Intrusive thoughts questions

Are you willing to change?

Are you willing to forgive?

Dear Collard,

Yes, you are not the only one whose mind gets stuck in a rut of Useless and Irrelevant Thinking, though the Violence and Cruelty that characterize some of the Thoughts that trouble you would seem to be Out of the Ordinary in a very disturbing way. Hmmmm… it makes me wonder whether you have a History of Playing those Computerized Video Games… you know, the Violent Ones where you Score Points by piling up murder after murder. I don’t think that Anybody can spend hour after hour Slaughtering Make Believe Game Characters without it Warping Over into One’s Real Life. It is similar to people who spend too much time with really kinky pornography… it begins to effect the way they Feel and Think about the Actual People in their Lives… and NOT in a healthy way.

But, for the Present, let’s just deal with your problem with your Runaway Internal Dialogue – thinking thinking thinking about stuff that just seems to be a distraction and a nuisance to you . It often happens to me, especially if I try to take quick little catnaps to refresh myself after Studying Math. I have trouble dropping off to sleep because my Mind will be pursuing some Irrelevant Line of Thought. I have learned to impede and stop that kind of Thinking by counting slowly up to One Hundred, and then over and over again until I find myself waking up from the Nap (of course I don’t suppose I keep Counting while Asleep). BUT, the Technique DOES take a certain amount of Practice. Often I find myself being Distracted Off the Count by my Runaway Thoughts. Well, then one must simply start over again. Often it seems Impossible to Totally Dismiss the Runaway Thoughts, BUT, if one can Only Keep Up the Counting, then the Intensity of the Runaway Thoughts must necessary weaken and be more in the Background as the Counting seems to take Priority with the Mind.

I’ve been getting Better at it, and perhaps I can suppose that this Technique will eventually Help me, in a General Way, to Control My thoughts. With the Practice of Dismissing Unwanted Thoughts by Counting, it seems reasonable to suppose that it will someday get Easier to simply Dismiss Thoughts directly just by, well, dismissing them. But Everything Takes Practice, don’t you agree?

Counting up a hundred when I get these thoughts has been something I've been trying for the last month and seems to becoming more effective. Also I do play violent video games and watch graphic films, but I had a violent temper before that. People I had problems with (99% of everyone I know) always assumed that I was an anit-social and shy person while in truth I'm afraid I just blow one day and try to cut their f***ing throats. The thoughts are getting less severe which is great.

collard98x wrote:Counting up a hundred when I get these thoughts has been something I've been trying for the last month and seems to becoming more effective. Also I do play violent video games and watch graphic films, but I had a violent temper before that. People I had problems with (99% of everyone I know) always assumed that I was an anit-social and shy person while in truth I'm afraid I just blow one day and try to cut their f***ing throats. The thoughts are getting less severe which is great.

Good! in fact, Great! Progress IS Progress.


But, YES, it should be obvious to you that You Are No Longer Allowed ANY Graphic Violence. No Violent Games, and NO Action Movies. You need to pretend you are a Chick for a while!... or Not Quite That Bad.... Sappy Romantic Movies might be too much for you... or too much for Anybody but the silly chicks they make those Movies for, BUT Everybody should like a Good Comedy... even Romantic Comedies are often pretty good... but check the Reviews First. But, AGAIN, Nothing With Any Blood, Knives or Bullets.

It reminds me of my Dreaming. Now, in the World of Dreaming, there are Well-Lit Places, and they are Clean and Orderly and the People are Nice, Clean and Civilized. Then there are the Dim and Dark Rooms that are often Dirty and the People are Brutal, Ugly and Negative. So, if you are at all aware and paying attention in your Dreams, just by Looking at how Bright the Ambient Lighting Is you know whether a Place is Good or Bad. Of course most people think that they are Stuck with the particular Dream they are in... well, Yes, sometimes, but Often you are Free to Walk out the Door of a Dark Stinky Room and Fly Away... or it seems more like Levitate Away, and usually you Come Down into a Nice Beautiful and Well Lit Dream Scene. ANYWAY, the Way this Applies to Your Situation is that YOU Need to Take Charge of how Much Darkness you Let into your Life. Yes, for a very long time to come, you will still get Violent Thoughts... they were there SO LONG that it will take a Long Time to Wind them Down. But you can Help Significantly by not Contributing to them.

