need help with low self-esteem after migration

**Posts:** 4 · by **Dandelion88** » Wed Mar 16, 2016 11:48 pm

Hi everyone,

I would like to ask you for some advice or for your experiences regarding being a foreigner.

I'm an Asian girl who moved to Austria when I was 19. Now I'm already 27. I came to Austria to study because I wanted to challenge myself after high school. I was always a bright student in my home country, and spent my young years surrounded by love and appraisals from my family and friends. Maybe because of that I had an illusion of myself being a talented person. Only when I came to Austria did I step out of that fantasy world. I live here with relatives of my parents. This is the first time I live with strangers - those who do not love me as much as my parents and never in the last 8 years gave me a compliment. These relatives are so complicated and I've been having a really tough time living with them. But I can't move out because I cannot afford living alone - my parents never supported me financially. I help them with the children and house work. In exchange I have food and shelter. But I do not feel much love from them, many times they talk to me as if I'm not welcoming in their life. I've always feeling lonely and sad since I came here. At the university it was so hard to make friends. Even though I excelled in all of my German class and even became a German tutor for my friends, and even though everybody tells me that my German is excellent and I'm a totally gifted person in languages, I still feel that I cannot understand and communicate with people on an academic level, discussing academic topics with friends and professors. On a day to day basis I have no problem, but I still feel that I'm excluded from this society. I know it's a cultural factor that the Austrians are more serious and colder than other folks, and as I'm a very sensitive and emotional person who always wants to make friends and get close to people - just like Asians do, I cannot integrate into the society. I struggled a lot at the university, I had little friends who are also foreigners like me but they were financially supported by their parents so they studied faster than me. I had to work almost full time beside studying so I fell behind most of them. For an A1 student-used-to-be like me it's a shock. Life was not happening as I expected - so I started blaming myself for everything sad that happened to me. That was just the beginning until I had depression, I cried almost everytime when I saw my friends posted on facebook or LinkedIn about their success. I can't stop comparing myself with others and feeling like the biggest loser of all time. I try to participate in many students' organisation but I can't attend the discussion - everytime I say something I feel so stupid and inferior. I've noticed recently that my self-esteem - used to be so high - is now touching the bottom. I feel so worthless and as an outsider in this country. What can I do now to live a happier life?
Thank you very much in advance for reading and helping me.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Mar 17, 2016 12:44 am

A great place to start is to stop comparing yourself to others.

And no one posts their failures on FB or LinkedIn, so that is just a ridiculous method to use anyway. I'm sure your FB page has a picture of you smiling in Germany. Your friends look at your FB and think how wonderful, the same as you do with their FB pics. So stop using social media as some sort of life comparison tool. If you can't stop, delete your accounts.

**Posts:** 2008 · by **WonderGurl** » Thu Mar 17, 2016 9:25 am

Looking outside of yourself to feel good about yourself is not a good idea, you will always keep looking. You need to learn to appreciate yourself instead of longing for appreciation and compliments from people around you. You cannot rely on that.

You need to stop comparing yourself with others so much. Start focusing on what you have achieved so far instead of the areas where you think you are failing. Make a list of your achievements and view your "failures" as areas where you can improve instead of a stick to beat yourself with.

You have lots on your plate right now. You were saying you're helping the people you live with, you are working and studying at the same time? That's a lot going on. Try to organise your life a bit, maybe prioritise your tasks, or plan the next day before bed.

Where your social life is concerned, you should make more of an effort to get to know the culture better. Many European people are reserved by nature, unless maybe you move closer to the Mediterranean. That doesn't mean you cannot make close friends. With everything going on in your life, it might be difficult to squeeze in socialising, but it's important that you do. Eventually you will make close friends. By making some close friends with local people you will learn to enjoy the culture. It will help you to notice the nuances of the culture and maybe even come to love it.

To help you to integrate into society you should distance yourself a small bit, but not completely, from people from your own country. One of the reasons why you don't feel a part of the society could be that you are not giving yourself a chance to become a part of it, or that you don't think you are good enough to be part of it.

Instead of thinking about how life is not going as you expected, think about what you would like your life to be. There's no sense in looking at the past, thinking about all your perceived failures and focusing on all the reasons why you are such a failure. It's not going to get you anywhere good. Look at how your life is working out or how you can use what you have now to get to where you want to be.

**Posts:** 4 · by **Dandelion88** » Thu Mar 17, 2016 9:34 am

Richard and Wondergurl, thank you so much for your words. They help a lot. I will try doing what you suggested

**Posts:** 330 · by **cynthialeighton** » Fri Mar 18, 2016 12:13 am

Dandelion88 wrote: I live here with relatives of my parents. This is the first time I live with strangers

You've been there for a while now, so you're not exactly strangers anymore. Search for ways to be helpful to your relatives beyond what you're doing now. That can build your self esteem as you contribute more to your household!

**Posts:** 263 · by **handheart** » Fri Mar 18, 2016 5:05 am

Well at colege its not easy its dificult at begining .Also working almost full time it makes the process more dificult .I will sugest you to read The law of attraction to think in it and aply it on your life .Everithing in your life its atracted to you by the mood how you think

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