Morning did not go well.

Hello Everyone

I have been living an isolated lifestyle for the last 23 years. It is shameful to admit. But, for the last several mornings, I have planned to get up in the morning, and attend a live support group. The night before, I get my clothes ready. I go to bed early. Even after a good night's sleep, the buzz of the alarm causes a panic attack. I get up. Shut off the alarm. Then get back into bed.

Mornings are hard for me. When I was a child, my mother used the mornings to at rage at my younger bother and I. The oldest and youngest sibling were safe. The bother under me (lost child) did not seem to understand that our mother hated us. He would grab his clothes and walk pass her waiting fist. If she did not hit him, she would berate him. It was dealer's choice. I never understood, why he did not understand that she was not safe.

Those mornings happened forty years ago. From time to time, the flashbacks of those mornings come back, and I can't get up. I am an empath. I always knew to stay clear of her, and could avoid crossing her path. The problem is, I avoid everyone. My situation passed pathological years ago.

I signed on to ask if anyone else had experiences like this? If so, how do you cope?