slowly crashing

How many people have a happy, full life without children?

Throughout history and even today, soldiers, sailors, monks, and many others do not have family. It's okay. A person can be happy and find purpose in life beyond the goal of having a child.

And you are only 31. You can easily have a child at age 50.

To have a child for your father is not a good reason. You are mentally not ready for a child. You are putting too much pressure on yourself for an artificial goal you currently think is important.

If your father was not here, would you still want a child?

Sejan wrote: for 11 years ive been single,

Does this mean you had a girlfriend when you were 20?

and everyone at work is taking me for an alien because im still single and never had kids.

At 31 I was single myself, and enjoying life to the full. Now at more than twice that age I don't regret not having children. With the present global movement to reduce the human population drastically, what kind of life do you think they would have??

I doubt very much that your workmates see you as an alien; more likely it's the way you see yourself. It's never too late to start a relationship, and for men it's never too late to make babies, but you need a much better outlook on Life and yourself.

i needed to see if i am the most retarded idiot existing or if someone understand my point of view.

Have a look at the many pontifications of member desperate788—
memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=31376 —where you'll see your point of view expressed thousands of times. But don't get stuck there. Take it as a warning!

Candid wrote:With the present global movement to reduce the human population drastically, what kind of life do you think they would have??

Candid, I love you for saying this. I feel the same way.

@Sejan when you say "i needed to see if i am the most retarded idiot existing or if someone understand my point of view," I get it. The problem is that your life is very monotonous. There is just not much happening in it. Sure, family and children would help, but life is way more complex and multi-faced, meaning that even with family and kids you can feel the same way. Unfortunately, if you don't take care of all different aspects of life, it will feel like life is "slowly crushing" you, no matter who you are. For example, I always say that I personally consider myself to have a good and balanced life. However, if I don't go out, meet friends, or do otherwise activities I to get depressed. I guess it's human nature.

Now I want to make a global summary of your life:
1) Work - monotone, depressing, and uninteresting (in the sense that you don't have much growth in it and you probably know it inside out)
2) Your social life includes your includes you father and coworkers
3) You work out, which is great! Keep at it.

However, you need more! What about doing something fun, what about friendships, what about a higher life purpose? I recommend you reading a book called Optimal Happiness, as there you will find the secret for a balanced life and way how to become happier. Cheers!

“I am surrounded by death and sadness every minutes of my day.”

This believe is in rather extreme discord with the actuality of your direct experience. Notice the distinction between seeing movement, motion, and claiming there is an actuality of ‘death’. You do directly experience motion, but you have not, and will not ever, directly experience death. You are experiencing the thought, “death”. Because there is no actuality of this, and because the love that you are is what “death” really is ... each time this belief, this mistaking your thought of “death” for something you’ve actually experienced or could experience occurs, love is ‘saying’... “no, that thought isn’t true”. You can be ‘right’ in your belief, and continuing believing in ‘death’, or you can listen to and abide in what feeling is ‘saying’, and be wrong, but blissfully happy about being wrong, about “death”.


“I have absolutely nothing...”

Likewise, “absolutely nothing”, thus for for you, is only a thought. To bring clarity to this, attempt to physically point to what your thought is about. What is realized of course, is that you cannot. There is an actuality of absolutely nothing, and it is infinite formless being, or, eternal unconditional love, or, the true nature]. Again, when you hold the belief “absolutely nothing”, what you are experiencing is the ‘voice’ of love, which is absolute nothingness, ‘saying’ “but I’m right here!”. This is why it feels, “off”. Consider the difference between believing the taste of a candy bar for example, and compadre that with the actual taste of a candy bar. There is a notable difference between the belief and the actuality.

“I always had difficltuies to be accepted. I was extremely fat when i was young, always bullied. I worked out, i am a bodybuilder, and i taught it would help me. NO. i am still alone, and i hate more and more this life. “

You never had difficulties being accepted. You are yourself, already. What feels off, is the thoughts about yourself. But you can not ever think yourself, because that would just be another thought, that you, awareness, are clearly aware of. Notice ‘you’ are aware of thoughts, then attempt to think, awareness. Notice this goes only ‘one way’. Relinquish beliefs about yourself, the habit of self referential thinking will subside, and liberation will ensue.


