aliceshort wrote:Hello,
I am nineteen and I have realised that my anger is out of control and has become very distructive.
In recent months I have broken chairs, punched walls, headbutted walls, punched my wardrobe and broken it and punched my self repeatedly in the face. Alot of these things have been done as a result of being angry about situations my family have been in. My older sister was in a bad relationship, my twin left uni and had to move back home, i have a weird relationship with my mum.
I think there must be some underlying reason for it all but I find it very very hard to talk to people. I have never seriously lashed out at a person as I know to take my self away from people when i get angry but i fear that it could get to that point one day and I fear that.
I never really have time to think about what I am doing before it happens, I have tried going on walks and cycling but it only helps for a short while.
I have talked to my friend about it and she said i need to sort it out as it isnt good to hurt myself like this.
If anyone has any advice on controlling anger that would be amazing.
Dear Alice,
yes, it does not matter at all, but my oldest cat died last week . I called her Calico Bunny... but I got her when she was 4 years old (she lived another 14 years) and her original name was Alice.
So I am predisposed to helping Sentient Creatures named Alice.
This is why I am predisposed to help you.
First thing to realize is that ANGER is not an Emotion. It is a Behavior. The Emotion that prompts us to Behave with Anger is Hatred.
You seem to Hate a lot of Things. But, in Mitigation of your Moral Position, we have to stipulate that you are Young and Full of Ideals. Nearly Any Un-Ideal Thing might set you off.
The Religions used to be FULL of Ideals!... but to prevent the Problem you have fallen into, they Emphasized the First and Most Important Virtue to be Humility. Yes, they could be Perfectly Right, but STILL need to Back Off.
The Offset to Humility was Obedience. If you could Last in the System long enough, then your increased Rank and Status that come with just Living That Long, would translate into your expressing your Decided Judgment, and that you would finally be Heard.. even if only because of the requirement of your Listeners to Obedience. But if your Wisdom had been truly Wise, then, if your protégées have good memories, then they will come to realize that your Advice was not just something to Obey, but the Best Choice among all other Choices.
But, back to you.
You have done Very Good in walking away from Confrontations -- shouting matches, and unpleasant scenes.
By all means KEEP DOING THAT.
But, to get to the Root of your Problem, you need to take a good look at your Ideals and How Much You Respect and Value Them. They are probably Very Good Ideals --- as far as Ideals go... they may be, well, IDEAL.... But.... there is also the SOCIAL IDEAL of Maintaining Peace and Harmony. The Whole Ideal of Religious Humility was geared toward promoting Social Harmony. Just think about a House full, shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow,... a House full of Monks or Nuns -- just how many arguments and conflicts would you expect? Millions? Right? So Everyone was taught to be Humble, and it was assumed that this would at least Solve the Problem for Those Smart Enough to Listen to Age Old Advice.
This will Sound Terrible, BUT, the Imperative of Humility is that you need to sometimes just Ignore your Ideals, in the Interest of Maintaining the Higher Ideal of simply maintaining the Social Peace.
But, yes, you DO have an Anger Problem. Well, don't just listen to me... though it is a good start... go On Line and read all of the reviews for Anger Management Self Help Books and start reading them.
The Best Cure for Anger is to become and Expert in Anger Management.
yes, it takes time. You would not wish, ordinarily to take so much time on just this THING that cropped up in your Way, BUT.... you KNOW that Anger is a Real Problem for you. You SIMPLY have to take the Time to Study the Problem and become a Sage and Wise Expert regarding every facet of Anger Management.
If you should take up this challenge, then , well, Welcome to the Club.
r
R3ea