Trauma Trigger Anger

xander wrote:To start this off, a little basic history is needed. I currently live with my mom, brother and my sister. I used to also live with my dad, but my parents separated. My father was abusive.
I get very angry with my brother. He honestly does nothing wrong when I look at it in my right mind. He unknowingly reminds me of my father. My brother eats loudly, complains about the messiness of the house, cracks his knuckles slowly all like my dad. He even laughs distinctly like my father. Every time I hear that weird hissing laugh I get furious. I snap at my brother a lot and tell him to shut up, he's eating too loud, he's disgusting, whatever. My brother doesn't deserve that.
So I have a few questions for this forum:
1. Do you have a specific person that triggers your anger that doesn't deserve your aggression? In your right mind, are they even doing anything harmful on purpose at all?
2. Do you have trauma-related anger triggers? What started your anger issues? I know a lot of people with trauma get flashbacks, but this is totally different.
3. Which of your five senses is your biggest trigger? For me, sound/hearing is by far the worst.
-Xander

Hi Xander,

I wonder whether this brother that reminds you of your father is a Big Brother or a Little Brother. You see, one of the big factors involved with Demonstrative Anger is in whether or not there are Inhibiting Influences. For instance, Drunks in Bars are more likely to get angry with puny little guys than with Big Strong Men who could break them in half. You see, they are Inhibited when it comes to being Broken In Half. so, let me guess along the flow of what the studies tell me that you like getting angry with your Little Brother. but if you are getting angry with your Big Brother, well, good for you. Getting your donkey kicked will teach you not to get angry with people over tolerable annoyances.... but, yes, most Mothers train their children to behave in ways to minimize their being socially offensive and annoying. Here's a story -- I remember when I went into the Army, that young troops who had annoying habits would be snatched up by their platoon and be taken out and tossed into the dumpster. That is what they get for not listening to their mothers. But, generally, if people ignore their mothers, and grow up to be annoying, and somehow get jobs where they interact with polite and well behaved people, well, then, the burden falls on the polite and well behaved people to exercise tolerance and patience. This may seem unjust and overly demanding of Virtue, but actually if one gets enough practice at being patient and tolerant, one gets better at it. But it does take a while. You know, living in a polite Society can be both a blessing and a curse. For instance, the Japanese are very polite and they have an extremely low threshold for what is considered annoying and they avoid all such behaviors. Good for them, right? Well, until they travel outside of Japan, and then it is like they have descended into the 9 Rings of Hell -- most other cultures seem utterly gross and disgusting when compared to their own. the best of both worlds would be to have high standards of personal conduct, but to not be so funny in regards to others.

Indeed, there is such a thing as Clinical Oversensitivity. For instance, it turns out that people who fall below a certain Base Line Level of health are more sensitive to smells (every scent become bad or obnoxious), noises are all shrill and annoying, ... almost any human contact becomes obnoxious. So if one notices One's Self being more Irritable, or a loved on becoming more Irritable, well, it should be taken as a Red Flag for declining health. In many cases it may just be sleeplessness. Many people require close to 8 hours of sleep a night, but in an economy where people have to take on two or three part time jobs and still go to school, well, these same people will try to get by on just 4 or 5 hours a sleep. So of course they could be expected to get all batty and dysfuntional.

But, Xander, in regards to yourself, you do have a chronic problem with Anger, though it is low on the scale -- you are just very annoyingly irritable. If you persist in being chronically irritable then you will suffer for it for the rest of your life with relationship problems and career impediments. Nice people will avoid you and you will be stuck with riff raff low life friends and companions. Imagine the Wife you would get who is so desperate that she would go out with a mean frump like you. In schools, academia, and in any decent career field you would be shunted out just as soon as people found that you were hard to get along with. So, Xander, you need to fix yourself while you are still young and not much damage has already been done. Get some good Anger Management Books and study them religiously. My favorite Anger Management Author is Ronald Potter-Efron, a Psychologist. You can get his books on line. He has specific books on Irritability. the Methodology is Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which is basically observing your Thoughts and Behaviors for Bad Conditioning and Bad Habits. and when you spot a Bad Habit in thought and behavior, to come up with a plan for replacing that habit with something better. Think of the 3 R's -- Review, Revise and Rehearse. Review for Bad habits in thought or behavior. Revise thoughts and behaviors that get you into trouble. Rehearse New Ways of thinking and behaving.

There is no quick fix for Anger. Angry Conditioning took a life time to settle in, and it take a Life time to correct. It honestly takes years is significantly down-scale a chronic anger problem. It is like learning to play the violin. but often people think they can cure their anger problem with just a change of attitude. No. it takes Practice Practice Practice.

I share your thoughts. Great that you are aware of how irrational it is. But we are not rational beings, are we? Everything would be so easy if we were... But we are not, I mean, nobody is. Anger is powerful and controlling it is one big challenge. Personally I am trying to use Bach Flower Remedies to get me out of the anger zone. If you want to give it a try...

AnandaMary wrote:I share your thoughts. Great that you are aware of how irrational it is. But we are not rational beings, are we? Everything would be so easy if we were... But we are not, I mean, nobody is. Anger is powerful and controlling it is one big challenge. Personally I am trying to use Bach Flower Remedies to get me out of the anger zone. If you want to give it a try...

Or perhaps finding that he or she has been scammed out of wasting money on some useless flower potion, there will be just one more thing to be angry about. Oh, yes, and of course it would take somebody who brags about being an irrational being to believe that a flower potion can help with anger.

stay psotiive

Hey xander,

It's good to see you're taking steps to become more aware of your anger triggers. Here's a way to become even more aware through journaling. At the end of each day, break down each time you were triggered in this way.

1. Ask what happened,
2. Ask what you felt,
3. Ask why you felt it,
4. Ask how you responded, then;
5. Ask what happened next.

The reason you're "triggered" is because the person or event is bringing up unconscious thoughts and emotions that you have yet to manage properly on the conscious level.

Simply becoming more aware of, and bringing more fluidity to, these unconscious processes will increase your ability to deal with them.

You have to forgive your father, and not get angry with your brother because he reminds you of your dad.