“My father's dream was to have a family. Unfortunatly i must be ugly, too stupid or something to be able to bring him that last thing before he passes out. and it kills me inside.”

Those thoughts don’t feel good, because they seem to be about you, but are not. They are just the thoughts. Those thoughts do not resonate with what is actual. Inspect beliefs which do not resonate. It is most helpful to write them down. Then write the opposite next to it. Then notice the opposite resonates very much, because it is aligned with truth, or, your true nature.

“Honestly i cant picture myself after he will leave me. I am losing my grip slowly, but eventually i can feel that i dont appreciate things that i used to love anymore. the only thing that keeps me sane is my workout.”

The workout will be utilized as a coping mechanism for the beliefs, until the beliefs are inspected and dispelled.

“I dont understand how people can have a family. i dont understand anything anymore in fact. even at work, i just say yes to everything, i dont even bother to explain something when needed.”

Transition from thinking about yourself, to expressing yourself. When you express yourself, quite literally, it is your true self, love, which is expressed, and begins to fill your life. Again, one must be very careful to note the distinction between thinking about this, and the direct experience, or actuality of doing this.

“for 11 years ive been single, and everyone at work is taking me for an alien because im still single and never had kids. I would like to have a family, someone worthy, who wants a real commitment, a real relationship based on true emotions and feelings. I dont even think its still possible in all honesty. “

Start thinking it is possible. Start thinking and telling the story that you actually want. Your experience is becoming the story you are telling in any and all case. Tell the story of what you want, not what you believe.

“Thank you for reading this, i needed to see if i am the most retarded idiot existing or if someone understand my point of view. “

Someone else understanding you or not understanding does not create change. Changing your story, your inner monologue, what you say, believe, and do, creates change.

Be sure to note the distinction, that if any of what’s said here is internalized in a manor which does not resonate and feel good... that is still focusing on what you do not want, on what does not resonate.

Notice when you are thinking about yourself. Notice, since you are you, that can not actually be yourself, which you are thinking about. Reorientate from “thinking about yourself”, to more acutely understanding the emotion you are actually experience. This will change your life.

I experienced much of what you are describing as well, and created a youtube channel and website, with the best information and tools I could find. All free of charge, without marketing or an offer of a subscription etc. Only to help. If you are interested in taking a look, you can visit the website and or Youtube channel entitled, Actuality Of Being.

Wishing you well being, and the infinite unconditional love that is.

ActualityOfBeing wrote:“I am surrounded by death and sadness every minutes of my day.”

This believe is in rather extreme discord with the actuality of your direct experience.

No. There is no discord. The OP's direct experience is being "surrounded by death and sadness" on a daily basis. This is not the same as experiencing death itself.

You may choose philosophically, spiritually, or semantically not to believe in death. As many people do, you are free to choose to manipulate language to fit your perspective. In this way you can live in your own world where being surrounded by death and sadness is not possible. That's fine. More power to you.

Still, your personal beliefs are in extreme discord with the direct experience of those that are literally surrounded by the physical realities of death and sadness. When you see a dead, mangled, lifeless corpse, that was moments ago a vibrant person and a short time later you hear the anguished, inconsolable wailing of a parent just being informed they have lost a son or daughter, your armchair philosophy is no consolation.

Certainly denial that the process of dying is a reality is one way some people try to lessen the pain. But in my opinion, it is a naive perspective.

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
No. There is no discord. The OP's direct experience is being "surrounded by death and sadness" on a daily basis. This is not the same as experiencing death itself.

Appreciate the reply & convo, thanks.

