gtsolid wrote:But what about the socialization part?
Your problem is less about socialization and more about social approval. The YouTube video isn't socialization.
The physiology is that your brain is being stimulated, releasing a small amount of adrenaline and dopamine when you set goals where you risk rejection in front of others, e.g. play guitar for others. Playing for mastery of the guitar doesn't give you this release. Neither does just socializing.
It's like breaking a habit of being addicted to sugar. It's not easy. It takes deliberate effort to no longer consume sugar and it takes time for your brain to rewire.
Here is an example...become a master gardener. You are planting, cultivating, and harvesting. You are tending to living things, it requires patience, and the reward is mostly intrinsic. You get to literally enjoy the fruits of your labor. You can be proud of what you have accomplished with no need for external approval. The connections in your brain will change.
Of course you can ruin the goal if you frame it as to get accolades from others. If you are only growing fruits/vegetables to then give them to others as to receive their approval then the motivation is once again about performance, about the external. The connections in your brain will remain the same.
If you want to address the problem you have already pointed to an unavoidable truth, that you must change. But you want change that comes with comfort, excitement, that replaces your social approval adrenaline with another motivator that provides an equivalent if not better shot of dopamine. You are like an addict that just wants to trade one drug for another. You don't want to face withdrawal symptoms.
Just think about it. I'm not saying give up all your social dopamine at once. I'm saying that you need to find balance. Stop with the 100% pursuit of social approval and start rewiring your brain to enjoy mastery of something.