Please help - pet problems

**Posts:** 3 · by **asifitcametothis** » Sun Nov 29, 2015 4:14 pm

Hi There,

I have recently taken on a stray kitten. Obviously there is some learning to be done on both sides. However I am having difficulty controlling the rage he makes me feel sometimes with his bad behaviour.

Unlike the post i just saw - i definitely DONT like being this way or hurting him. But i fear i am.

I had an abusive childhood and have always considered myself pacifistic - with enough nous to defend myself with verbal and cognitive prowess. This goes out of the window with a pet. I have posted in pet forums thinking that the cat might just be a little BLLLEEEEEEP but i am told they do not do things out of spite or to upset their owner. I followed all their advice in helping train his behavior peacefully.
However, despite being litter trained and very well looked after otherwise - he insists on peeing on my bed. Earlier today I worked in my room and had him in the other room (as he walks all over the keyboard) i went to the loo - he dashed in and i tried to prevent his entry but he won. I left him alone as he didn't seem interested in me at the desk. a few minutes later i here scratching. He'd pee'd on my bed. Get this. Yesterday i brought him a huge little tray which is completely clean. yesterday i brought a brand new (now pee stained) duvet. It's like he came in the room for just that reason. Today i put worming powder in his food and he doesn't seem to like it. so a dirty protest seems feasible but not acceptable.

I started by not using any physical techniques to train him. I had no impact. I then allowed myself to tap him on the nose. no impact. i read this is the equivalent of a rolling pin on the nose so i stopped. The article said pushing your palm on their face is acceptable. I do this but find myself holding and pinning his head down in anger until he appears distressed. He is constantly disrupting me from doing things like reading, emailing etc. normal cat behaviors i know but when i move him he's back over and over and over. it really gets my back up.

The peeing on my bed today was the last straw - i rubbed his face in it hard, held him up and smacked him. I knew instantly it was wring and hate myself for it. I'm in my mid 30's and have always swore i would not be like my mother - but i am. and this is a kitten, not even a much more complex creature like a child. I really hate myself but i don't know what else to do. the rage comes up and i really start to hate the animal. it feels like he is doing it on purpose. My life has never been easy and i deal with a lot on a daily basis. issues and stress at work, difficulty in relationship. I have had to wait over a year to get that duvet after a friend burnt my old one on a candle. i know the cat doesn't know this. i'm just trying to show why it was so upsetting for me.

It's really out of character for me - i am usually really diplomatic and avoid confrontation - maybe because i am scarred of releasing a lot of pent up aggression? I know this is only happening because no one knows. i wouldn't dare treat the animal like i do in front of someone. A little like the other poster i guess. In the heat of the anger there is a slight, very mild pleasure. more a relief that you can have this release and no one knows. like we are all trained to oppress and control rage all the time. I know it isn't good. i hate myself for it. i want it to stop.

Rehousing the cat now would raise a lot of questions that I am scared to answer. I'd rather not give up.

'I don't have children and would love to have one or two - but i would not wish any child to go through what i did. i will never make a good parent at this rate. i am a vile person. please help.

**Posts:** 549 · by **McCain** » Mon Nov 30, 2015 4:50 am

Hitting an animal only increases your stress and makes the animal distrust you.
Get a squirt gun. Fill it with water. Only use it when the cat jumps up on your bed. Squirt him every he jumps up there.
In time he will understand that this is not his area to do as he pleases.
McCain

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Mon Nov 30, 2015 12:24 pm

Dear A,

You Know, from reading the other posts you have browsed that I am indeed a cat lover.

But, you are totally reasonable in not liking a cat that pees in your bed.

You do not have to deal with it. Take the Cat to the Pound... the Kennel ... or sew it up in a bag with a ten pounds weight and through it in the Thames, No one can live with a cat that is not instantly Box Trained.

I do have an Ex-Feral Cat that poops on the floor... but she has always had a terrible indigestion problem and is very Gassy... most cats are not gassy.... When have you ever heard a cat fart? But apparently pooping in the Box would blow the clumpable kitty litter up her butt, and she did not like that at all. so she goes to the Box that is furthest away from daily traffic and she squats just outside the box and poops on the floor, and then she gets the fresh clean paper towel off to the side that I have learned to provide, and she covers her mess. I can live with that.