If you’re ‘surrounded by death and sadness’, you can verify this is not direct experience by attempting to point to that which is said to be surrounding you. When it is realized you can not actually do so, this will naturally draw attention back to the belief in death, and the emotion of sadness. The suffering (and therefore liberation) is in the details, specifically in regard to belief & what is actually experienced. The variance therein is the literal discord.

[/quote] You may choose philosophically, spiritually, or semantically not to believe in death. As many people do, you are free to choose to manipulate language to fit your perspective. In this way you can live in your own world where being surrounded by death and sadness is not possible. That's fine. More power to you. [/quote]

You’re not quite grasping the key distinction here between a belief and truth, in that only one of them is true. It is quite understandable that further beliefs & accusations of language manipulation would be employed, but it is not relevant. What might appear to one to be philosophical, spiritual or semantic, for Sejan seems to be a rather deep and life long suffering of discord with truth, to the extent the life of a 31 year old who desires to have a relationship and family is a bit, stuck in the internalization & identification via, the fundamental belief, or, misunderstanding.

As to my own world, this is also a fundamental belief, misunderstanding, and misidentification. This coincides with the belief in death, as it is only possible to perpetuate the conditioning of that belief, being identifying with thought, and the illusion of separate selves. The effect of these beliefs for Sejan is the discord of the beliefs, and of feeling. The belief is that there are separate selves, which live and die, and thus Sejan believes Sejan is a separate physical object which lives and dies. Feeling, which the belief is in discord with, is the true nature, formless & eternal. The believing of thought, the labeling of thought upon perception, are very much in discord with feeling, and again what’s relevant is not really your opinion of what I wrote, but addressing Sejan’s suffering, which I invite you to do instead, yet as you said, we’re free.

Sejan is yet aware just how free Sejan is, because of the belief in death, and thus being separate... all the while feeling the discord of these beliefs, with his true eternal nature. This is not a matter of semantics, but of nuance & understanding.

[/quote] Still, your personal beliefs are in extreme discord with the direct experience of those that are literally surrounded by the physical realities of death and sadness. When you see a dead, mangled, lifeless corpse, that was moments ago a vibrant person and a short time later you hear the anguished, inconsolable wailing of a parent just being informed they have lost a son or daughter, your armchair philosophy is no consolation.

Certainly denial that the process of dying is a reality is one way some people try to lessen the pain. But in my opinion, it is a naive perspective.[/quote]


It is key to understand & appreciate that not believing in something is not a belief. If you believe you have a unicorn, or are a unicorn, and I don’t believe in unicorns... I do not have a “no unicorns” belief... you are holding a belief & perhaps identity in unicorns. Death is no different. It’s not exceptional, it’s parallel so to speak, with any other thought or belief. When Sejan holds it to be otherwise, this contributes to the discord with the true nature, or, suffering.

I appreciate the opportunity to reply to your accusations and attack on my character, though I feel this is unnecessary & unrelated to the thread poster and topic, and my apologies to you Sejan.

The key is to respect yourself to the extent you are then able to respect others, and thus not project onto them. You have assumed that I’ve not directly experienced these things you’ve mentioned. I have not only experienced being with multiple people upon and through their so called death, but have lost a son at an extremely young age, and am the very parent you speak so seemingly careless of, and to. But sincerely, I do appreciate the conversation.

ActualityOfBeing wrote:If you’re ‘surrounded by death and sadness’, you can verify this is not direct experience by attempting to point to that which is said to be surrounding you.

Or a person can easily verify that it is direct experience. Death accommodates us with the smells, the sounds, and the sight. It accommodates us with the pain of loss.

When it is realized you can not actually do so,

Nope. It is easy to do. You've already done it, but you simply struggle to acknowledge it. You play semantics with a "so called" death. Your son at a young age died. Others in your life have died. These individuals didn't run away, they were not kidnapped, banished, or temporarily sequestered. Their voices are forever silenced on this earth, in the form that you knew them. This is death, not "so called" death.

"So called" Sejan doesn't use a "so called" backhoe to dig a "so called" grave for the "so called" dead. We leave off the "so called" because we have direct experience with these things, as Sejan stated he is surrounded by death.