Oh... here is a Famous Old Anger Management Story.... A young Indian comes up to the Old Indian Chief and complains about being Angry, Hostile and Bitter all the Time. So the Old Chief tells the Young Man that 'inside everybody is Two Wolves. One is Ravenous, Sneaky, Backbiting and Cruel, but the other Wolf just wants to be a Good Member of the Pack, to Run Free, and Play in the First Snow Every Year. and Each Person has to Choice between the Two Wolves. ' "Well", asked the Young Man, "How do we Make that Choice". The Old Chief's answer is "If you Only Feed the One you Want, the other will Starve". Yeah, silly stupid story, but People remember it. You have to Keep an Eye on what you Feed your Mind. Stay in the Light!

Oh, Do you get along with Animals? Dogs are High Maintenance, but Cats mostly take care of themselves. They make Fine Companions in every sense of the word, that is, they show Affection, but they are not Overly Needy and will leave you along most of the time. What they like, and you will enjoy it too, are several brief and rather Ritualistic 'Quality Times' a Day (typically the Owner will set up a Special Time and Location for Brushing, or Playing, or just petting them and scratching behind their ears, and that would be Your Quality Time, but then the Cat usually Creates a Time and Location where it Comes to You and provides You with a Quality Time, that is, they will jump up on your lap and snuggle and act affectionate for about 5 minutes, and then they will move on to the Next Thing on their Busy Schedule). Anyway, they say Pets are a Great De-Stressors. Also I have found my 4 Cats to be Great Practice in avoiding Anger... even the smallest symptoms of Anger. You See, cats can be naughty... especially the young ones... and so you have Opportunities to Just Let Things Go.... Clean Up the spilled Coffee without cussing about it... that type of thing.

the Risk of getting a Pet is that you might flip out and be Violent with the Pet. Mostly that doesn't happen. Just as Socialized Cats and Dogs have an Instinctive Inhibition toward ever Fighting or Biting a Human Being, especially their Owners, well, that Same Evolutionary Trick worked on Humans too... People Automatically Treat their Pets better than they would treat 'Animals' in general. But, even then, it would be Something you would have to be Very Careful About -- that the Reason you got the Pet was in order to Practice NOT BEING Violent to it. a pet would be kind of like a Permanent Roommate that you are Simply Not Allowed to Kill. and if you didn't kill it, it would give you confidence to Face People without the Fear that you would Flip out and Slaughter them.

Oh! Here is My Most Important Advice.... You are No Longer Allowed to Cuss or Swear. In fact, you are now advised to prevent yourself from even THINKING in terms of a Bad Word. I firmly believe that Cussing is the Gate Way to all sorts of Anger and Negativity. And I got pretty good at Not Cussing and not even thinking in terms of Cuss Words. But my hips are shot and any Operation is months away, and so often I get a Shooting Pain, and I find myself reaching for the OH ____! word... but I manage to clamp down before I say it. but it just goes to show you... with all of this Anger Management Stuff, you have to Stay in Practice! You need Daily Reminders that you are Inherently an Angry Person and the Only Way to Prevent ACTING like that Angry Person is to Remember all the Steps it takes to prevent being Angry. If you can Remember from day to day... by reading a chapter or a half of any Anger Management Book, or whatever else, then you can more Safely go through your Ordinary Days being just cautious enough to Monitor your Thoughts and Check your Behaviors.

Anyway, let me think if there is anything more I can tell you... but, otherwise, let me know what you think, and keep 'reporting back' on your Progress, or Lack Of... it is rare that I can't think of Anything....

Stay in touch!

Toxic shame is worth a look if you haven't already.

Good! in fact, Great! Progress IS Progress.


But, YES, it should be obvious to you that You Are No Longer Allowed ANY Graphic Violence. No Violent Games, and NO Action Movies. You need to pretend you are a Chick for a while!... or Not Quite That Bad.... Sappy Romantic Movies might be too much for you... or too much for Anybody but the silly chicks they make those Movies for, BUT Everybody should like a Good Comedy... even Romantic Comedies are often pretty good... but check the Reviews First. But, AGAIN, Nothing With Any Blood, Knives or Bullets.

