Recently had therapy, hasn't worked, options?

You practice.

Confrontation/fighting is a skill. Plenty of professions, including being an attorney, a police officer, a politician, a soldier, etc. involve the potential for conflict, up to and including life or death confrontations. These people, that pursue these lines of work, are human beings that like anyone else experience fear. How do these professionals deal with confrontation/fighting? Hypnosis? Absolutely not. They train, they practice, they simulate, they learn.

The training is specific to the confrontation they most likely will encounter. Attorneys practice using mock trials, politicians learn debate skills, police officers train how to use force. They train, they practice, they learn. This helps them overcome their fears.

What type of confrontation do you most fear? An argument with a coworker, a family member? A physical fight?

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:You practice.

Confrontation/fighting is a skill. Plenty of professions, including being an attorney, a police officer, a politician, a soldier, etc. involve the potential for conflict, up to and including life or death confrontations. These people, that pursue these lines of work, are human beings that like anyone else experience fear. How do these professionals deal with confrontation/fighting? Hypnosis? Absolutely not. They train, they practice, they simulate, they learn.

The training is specific to the confrontation they most likely will encounter. Attorneys practice using mock trials, politicians learn debate skills, police officers train how to use force. They train, they practice, they learn. This helps them overcome their fears.

What type of confrontation do you most fear? An argument with a coworker, a family member? A physical fight?

So basically the more you do it, the better you get? I was like that with my job, and I came through and I'm pretty good at what I do now, it's just when put in a confrontation that will lead to a fight, I just freeze up and cowar away from the argument to stop it from going any further, I feel as if I'm not in control because the fear is so intense.

Mranon14 wrote:
So basically the more you do it, the better you get? I was like that with my job, and I came through and I'm pretty good at what I do now...

In stages, yes.

The same as any other skill, you start with lower level challenges and then you work towards more difficult challenges. For instance, a fear of public speaking you start practicing in a mirror, then an audience of 3 people, then 10 people, then 30, then 60...You don't start by giving a speech to 10,000 people, you scaffold your learning.

well sure there cannot be any positive emotion behind fighting
and more negative experiences you have worse you going to feel about, worse you will freeze

the idea is that with practice you learn your options, you become more confident of oneself that you are not going to end up feeling fooled, hurt, or regret that you hurt someone or whatsoever because you start to understand better what are you options and so even through a fight you keep it calm because you understand it is not as bad as it looks so you have more calmness more confidence because you know what your doing, and you know the possibilities where it may end to

do not confuse discussion with fighting
when I discuss sometimes with people they understand it as fighting, I be like I mean no fight but I have my own rights to share my believes, my opinion, I have my own right to disagree with you guys, and that is not exactly a fight I am just standing on my own space

if you go fighting I am unsure about that
but if you simply discussing that is a different story , there is a difference between fighting and discussing you can do it politely you don't need to be aggressive to prove the others they are wrong and you are correct, with relaxation you be like, OK here is my evidence, this is what it is, I am not fighting I am showing you the evidence because I love you, I respect you it is no fight, hate,

so the idea is that you change how you feel about a debate, about argumenting going on, because you believe it is something different it is not a fight, so you keep it calm

and so you have positive experiences even through an argument with someone, you keep it relax and you see that there is no need to feel anxious about it, nothing bad is about to happen you are simply discussing something

and through positive experiences you change how you feel about ,

@Richard: I see where you're coming from, I did start to do martial arts but wasn't convinced that it was giving me confidence, so I've decided to take up boxing at a new gym which is opening soon. I struggle to figure how this has come about because up until my late teens, I always managed to defend myself. That said whenever I've come across someone who wasn't scared of me then I would cave.

@Laureat: A lot of positives can come from fighting. I believe that we live in an age of wimps who are encouraged to run away from their problems, thus encouraging bullies and situations where they can be taken advantage of. I live in a small town which is quite rough in ways. The men deal with issues with violence and the women do the same. My family for example are tough people yet I can't even stand up for myself any more due to this fear which hangs over me. Since the therapy I sometimes get that feeling of fear even when I think of a situation, not from being in one so God help me when I do get in one until I get this dealt with, the therapy hasn't solved anything.

Mranon14 wrote:@Richard: I see where you're coming from, I did start to do martial arts but wasn't convinced that it was giving me confidence....

That can depend on the quality of the training and to what extent you're dedicated. To overcome a fear of confrontation, the training must include confrontation.

You go from quarter speed to half speed to 3/4 to full speed sparring w/ a real opponent.

the sensitive dogs, the hyperactive dogs are the ones that may turn on become a fighter
a calm dog , doesn't fight
you put him there to fight he goes there to play

it is because some of the dogs are more sensitive side like dobermans, pitbulls, german shepherds so they are more afraid and as a result can escalate to a fight

so do you want to become fighter, sensitive, aggressive,
or you want to become CALM, RELAXING, UNDERSTANDING, INTELLECTUAL

laureat wrote:so do you want to become fighter, sensitive, aggressive,
or you want to become CALM, RELAXING, UNDERSTANDING, INTELLECTUAL

The OP's objective is to overcome the fear of confrontation/fighting.

The highly skilled warrior is calm, relaxed, understanding and intellectual. To become a highly skilled warrior takes a lot of training, a lot of practice, a lot of education. Not just physical training, but there is also the mental side.

yeah I like that one

but still my point is that where does that fight comes from,
example if you are fighting : because of being jealous afraid what your wife is doing you are no warrior you are a coward

cowards fear so as a result they fight