In my opinion, to fail to acknowledge death is a form of insult to those that have died, to the time they spent on this earth. It also takes away from the value of this life. And acknowledging death does not restrict a belief in the soul or afterlife. It simply acknowledges the dichotomy, the separation between life and death and the significance of what that means.

The "so called" argument is not new. It is a tired argument that is philosophically shallow. If death is "so called" then life is "so called". And if that is the case then your character is equally "so called".

Smell, sound and sight are perception, not death. Death is the thought added, the assumption. Pain is sensation, the thought added is “death”. Individuals is a thought, there is no such thing as separation. The more you inspect, the more you realize truth, the less it is possible to create discord.

What Sejan wants is to feel amazing everyday, and to start a family. All that’s in the way are the beliefs.

Not believing what you believe is not a failure to acknowledge your beliefs. I acknowledge you believe in death, separation, souls, afterlife, etc.

Yes! The life, the character, thought, perception, sensation, universe, all “so called”, all vibrational appearance of Truth... which again, is what Sejan’s (and your) beliefs are in discord with.

ActualityOfBeing wrote:Not believing what you believe is not a failure to acknowledge your beliefs. I acknowledge you believe in death, separation, souls, afterlife, etc.

I never stated that I believe in souls or an afterlife. I only mentioned them conceptually.

It is a discussion of ontology. You believe nothing is real. Everything in your universe is "so called". Fair enough. I can acknowledge your beliefs.

At the same time, acknowledging that you believe in unicorns doesn't make the unicorn any more real. Your ontological views are in extreme discord with reality, in so far that you believe a person getting run over by a train is only "so called" dead. It is, in my opinion, a dysfunctional ontological view.

By all means, take a knife and cut off your "so called" fingers. Then have fun telling yourself it is only your perception that your fingers are no longer attached to your body. See how that works out for you.

Ontological extremists, on both ends of the spectrum, I have found to be rather dogmatic. Both extremes bring little to the table.

This thread unfortunately could be said to be indeed, slowly crashing.

Yet the universe is always displaying the insight desired, all that is called for is letting go of the concepts & beliefs and shifting to what is actual of direct experience.

In large part, you’ve ‘met Sejan where he’s at’ and this could be very clarifying & helpful for him to see, from a third person view, if you will.

In the same manor that Sejan’s belief’s in regard to death & identity, which are the discord felt, are projected & there appears to be limitation of having & experiencing relationship, creating a family, etc...

...you are repeatedly projecting onto a me, a conceptualization of a me, such as with “you believe that nothing is real”. Your direct experience, is of your belief, that there is a me, which holds beliefs. Again, it can initially be difficult to ‘spot’, but when someone doesn’t believe what you believe, this does not equal that someone believing-not, nor does this equal someone believing something else. It is as it is in your direct experience, a secondary belief about me or a me, which arises as projection, or, as an outward accusatory orientation... rather than inward, illuminating your primary belief.

Similarly, the term “so called” points to the common labeling, or ‘calling’ of separate things, of which there is no actuality whatsoever of, separate things. Separate things is precisely as it appears in your direct experience, a thought.

I feel where you are primarily stuck so to speak, is in a certain arrogance of believing you can think perception. Inspection of direct experience will reveal this is not true, but again, the intention, or, orientation must shift from making this about me, or a me, and ‘spotting’ your own discord, so to speak. Perhaps most simply said, inspection of what is true, or, truth, rather than projection of beliefs and an ignore-ance of what is actual.

Upon inspection, it would be clearly realized that ‘person’, is a thought. While this thought might be a belief for you, no one else is experiencing your belief. Your beliefs are private, in this sense. Wether you inspect via spirituality, science, self inquiry, or even questioning the validity of each thought, you arrive at that you were previously projecting separate where there in truth, never was.