It reminds me of my Dreaming. Now, in the World of Dreaming, there are Well-Lit Places, and they are Clean and Orderly and the People are Nice, Clean and Civilized. Then there are the Dim and Dark Rooms that are often Dirty and the People are Brutal, Ugly and Negative. So, if you are at all aware and paying attention in your Dreams, just by Looking at how Bright the Ambient Lighting Is you know whether a Place is Good or Bad. Of course most people think that they are Stuck with the particular Dream they are in... well, Yes, sometimes, but Often you are Free to Walk out the Door of a Dark Stinky Room and Fly Away... or it seems more like Levitate Away, and usually you Come Down into a Nice Beautiful and Well Lit Dream Scene. ANYWAY, the Way this Applies to Your Situation is that YOU Need to Take Charge of how Much Darkness you Let into your Life. Yes, for a very long time to come, you will still get Violent Thoughts... they were there SO LONG that it will take a Long Time to Wind them Down. But you can Help Significantly by not Contributing to them.

Oh... here is a Famous Old Anger Management Story.... A young Indian comes up to the Old Indian Chief and complains about being Angry, Hostile and Bitter all the Time. So the Old Chief tells the Young Man that 'inside everybody is Two Wolves. One is Ravenous, Sneaky, Backbiting and Cruel, but the other Wolf just wants to be a Good Member of the Pack, to Run Free, and Play in the First Snow Every Year. and Each Person has to Choice between the Two Wolves. ' "Well", asked the Young Man, "How do we Make that Choice". The Old Chief's answer is "If you Only Feed the One you Want, the other will Starve". Yeah, silly stupid story, but People remember it. You have to Keep an Eye on what you Feed your Mind. Stay in the Light!

Oh, Do you get along with Animals? Dogs are High Maintenance, but Cats mostly take care of themselves. They make Fine Companions in every sense of the word, that is, they show Affection, but they are not Overly Needy and will leave you along most of the time. What they like, and you will enjoy it too, are several brief and rather Ritualistic 'Quality Times' a Day (typically the Owner will set up a Special Time and Location for Brushing, or Playing, or just petting them and scratching behind their ears, and that would be Your Quality Time, but then the Cat usually Creates a Time and Location where it Comes to You and provides You with a Quality Time, that is, they will jump up on your lap and snuggle and act affectionate for about 5 minutes, and then they will move on to the Next Thing on their Busy Schedule). Anyway, they say Pets are a Great De-Stressors. Also I have found my 4 Cats to be Great Practice in avoiding Anger... even the smallest symptoms of Anger. You See, cats can be naughty... especially the young ones... and so you have Opportunities to Just Let Things Go.... Clean Up the spilled Coffee without cussing about it... that type of thing.

the Risk of getting a Pet is that you might flip out and be Violent with the Pet. Mostly that doesn't happen. Just as Socialized Cats and Dogs have an Instinctive Inhibition toward ever Fighting or Biting a Human Being, especially their Owners, well, that Same Evolutionary Trick worked on Humans too... People Automatically Treat their Pets better than they would treat 'Animals' in general. But, even then, it would be Something you would have to be Very Careful About -- that the Reason you got the Pet was in order to Practice NOT BEING Violent to it. a pet would be kind of like a Permanent Roommate that you are Simply Not Allowed to Kill. and if you didn't kill it, it would give you confidence to Face People without the Fear that you would Flip out and Slaughter them.

Oh! Here is My Most Important Advice.... You are No Longer Allowed to Cuss or Swear. In fact, you are now advised to prevent yourself from even THINKING in terms of a Bad Word. I firmly believe that Cussing is the Gate Way to all sorts of Anger and Negativity. And I got pretty good at Not Cussing and not even thinking in terms of Cuss Words. But my hips are shot and any Operation is months away, and so often I get a Shooting Pain, and I find myself reaching for the OH ____! word... but I manage to clamp down before I say it. but it just goes to show you... with all of this Anger Management Stuff, you have to Stay in Practice! You need Daily Reminders that you are Inherently an Angry Person and the Only Way to Prevent ACTING like that Angry Person is to Remember all the Steps it takes to prevent being Angry. If you can Remember from day to day... by reading a chapter or a half of any Anger Management Book, or whatever else, then you can more Safely go through your Ordinary Days being just cautious enough to Monitor your Thoughts and Check your Behaviors.

