I've noticed lately that I've become more and more stressed from work to the point where my stomach hurts. I don't vent my anger out often or at all even. I used to hit my walls and kick my doors years ago to relieve stress. If you have a weak stomach or will get angry over animal abuse please don't respond. I am seeking positive help to adjust my behavior.
I have 3 pet Syrain hamsters. For those who don't know, these little guys are very territorial so they have to be in different cages. I have 2 females and 1 male. I am not fond of the male at all. I play with both females and just keep the male in his cage. I've had hamsters now for about 9 months straight. I had one when I was little too. I've grown up with cats, dogs, birds, fish, snakes, mice, chickens, rabbits, rats, and hamsters.
I enjoy petting or rather ruffling up my cats and hamsters fur and they're pretty cool with it. Recently I've been getting annoyed with the male hamster so much that I've lashed out at him. I blow air at him, I flick him away from the bars he chews on, and just a while ago I grabbed a pen and jabbed at him. While doing this stuff I have full control over it, like I know I'm doing such terrible things and the more I do it the angrier I get. I don't understand why I feel the need to lash out at this little guy but I know why he behaves: he just wants to come out of his cage too like the girls and be loved. The females get all my kind actions.
Is this happening because I hate the poor guy? Is my work making me too stressed out? Is full time school and 30 hours a week at work too much? Is it because I don't have any days off? I'm busy every single day. Am I too worried about the future? Am I stressing over the fact I need money badly or something? I just feel like I hate myself so much. I need help but I don't know where to start and I don't have money for it.