Thought of a person.

nakoj wrote: How can one deal with this? It keeps going and going.

There is something about you that is unable to process a happy bday message as being other than rude.

Let’s say that a person that truly hated you sent a message, “happy bday and hope your day sucks”. The history with this person is without a doubt someone that is sending the message to remind you how much they hate you.

What would you do?

I would slough it off. It would not bother me as it is expected. Of course a person that hates me will send a hateful message. Why would they not send me a hateful message? They hate me.

Another person sends the message that they hope you get brave enough. That obviously implies you are not brave. Definitely a rude implication on your bday.

What do you do? Apparently it bothers you to the point that you go into a forum asking for advice.

Me? I would slough it off. It is a message from a person that considers you weak...not brave enough. Is that so unexpected? Of course not. That’s what they think. It isn’t hateful, it is just them wishing you the best in a not so complimentary way.

Should they know better? Maybe. But is their lack of insight into how to wish you happy birthday really the problem? No. Obviously not.

The real problem is your thought process. Either -1- there is some truth that stings in the message or -2- you have not yet engaged in life to the point that some minor comment does not negatively impact you.

Hey Richard,

no, there is no stinginess in my pulse reading that message, just the thought that she is still thinking about me 2 and a half years since we talked in person for the last time (no chats, nothing from then on).

She is in a happy relationship with a fairly rich guy, and yet she still finds the time to contact me. This really annoys me. Even though I am sloughing it off.

nakoj wrote: This really annoys me.

Why? I do not understand. What is she supposed to do? Pretend like you do not exist?

Yes, we agreed for her to never contact me again two years and a half back, but since then, this is the second time she is wishing me a happy birthday. And I have not, under any circumstance contacted her throughout that period.

I simply answer with thanks.

If it is so annoying and important enough to write about in an anonymous forum, what stops you from just blocking her?

This is the mysterious part about the human brain. Someone did you wrong, you blocked him off everywhere, then you get a text from the other person and some stupid thoughts (being together again) jump in.

This is why I asked how to get over this.

nakoj wrote:This is why I asked how to get over this.

You get over it by actively moving on and engaging fully in life.

Had you been highly productive over the last two years, engaging in projects, creating new relationships, building something of value, participating in various activities that immersed you in life then upon receiving the message it would have quickly been dismissed. You would have been too busy and had other priorities in life. You would not have had time to waste. It would have been you heading off to the next meeting or reading the next chapter, etc.

The only way it is something still lingering is because you have not yet fully focused forward. A significant, unhealthy part of you is still living in the past. You are not filling up your day. You are not engaging to your full capacity.

Why?

That is how you get over it. You figure out why you are not yet fully engaged in your future and then begin working on that side of the equation.

Very good question and awesome answers.

I think you should move on with your life, if you know it was left behind and this old girl knows that too, then you can leave her behind. Perhaps you could at least stay in contact with her as a friend, if it really gets you down. I think you should speak to the girl you are with now about the issues, if they are really frequent.