Sejan is doing this in similar fashion, projecting the belief of death, and the separations, separate selves, and of loss... this primary belief implies...onto his life, believing limitations therein, limiting his vision, passion, choices, and what’s breadth and scope of possible for him.

We’re Sejan to inspect direct experience, and begin to align thought with feeling, Sejan would sound experience that in alignment with truth, rather than discord, indeed Sejan will say to the mountains, ‘move mountains’, and indeed, mountains will move.

“Take a knife & cut off your fingers, then have fun telling yourself it is only your perception that your fingers are no longer attached to your body...see how that works out for you.”

Just as the ‘you’ of thoughts, or, the so called you, is a thought... there is not a you, which has, intelligence. However, in the arrogance of believing this is true nonetheless, direct experience is going un-inspected. Though it seems there would be a loss where these beliefs inspected, what is found in actuality is that loss, was a belief.

Intelligence would no sooner ‘cut it’s own fingers off’, than it would instigate a debate with a contributor, when help and clarity is respectfully sought by the original poster. Perhaps the difference, is that intelligence is not claiming “it’s intelligence”, and thus believing “it is separate”, and thus “will one day die”. Going deeper into abstraction with such finger cutting examples is not toward, so to speak, intelligence, nor is it useful or helpful to Sejan.

Sejan’s “cutting off the fingers”, Sejan’s pain... is in actuality suffering, and again, is the discord with truth... is the reoccurring belief. Because the belief is so intimately interwoven into the believed identity, every time this belief arises, and is perpetually believed, the discord is recreated again & again. To inspect actuality, direct experience, is to see through this belief loop, which is to say, to inspect “who” Sejan really is.

When one is not ready to inspect, and not ready to express and release, and realize what is actual, one attempts to pigeonhole others as “extremist”, and or “dogmatic”.

It is plain to see that no extremism nor dogma is being suggested here. To believe “I am a separate self” is already the extreme discord with what is true and actual. For you so join Sejan in this is what dogma is. The opposite route, that of one inspecting one’s own direct experience, is the relief, and the liberation of the suffering, which then is the igniting, or, a natural uncovering of intrinsic interest, curiosity, enthusiasm, inevitably being passion, high energy, and a strong sense of purpose and unity, or, wholeness within.

One must however, in both of your points of view, or if you will, lives, short away from thought, from ontology, accusations, character attacks, projection of beliefs, etc... and to the inspection of what is actual for one’s self, if you will.

It is really just the beliefs, that are crashing.

ActualityOfBeing wrote:...you are repeatedly projecting onto a me, a conceptualization of a me, such as with “you believe that nothing is real”.

I feel where you are primarily stuck so to speak, is in a certain arrogance of believing you .

Ugh, the "projection game". The pseudo intellectual equivalent of "I'm rubber your glue."

We can play the never ending projection game if you wish. You can make whatever claims about my "projections" onto you and your "character" and in return I can point out where you project your own arrogance and "stuckness" onto me.

Yawn. What a boring game.

When I have used the term "you" I am addressing your less than unique and very much unoriginal ontological beliefs that are held by more than just you. It is "you" in the plural sense, that there exists some multiple of "you" that hold the ontological belief that death is not real or that death is "so called". Your position is not unique to "you" the individual.

I'm not attacking your individual character or your beliefs as an individual. We are, to my understanding, discussing the extent to which one believes in death, which is a widespread belief held by more than you and me. It is a plural and very generic "you".

I find the ontological belief, that death is "so called" a sophomoric belief that is disconnected from reality. This belief might perform a function of protecting some people from mentally accepting the finality of death. I get that. It is a way to rationalize away the pain.

Still, being that the belief is disconnected from reality, past telling toddlers that their pet fish just went to sleep, I don't find the belief very productive or healthy for the individual or the community.

Things die. Whether it is the organism as a whole or simply a part of the organism. When a person suffers frost bite and loses some fingers/toes, it is because the tissue died. There is decay, there is death. The fingers are not "so called" and they did not just simply go to sleep and are now up in "finger heaven". The fingers have ceased to exist as a living part of this earth.