Anyway, let me think if there is anything more I can tell you... but, otherwise, let me know what you think, and keep 'reporting back' on your Progress, or Lack Of... it is rare that I can't think of Anything....

Stay in touch![/quote]


Well I always loved watching more violent films like Scarface or Kill Bill over comedies. And sometimes is nice imagining I'm Tony Montana and just blow everyone the **** away. But I have been watching more comedies to put me me in a better mood.

I've always felt as if there was two sides to me when presented with a situation, the one thats want to be the better man and the one that wants to go apeshit. Its going to be challenging but I'm going to try to stop cursing, especially less since more people are realizing my anger management issues.

About the animal thing, I have a old german shephard that keeps me company. Every time I get real pissed off and just start flipping my sh**, she would always rub up against me and begs me to take her out. I know its getting bad when my a dog needs me to calm down.

Thank you for the advice!

Leo Volont wrote:Dear Collard,

Yes, you are not the only one whose mind gets stuck in a rut of Useless and Irrelevant Thinking, though the Violence and Cruelty that characterize some of the Thoughts that trouble you would seem to be Out of the Ordinary in a very disturbing way. Hmmmm… it makes me wonder whether you have a History of Playing those Computerized Video Games… you know, the Violent Ones where you Score Points by piling up murder after murder. I don’t think that Anybody can spend hour after hour Slaughtering Make Believe Game Characters without it Warping Over into One’s Real Life. It is similar to people who spend too much time with really kinky pornography… it begins to effect the way they Feel and Think about the Actual People in their Lives… and NOT in a healthy way.

But, for the Present, let’s just deal with your problem with your Runaway Internal Dialogue – thinking thinking thinking about stuff that just seems to be a distraction and a nuisance to you . It often happens to me, especially if I try to take quick little catnaps to refresh myself after Studying Math. I have trouble dropping off to sleep because my Mind will be pursuing some Irrelevant Line of Thought. I have learned to impede and stop that kind of Thinking by counting slowly up to One Hundred, and then over and over again until I find myself waking up from the Nap (of course I don’t suppose I keep Counting while Asleep). BUT, the Technique DOES take a certain amount of Practice. Often I find myself being Distracted Off the Count by my Runaway Thoughts. Well, then one must simply start over again. Often it seems Impossible to Totally Dismiss the Runaway Thoughts, BUT, if one can Only Keep Up the Counting, then the Intensity of the Runaway Thoughts must necessary weaken and be more in the Background as the Counting seems to take Priority with the Mind.

I’ve been getting Better at it, and perhaps I can suppose that this Technique will eventually Help me, in a General Way, to Control My thoughts. With the Practice of Dismissing Unwanted Thoughts by Counting, it seems reasonable to suppose that it will someday get Easier to simply Dismiss Thoughts directly just by, well, dismissing them. But Everything Takes Practice, don’t you agree?

Well I always loved watching more violent films like Scarface or Kill Bill over comedies. And sometimes is nice imagining I'm Tony Montana and just blow everyone the **** away. But I have been watching more comedies to put me me in a better mood.

I've always felt as if there was two sides to me when presented with a situation, the one thats want to be the better man and the one that wants to go apeshit. Its going to be challenging but I'm going to try to stop cursing, especially less since more people are realizing my anger management issues.

About the animal thing, I have a old german shephard that keeps me company. Every time I get real pissed off and just start flipping my sh**, she would always rub up against me and begs me to take her out. I know its getting bad when my a dog needs me to calm down.

Thank you for the advice!

Thanks guys

Dear Collard,

YOU GOT A DOG! Your So Lucky! My hips are shot and until I get Hip Replacement Surgery it would be next to impossible for me to take a Dog out for a Walk... and they LOVE that, don't they!?

So, YES, it is very Encouraging that you never Mistreat your Wonderful Dog.

