead me to post here regarding anger in the first place? I just want to make sure I understand your question properly. "Follow your heart but take your brain with you". Do I love this man? Yes. Did I break up with him when I refused to deal with his behavior (anger outbursts)? Yes. Did I break up with him because I didn't love him anymore? No. I logically saw that our relationship took a turn for the worse, I saw red flags and instead of what others said " enabling " his behavior I broke things off, and instead of staying with him based on emotions I knew I would not be in a relationship like that regardless of my own emotions and love for him. Now that I'm in a position where 8 months has gone by and he explained he wants to be with me, get married and I'm the love of his life. Now since I do love him, like I mentioned in previous post, I'm not willing to just jump back in. Even if its easier that way to default back to the person you love, know and comfortable with. So emotionally I love him, I'm prepared that this will not work out and he will not be able to recover from his anger issues. So I came to this forum I guess you can say, pushed by emtions and logic. I don't want to fix his issues, I don't want to learn how to cope with being his punching bag, I do want to understand him, where these triggers are coming from, is it possible to recover for him? I was under the impression that maybe there would be a man to see the post and we could chit chat about his experience openly about his past anger, and give me some insight. So far, I've been told I'm damaged and I can't fix him, or I write like I'm a perfect saint. Which of course I'm not lol, but as it stands, right now between me and this man is his anger. To me it always seemed to be when he loses control, some very small issues.... Like example, we are both smokers (yes I know it's gross) but in the car, while smoking I rolled down the window a little too much on a hot day, he did the window up further on his side, I didn't even notice, so a few minutes later I rolled it down a bit more to ash out the window better. He actually starting yelling at me "WTF!!! I just rolled it up, its too fking hot and I have the AC going" and there's a start of a fight. So yes, I didn't want to be with someone like that. Now I'm very surprised to hear his confessions, he's no longer denying that he needs help and his anger is ruining his life. With this new attitude I've never seen in years, I wanted to see from maybe someone that recovered from their anger issues, have more control over outbursts if they could shed some light for me. If you read my first post and some after I'm literally asking questions how anger effects his mind, and his emotions and like I said to Richard case number one, can he recover while being in a relationship? I think people are more interested in my own issues, and truly believe I'm allowing myself to be in an abusive relationship, and that I enable his behavior. When in this current situation, I want to go to therapy with him and see if progress can be made, and if he is sincere about recovering.