There are no claims made, simply pointing to what is plain to see that you have said here on this thread.

I am not projecting any stuckness onto you, I am pointing your stuckness out to you. There is a difference, but of course, that’s up to you to see and inspect, if & when you do, I assure you will not find boredom.

You’re still projecting your beliefs onto me, in a sense ‘he must have the counter belief’, but you are presently unaware of this. Reading the thread from the beginning would only takes minutes of your time, and again, is readily available to be seen. As they say, ‘the devil is in the details’.

Notice, in direct experience, there is no actuality of a widespread belief. There is the expression of your belief, which is believed only by you. That there are others with your beliefs is a fair assumption, but it is an assumption which requires departing from the actuality of your own direct experience. To begin to see with this acuity is to begin to see through the belief in death & separate individuals. Again, this is also available to you via science, as this information as a pointing has been available for over a hundred years.

“So called” death is not a belief. Again, slow down, contemplate what it is you’re talking about, you’ll realize you are referencing something which you have no experience whatsoever of.

‘People’ is a thought, a word you learned, a label, and this thought does not label or define perception (seeing/seen) in any way. It of course seems to, it is common apparently, but it is a belief. Again, this, in your case, requires slowing the activity of the mind, allowing the reactions and projections to pass, and then seeing what’s actually being said here.

Note, for yourself and your own discord, there was no comment to you, no catalyst. You ‘chimed in’, from the catalyst of the discord within. Not from anything anyone else said. Again, it seems so, and is common, yet is not actual or true.

The key to spotting the projection of beliefs in the manor that you are, is inspecting what it is you believe you are, which dies. Again, special care must be given to thought, thought attachment, and thought labeling perception.

I am not suggesting any beliefs or disconnection from reality, but in fact the opposite is being suggested to you, over & over, that of inspecting direct experience, and what these ‘things’ you’re talking about, actually are and are not.

One can lead a horse to water, yet one can not make it drink. You must employ willingness, humility, and from you’re current vantage, a rather radical open mindedness.

There is no more a finality of a death, than there is a pain of a death. Again, these which you’re speaking of are your own abstractions, and there is no direct experience of what you speak of whatsoever.

There is no suggestion here to adopt beliefs, or that beliefs are healthy. That is more projection. Quite the opposite is being suggested here, to inspect beliefs. The more one does so, the more well being is realized as truth.

Things do not die, just because you choose to believe the thoughts ‘things’ and ‘die’. This is nowhere in perception, and nowhere in your direct experience. It is an abstraction, your belief.

Fingers, is quite literally a thought, a label, which you learned (conditioning), and the thought ‘fingers’ does not actually define perception. This is not an ontological matter, wether you insist and or project that it is. It may very well be the case that it is, within your current materialist paradigm, that being consciousness is a product of a person, missing ‘person’ is a thought which arises within consciousness, just like the thought ‘things’.

Look to perception, to ‘the fingers’, and call them anything you like... refrigerators, airplanes, toasters, any thought label you like. Notice, the thoughts are not actually defining anything, and have no baring whatsoever on perception.

Inspect ‘living part of this earth’, and the more you do, the more you ‘put your money where your mouth is’ so to speak, the more it is realized what is being said here is profoundly true, that there is no such ‘thing’ as separation... there is only the attachment to these thought labels, and the believing thought are defining perception.

Language used to deny the existence of language. Use of the material to deny the existence of the material. Existence in denial of existence.

Nothing new. Yawn. Got it.

You are a stubborn one Richard, apparently.

Nuance & understanding of inspecting direct experience is not denial of anything. In simply looking at this thread, it is clear you are yet again contributing this aspect or angle of denial, but missing that you are, as you are projecting it on to other, essentially pretending you are not the one saying these things. There is only to look at this page for complete clarity on that.

Projection is really just misunderstanding, and asserting your existing understanding. It’s natural, but can also be seen through. The means is implication, you are routinely implying others said what you are actually saying.