by Alex4 » Mon Jan 30, 2017 7:49 am
You have a tough one. However, you are seeking help and that is a start. I was bulimic for eleven years of my life. I've been clean now for 22 years. I never thought it would happen to me. People are often embarrassed about the disorder, especially guys. You can get out of it though. When you start, you think you control it. By the time you realize that it is controlling you, it has a good hold on you. The sneaking around, having to know who is home and if they are gone, how long before they return. Usually bulimics don't think they are in danger as anorexics often do. The truth is, you are. Electrolyte imbalances, swollen lymph nodes, small broken blood vessels in and under your eyes from straining, malnutrition and I could go on.
Bulimia is an issue of control and an ineffective way of coping with your problems. Yes, there is often the element of fearing that you are fat, but there are overweight people who have good self esteem, so although it appears to be a weight issue, it is really much deeper than that. Have you tried to stop, gone maybe two days without and then have dreams that you started again, or dreams that you had quite and wake up to the realization that you haven't? See what kind of help is available, call them and ask if there is any kind of free help. Usually there is, but you have to look.
For every year you are bulimic, it takes a year for your body to recover. The things you don't see. dental decay from the hydrochloric acid in your stomach, erosions in your esophagus etc. You can do it though. Its hard, but once you are clean, you will feel so much better physically and be able to be proud of the courage you had and have to break the cycle of binging and purging.
Maybe its just my opinion, but I don't know that you ever get over eating disorders completely. I don't mean that you never stop, just that the thought crosses your mind from time to time. Like alcoholics and drug addicts, once you stop you cannot take the risk of "just this once". That can start it up again. Find a therapist you can afford and that you trust (some are even online). They will help you find out what is truly at the base of your disorder. Until you find it, it will be hard to stop, and even replace it with some other unhealthy way of coping. You can do this.
Alex4