But, Yes, about Graphic Violence.... OF COURSE GUYS LOVE VIOLENT ACTION MOVIES... Guys ALSO like Pornography! But since Violence has become a Big Issue for you, you simply have to Cut Off ANYTHING that is Violent.

that reminds me.... I spent a few weeks re-reading all of Raymond Chandler's Books, you know, next to Dashell Hammit Chandler was one of the Father's of American Tough Guy Detective Fiction. His character 'Phillip Marlow' became the Archetype for every subsequent Tough Guy Wise-Cracking Cop Kind of Character. Well, even though Phillip Marlow is kind of Laid Back and Cool, still, those Books had their Dark Side. So NOW, guess what I am doing? --- I'm re-reading JANE AUSTEN! THAT will Turn My Head back to Mellow!... and it will probably have a favorable effect on my Sentence Structure and Grammar... Smart Books always do...

Also, you might not believe it, but after a while you Develop a Taste for all the NON-Real Guy stuff you begin to do... you begin to appreciate that Stuff as a Valid Art Forms. And At the Same Time, you become a Nicer Guy. You know, I didn't lose a Single Friend when I stopped swearing and watching every Action Movie that came out, BUT I have since then made many New Friends. Chicks even like me better... well except for the kind of 'Chicks' that only fall for Tough Guys that Smack them Around, and usually women like that Dress and Act the Part so you know to stay away from them (and they complain that they never meet 'Nice Guys'... it never occurs to them that the 'Nice Guys' saw them first, and crossed to the Other Side of the Street!)

But, yes, Sounds Good! Progress is Progress, and Progress Means HOPE. Keep reporting In. And Realize how Lucky you are to Have a Great Dog!

could these people represent other people who you do care for/are important in your life?

mickey0212 wrote:could these people represent other people who you do care for/are important in your life?

None of them are family or past romantic relationships. The people that I get these thoughts about are either someone I no longer give a sh** about or everything is good between us. If I have any moment of weakness or embarrassment and I don't react in anger, that's when the thoughts occur. This past year, there was a situation I had with someone that lead to its boiling point. We ended up working everything out and are now cool with each other and I apologized for the wrongs I did against them. But because this didn't end with me reacting in anger (just cursing or physically assaulting him), I get these intrusive thoughts wishing that I would have when I had the opportunity.

Dear Collard,

It seems to be Universal, that after any 'Scene' with another person, one is then bothered for the rest of the day with all of the "I-Should-Have-Saids". But the Wonderful Thing that everyone should be extremely Thankful For, is that We DIDN'T say such things. Burning, Incisive, Sharp and Pointed Remarks -- the kind of Lines that are very popular in the Movies and on TV, are the kind of Things that People will Remember, and not in a Good Way. A Clever Cut at somebody else's expense will Make you An Enemy for Life.

Assault would even be worse -- you risk making an enemy, and there is a chance you could get killed or maimed. And the, well, Assault isn't even very clever. The only time I would ever think of contemplating striking somebody is if he were a great deal Bigger than myself, and if there were a number of neutral bystanders close by. Hitting at a Bigger Guy would at least make me appear Courageous. and then usually Big Guys know how to Finish Fights Fast and with some degree of Mercy -- they are used to Winning Fights without working very hard at it. So they would knock you hard enough to send you reeling backward, and then use gestures to encourage the Bystanders to 'break it up'. But you can't always rely on Things going as planned and you could get seriously beaten up. I would especially be cautious about fighting anybody My Own Size or Smaller -- the Bystanders have less incentive to 'break it up' and the guy you hit may snap into Survival Mode and think that he has to Fight For His Life ... and so he may think that he really has to Kill You, and it is a possibility, isn't it?

SO! when you have these After-Thoughts about What you Should Have Said or Should Have Done, you Really Need to DISPUTE that Assumption, and Realize How Lucky You Are that you said as little as you did... and that you did as little as you did. When you are Angry, Less is Always Better and More is Always Worse.

Hi collard what i meant is that perhaps these people or situations that don't mean much to you now perhaps echo or conjure up more meaningful situations from the past.

For instance I had some issues with bullying at work which echoed with my family setup where I was the youngest and wasn't allowed to express myself without violent consequences.. Even though the work situations were fairly innocuous on paper they attained greater significance as they resonated and trip-wired earlier traumatic memories.

Same with dreams sometimes people's faces appear in dreams but in fact its more likely they were standing there as symbols of someone else and you were in fact dreaming of someone else..