collard98x wrote:Counting up a hundred when I get these thoughts has been something I've been trying for the last month and seems to becoming more effective. Also I do play violent video games and watch graphic films, but I had a violent temper before that. People I had problems with (99% of everyone I know) always assumed that I was an anit-social and shy person while in truth I'm afraid I just blow one day and try to cut their f***ing throats. The thoughts are getting less severe which is great.
Good! in fact, Great! Progress IS Progress.
But, YES, it should be obvious to you that You Are No Longer Allowed ANY Graphic Violence. No Violent Games, and NO Action Movies. You need to pretend you are a Chick for a while!... or Not Quite That Bad.... Sappy Romantic Movies might be too much for you... or too much for Anybody but the silly chicks they make those Movies for, BUT Everybody should like a Good Comedy... even Romantic Comedies are often pretty good... but check the Reviews First. But, AGAIN, Nothing With Any Blood, Knives or Bullets.
It reminds me of my Dreaming. Now, in the World of Dreaming, there are Well-Lit Places, and they are Clean and Orderly and the People are Nice, Clean and Civilized. Then there are the Dim and Dark Rooms that are often Dirty and the People are Brutal, Ugly and Negative. So, if you are at all aware and paying attention in your Dreams, just by Looking at how Bright the Ambient Lighting Is you know whether a Place is Good or Bad. Of course most people think that they are Stuck with the particular Dream they are in... well, Yes, sometimes, but Often you are Free to Walk out the Door of a Dark Stinky Room and Fly Away... or it seems more like Levitate Away, and usually you Come Down into a Nice Beautiful and Well Lit Dream Scene. ANYWAY, the Way this Applies to Your Situation is that YOU Need to Take Charge of how Much Darkness you Let into your Life. Yes, for a very long time to come, you will still get Violent Thoughts... they were there SO LONG that it will take a Long Time to Wind them Down. But you can Help Significantly by not Contributing to them.
Oh... here is a Famous Old Anger Management Story....
A young Indian comes up to the Old Indian Chief and complains about being Angry, Hostile and Bitter all the Time. So the Old Chief tells the Young Man that 'inside everybody is Two Wolves. One is Ravenous, Sneaky, Backbiting and Cruel, but the other Wolf just wants to be a Good Member of the Pack, to Run Free, and Play in the First Snow Every Year. and Each Person has to Choice between the Two Wolves. ' "Well", asked the Young Man, "How do we Make that Choice". The Old Chief's answer is "If you Only Feed the One you Want, the other will Starve". Yeah, silly stupid story, but People remember it. You have to Keep an Eye on what you Feed your Mind. Stay in the Light!
Oh, Do you get along with Animals? Dogs are High Maintenance, but Cats mostly take care of themselves. They make Fine Companions in every sense of the word, that is, they show Affection, but they are not Overly Needy and will leave you along most of the time. What they like, and you will enjoy it too, are several brief and rather Ritualistic 'Quality Times' a Day (typically the Owner will set up a Special Time and Location for Brushing, or Playing, or just petting them and scratching behind their ears, and that would be Your Quality Time, but then the Cat usually Creates a Time and Location where it Comes to You and provides You with a Quality Time, that is, they will jump up on your lap and snuggle and act affectionate for about 5 minutes, and then they will move on to the Next Thing on their Busy Schedule). Anyway, they say Pets are a Great De-Stressors. Also I have found my 4 Cats to be Great Practice in avoiding Anger... even the smallest symptoms of Anger. You See, cats can be naughty... especially the young ones... and so you have Opportunities to Just Let Things Go.... Clean Up the spilled Coffee without cussing about it... that type of thing.
the Risk of getting a Pet is that you might flip out and be Violent with the Pet. Mostly that doesn't happen. Just as Socialized Cats and Dogs have an Instinctive Inhibition toward ever Fighting or Biting a Human Being, especially their Owners, well, that Same Evolutionary Trick worked on Humans too... People Automatically Treat their Pets better than they would treat 'Animals' in general. But, even then, it would be Something you would have to be Very Careful About -- that the Reason you got the Pet was in order to Practice NOT BEING Violent to it. a pet would be kind of like a Permanent Roommate that you are Simply Not Allowed to Kill. and if you didn't kill it, it would give you confidence to Face People without the Fear that you would Flip out and Slaughter them.
Oh! Here is My Most Important Advice.... You are No Longer Allowed to Cuss or Swear. In fact, you are now advised to prevent yourself from even THINKING in terms of a Bad Word. I firmly believe that Cussing is the Gate Way to all sorts of Anger and Negativity. And I got pretty good at Not Cussing and not even thinking in terms of Cuss Words. But my hips are shot and any Operation is months away, and so often I get a Shooting Pain, and I find myself reaching for the OH ____! word... but I manage to clamp down before I say it. but it just goes to show you... with all of this Anger Management Stuff, you have to Stay in Practice! You need Daily Reminders that you are Inherently an Angry Person and the Only Way to Prevent ACTING like that Angry Person is to Remember all the Steps it takes to prevent being Angry. If you can Remember from day to day... by reading a chapter or a half of any Anger Management Book, or whatever else, then you can more Safely go through your Ordinary Days being just cautious enough to Monitor your Thoughts and Check your Behaviors.
Anyway, let me think if there is anything more I can tell you... but, otherwise, let me know what you think, and keep 'reporting back' on your Progress, or Lack Of... it is rare that I can't think of Anything....
Stay in touch!