Here is my first quit in 2015-2017: viewtopic.php?t=92690
My second quit 2018-2021: viewtopic.php?t=92690
2 years clean thoughts and updates: viewtopic.php?t=108891
Time since first quit: 6 years.
Total time clean in that period: 4.8 years
This last quit has lasted 3.8 years. The reason for stopping was incredibly powerful panic attacks that would lead to trips to the hospital. This powerful anxiety along with constant, daily heart palpitations lasted about a year, and then the second year was a lot more manageable and liveable. The third year I was practically symptom free with some heart palpitations here and there - but nothing serious; i'm generally a sportive, active, healthy guy.
Anyway life is going pretty well for me, I have my own apartment, good group of friends and settling into a nice routine. I box, play football, socialise, started some new pandemic induced hobbies such as painting and artsy stuff. But for the last couple of months a string of girlfriends have been weed smokers and have brought the stuff round when they come over to stay. I rejected for a while, but in the chemical haze of spending time with a new gf and lazing around in bed I decided to take the leap and have a few puffs. In hindsight, was it the best decision, was I weak? Is it something thats gonna effect me badly in the future? Will I get addicted again? I don't know, but I can only write out my thoughts here about it.
Smoking again was a big step for me because previously, if I had taken a few puffs, I would start to feel the panic rising up and taking over my body. I have to reiterate those panic attacks were absolutely TERRIFYING!!
There is an initial intense feeling of being high, staring into the abyss, forgetting what you were talking about, or having powerful visual images in your mind almost like watching a movie - then after comes the munchies, giggles and deep conversations. I haven't had any negative effects off it yet. I have smoked it 7 times in the last 4 weeks and each time was 4-6 puffs and that would be enough for me. It's really helped to gain a perspective on my life and to have great self-reflection which you are simply unable to do with all the mechanics we've built in our minds which defines our personalities, morals, world views and behaviour. Weed is really good to help break down those structures and view life in a different way.
I think this is the initial use of weed or how it has been religiously/culturally. It's medicinal at the end of the day but with the abuse comes the negative side effects.
I'm not gonna sit here and say how wonderful weed is, we are all here for a reason; because it doesn't react well with us. So I am fully aware of that and have that in mind and will intend to curb the usage to extremely minimal. To be totally honest, after reliving the feeling of being high after 3.8 years, its really not that great, and I can see it providing no long term benefit to me in the future.
I am at the stage of life (coming into 30) that I have to procure and nurture the things that will have a positive effect on my future - not a negative one. I do want a family one day, my own apartment, maybe a piece of land and a vegetable patch - I have goals, aspirations and dreams and I put those of paramount of importance. I have a father and a mother and would love to see them one day in their own home. Whirling down into a life of addiction and substance abuse with this plant is not something that I can see myself doing.
As compared to the past, where I was younger, unsure of myself and my character, weed really break me down into nothingness and despair. But as I am older now and have had long, strange and incredible life experiences in this last 3.8 years, plus the general wisdom that comes with maturity, I don't think weed can have such an effect on me that it used to in the past. I don't regret my decision, nor do I promote to anyone to give this a try, but this forum is merely to write out your lived life experiences - not only for yourself and your own mental well-being - but in hopes that maybe your message will someone else out along the way. So thats what i'm doing, i'm simply writing exactly what has happened to me in what circumstances.
So to summarise 4 weeks ago I've started to take a few drags here and there when my gf or a friend comes round. I remember Furtive was on here and documented really well with great detail how even occasional usage was not something that could work. For some people I guess it does, but the PAWs symptoms for us on here are too much to bare, so I will at some point have to curtail this down and quit again.
I'll try to update this along the way and see where this thing goes.