3 months after last cannabis use

Hello all,

I found this forum today while searching for general help for PAWS especially. I've been a cannabis user on and off for about 14 years. Light use between 17-22. When I was around 23-years-old I started using more frequently. For the most part I was an active user between 2013 and summer of 2017. Sometimes very high amounts and almost daily for multiple years. During this time I was a healthy eater (no gluten, dairy, sugar for the most part. Not a huge drinker). Back in July of 2017 when I stopped cold turkey, the withdrawal as to be expected was quite bad. I think since enough time has passed since then, some of the specifics faded, but needless to say I was a physical and mental mess for a number of months and things slowly improved over time.

Between the end of 2017 and summer of 2020 I molded myself into a brand new person. I worked to shift my cannabis addiction into a healthier obsession for exercise. I wasn't addicted to exercise, but it was the main pillar of who I was between these years. I was in extremely good shape physically and of course that only contributed to a better state of mind. Despite going through a number of hardships during this time, I remained strong and never ingested the slightest bit of weed.

Fast forward to covid/quarantine. A few months a pass and the summer is underway. A conversation with a friend and a moment of weakness lead me to taking my first hit in nearly three years. Despite the dispensary grade, the hit completely knocked me off my feet. The burning heat in my lungs and watering eyes made me almost want to throw up. After it subsided, I was sucked back in just like that. I was high again. Ahh, how good it felt. And don't get me wrong, I felt guilt the same exact night. One hit turned into daily use, upwards of 10-15 vape hits per evening with high potency edibles mixed in. The thing about cannabis is that when I use it, I function quite well socially and physically. Despite my workout routine, sleep pattern and eating habits becoming worse, I managed to wake up with enough zest. But over time I knew it was dampening my spirit. This past December I just wasn't feeling right. A number of times I took a hit and my chest was just bugging me. I felt like I had gotten hit by a truck and thought I had covid. So I made the decision to stop cold turkey again and face the music.

The first 5-7 days, total hell. All of the things one would expect to happen certainly did. Insomnia, night sweats, loss of appetite, disassociation from reality, extreme anxiety, multiple panic attacks, total fatigue and lethargy, stomach and chest pain, constant hacking of mucous, etc. I was a wreck. I hated myself for ever having taken that one hit back in June. After the first week every week was up and down for a couple more. Right when I felt maybe I was feeling a little clearer or getting on a better routine, the panic would return. My stomach would churn and burn or I would just feel run down.

About 30 days in I ironically had to get drug tested for a new job and at that time I was feeling alright. Certainly not good or great but I had resumed more of my exercise routine. I passed the drug test, started my new remote job in Feb and things were looking up a bit. I shored up my diet even more and started pushing myself to sleep much earlier, between 10-11 instead of 12-2am.

There has always been this pain in my chest that has bothered me. At first I thought my lungs, but I was breathing alright. Then I figured my digestion and stomach. That brings me more up to this last month or so. Over this time it has become increasingly depressing to find that I am dealing with quite severe stomach and digestive issues again. I have been plagued with issues for nearly a decade and I found that I have GERD, especially. The nagging, gnawing, burning pain that irritates my chest, esophagus and sinuses has become so debilitating. To the point where I have to be so careful eating, careful moving and exercising (even abdominal crunches seem to set it off). I have done a lot of research on the lower esophageal sphincter, stomach motility, cb1 and cb2 receptors in our GI system and how cannabis affects it.

To be honest, I remember telling my friend I felt it took my 6 months to even feel "better" when I quit smoking in the middle of 2017. I didn't have the same severity of gut problems, but I'm also turning 32 soon instead of 28. I consistently have dealt with globus sensation in my throat over the last couple of months. I get annoying chest pains which I find to be reflux.

I recently was tested for h pylori to rule out stomach ulcers, which came back as negative. My free t3 is low, which also signals GI imabalance. Most of my other blood markers such as d3 look OK. Over a longer period of time last year I was also accidentally consuming smaller amounts of gluten quite frequently eating a product I thought was safe. This raised my secreatory iGA levels through the roof, signaling insane amounts of mucous production in my gut. Anyone who has or knows a bit about leaky gut knows how it affects the entire system. My joints ache, mainly my left knee. I have lower back pain to complement the gut pain. I have had to remove grains entirely at this point and focus as hard as I can on consuming foods nurturing to my entire GI system.

I have noticed an improvement with less sinus pressure/throbbing and a few other good things, but for the most part, 3+ months post cannabis use, my body is still a complete fraction of what it was. I am having trouble doing heavy lifts or even short periods of cardio without being out of breath. I still feel a significant amount of brain fog, depression, anxiety and rapid mood swings. I have such anhedonia that I don't really feel that alive or excited about what is going on, even if it's something I generally really like.

I hope that moths 4, 5 and 6 treat me better. I hope my cb1 receptors in my gut start waking up and functioning properly and my stomach starts to produce acid properly so I can fix my gut to then heal my cloudy mind. The body is incredible, but sometimes patience feels like one year instead of 6 months. When we are constantly worrying and stressing about our health, not only does time seem to go by more gradually, but we perpetuate and intensify the issues we are dealing with.

Sometimes it's hard waking up to the reality of who you truly are after cannabis numbs you for so long. Even heavy usage daily for less than a year can put you in a pretty deep and dark state. The important thing is to forgive yourself. To realize that there is nothing you can do now to change the past and you have to move forward to keep making the right choices and changes to heal. I want to be really fit again. I want to progress my life and find happiness through living in those moments of excitement and inevitable change. I want you to know if you are going through the same thing and resonate with what I shared, that you and I will do it together and keep getting better. It may be scary and uncertain at times, but hopefully sooner than later we will all be able to look back and remember the days we were feeling desperate, posting on a forum anonymously sharing all of our struggles.

For anyone who has recently gotten past that hard point and feel they have climbed out of that deep, dark hole, I'd love to hear from you. Any words of encouragement or even echoing my words and empathizing. It's hard to express to people who care about you how you feel when they don't understand or if you don't even want to go into any detail. I know this is quite long-winded but there's a lot to get out and share in hopes more resonate with how I am feeling. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read and best wishes to you in your journey to recovery.