Before starting off, i would like to say i'm not making this thread to argue wither or not non-black women are racist because i've already had this debate countless times with other people and i've gotten tired of arguing about it. So here is the situation...
I have a problem that might cause me to kill myself within the next 2month and possibly others might get hurt...
I am a 23yo black male with social phobia. I have an incredibly high-intamcy drive and desires that make me literally obsess over attractive girls that i see in public daily. Over the last year I developed a severe anger problem towards fair skin women (white,hispanic,asian etc). When i see them in public i have internal-anger outbursts because i believe they are racist due to social conditioning from white society therefore they wouldn't want to date me because I am a black male. I didn't used to have these beliefs.
These beliefs came from ONLINE and OFFLINE places where i observed these women display their socially condioned racial preference of dating white guys significantly more than black males. Another place where i learned non-black girls don't like black guys is from statistical studies conducted by popular dating sites and offline speed dating.
I won't list all these things that made me come to these conclusions because it will make a lengthy post that strays off topic. But here is a few - I saw a statiscial study conducted by dating sites which showed black guys get least response from non-black women while white guys recieved the highest from women of all races execpt black women. Another is in public i see Asian women always with white guys but rarely ever with black or latino guys.
I get so angry every minute of the day that i start having suicidal and violent thoughts. When it's gets over the top and i had enough i would shout at girls and call them "racist B*tches!" or sometimes flicking off a random girl (these girls would be strangers in public i never seen before). But the worst is when when the anger episodes become too painful to bear and i become hopeless, suicide then becomes the only way out. I've been enduring this breakdowns for such a long time now and i made plans put this deal to rest within the next 2 month. I've been putting of few expenses in order to save money for a weapon to kill myself if i have to.
I feel like if i am able to control my anger or accept these women's racial preference i would be able to cope better. The hard thing, is that i've been trying so much but not getting far because it's difficult to do this by myself. This is why i'm looking to see if someone would be able to chat with me regularly for guidance on dealing with this. I feel like i have a very few short time to live.
I am not here to debate wither these women are racist or not. I've already had this debate countless times with countless people and getting tired of arguing about this. I am just here to try to find a personal mentor or someone who would like to speak privately with me about this issue to resolve it. I feel like i will have to either have to accept this thing or bad things will happen to me.