Hello all,
So, probably need to be clear this is not my first post on here and in fact joined this forum November 2012 which is 4 years and 2 months ago. Oh great I am sure you are saying to yourself, so over 4 years clean then? No, 3 days.
I have quit weed so many times I genuinely cannot tell you how many, but this is my 5th that I have gone to the trouble of actually posting on this forum, which I found has helped me so much. Last quit I made it over 15 months, and then in one moment of bad judgement I started smoking hash and then got back to daily again. Below in the signature of my posts you can press the links to each, if you want any more information.
However, I came back here end of last year saying how unhappy I was with this decision and how I need to make this one final change. My use before quitting this time is by far the lowest it has ever been, smoking only after 8pm and on a good day I would only smoke one tiny bowl of 0.03g hash. What I found surprising was the negative effects of this were still really bad and made me kind of hate myself a little.
Things I hate about being a daily weed addict:
- Some days waiting till 8pm would be really hard, so I was in daily withdrawal which I reset each night. Weekends were a constant struggle and would be on my mind all day.
- Mood swings
- Way less sharp and animated in conversations with people
- Looking really ill/tired all the time
- Become lazy again
- Inability to handle stress
- Less social
- Strain on my relationship
- Lying to everyone around me as few people know about my addiction
I think the thing that finally made me realise I had no interest in this anymore what the feeling of being weak. I don’t mean as I am an addict I am weak, just it made me less sure of myself and started to take my confidence away. I had worked really hard to get the things and people around me I care about and I 100% feel that I will lose some/all of these things if I remain a stoner.
Over the weekend I gathered everything I had a disposed of it. It actually felt good making the change even though in terms of its value it was a hard decision to make. That said, I don’t regret it at all.
The last three days have not been too bad actually. I have loads more energy and find it way easier to wake up and get up. Sleep has not been easy but easier than previous quits. I got one good night and the next day felt I was in a great mood all day. Last night was not good and managed 5-5.5hours. My mood today has not been as great but still when I think back to previous quits this first week is way easier, which is 100% down to reducing my consumption considerably.
I really hope that the withdrawal stays like this / gets easier but I have a feeling that when PAWS kicks in, it will take a lot of energy to remain on this path and become harder. That said, I have made that choice and I need to remind myself how unhappy I was while smoking so going back will not help at all. Like Furtive said on his post, the more time you spend sober, the better it is for your mind. I would add that each quit gets easier as you know what to expect more and ways to deal with it (exercise and new hobbies).
Anyways, hope I stick around and great to see so many people on here. Also a massive thank you to everyone that replied in my thread last year (wakinglife, akash agarwal, slick_willy and netty28661), thought a lot about what you all said and really helped me get back to quitting.