But Peeing in ones bed is a gesture of Territoriality... OH! Has the Kitten been 'Fixed"? neutered or spayed? TomCats upon maturity will Spray areas that they Like... your Bed, for instance. Females usually do not Spray on Territory... I think.

If the Cat is Already 'fixed' then get rid of it.... if the cat is not fixed... well "if it is Broke then Fix it".

**Posts:** 36 · by **umairlooms** » Tue Dec 01, 2015 7:27 am

Cats can be trained to do anything. I understand you have cat issues, however lets go through a plan.
Whenever your cat comes on to the bed, scare it away. that is the only time you scare it away Allow yourself 50 times for this to happen and before that YOU WILL CONTROL your anger and UNDERSTAND That such things are a part of life. the CAT IS AFTERALL a cat, like a SMALL CHILD and does not what it does. Over time WITH YOUR PLAN IN HAND, the CAT WILL STOP wetting your bad and till then YOUr LOVE FOR THE CAT WILL KEEP GROWINg, appreciating its innocent nature and you will appreciate its innocent nature and UNDERSTAND that the CAT loves you too and is simply too INNOCENT to understand what it is doing. Once you follow the plan, the CAT and YOU, WILL get over all the problems

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Tue Dec 01, 2015 12:26 pm

Well,

Umairlooms means well. But I feel that he is just guessing about Cats. It is Extremely Unordinary for a Socialized Cat to want to Pee in the Bed of its Human Friend. Why would it want to do That? The Cat would not pee in its Own Bed, so why would it want to Pee in Yours?

I suggested the idea of Territorial Marking... if the cat is not already 'Fixed'. If it is Not That, then the cat is Peeing in your bed just like a Human would be peeing in your Bed... to annoy you.

If the Cat is not Fixed, then fix it.... get it neuteured.... Male Cats do stuff like that until they get fixed... and it is GOOD to fix them when they are still Kittens so they don't start up any Bad TomCat Habits.

But, It is Only a Cat, and a very bad Cat. Yes, I LOVE Cats! But the Pet Stores and the Kennels and the Volunteer Organizations that Save Cats have DOZENS of cats to pick from, and they ALL need saving.

So, don't feel bad about getting rid of a Bad Cat to get a Good Cat.

Good Cats deserve Good Homes better than bad cats, no?

**Posts:** 3 · by **asifitcametothis** » Tue Dec 01, 2015 11:34 pm

Thanks Leo - very reassuring.

He's not been fixed -i only had him a few weeks (maybe three now) and i guess he was about 8-9 weeks when i got him. it seems like this is the cause then.

I really never expected him to come litter trained and we had a few days at first where he would poop and pee near the bed and i was ok with this and dutiful in cleaning it. i new it was to be expected. as soon as i noticed him going in my plan pots i used soil in the litter tray and presto in a day or two he was using the litter tray and all was well. until now the third bed peeing incident.

i really don't want to make it so he can't come on the bed. people have suggested lemon/citrus spray, hormone spray and even tarp!!! but then how do i get my cuddles? he's a frigging gorgeous little creature but the bed peeing makes me see red. i always feel guilty later like a vile human being - it's his eyes!!

let's see what neutering does. maybe i need him to be a naughty little sh** bag to take the guilt out of chopping his balls off?

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Wed Dec 02, 2015 12:55 pm

Dear Astitcametothis,

Well.... One cannot expect Tomcat Non-neutered Problems for almost a Year.

It is Still Strange that he has Kitty Box Problems. It is like he never saw a Litter Box before... and he probably hasn't. Where did you get this Kitten that never saw a Litter Box before?

Well, thank you for the insight. I was used to thinking that Kittens needed Socialization with Humans in order to be, well, Sociable, but Early Litter Box Training also seems Essential.

But you might LOVE this little THING already... too much to take it to the Kennel, where, being labeled "Litter Box Untrained" is a sure Death Sentence... and yes, Kennels Kill ten more animals than they Save... only the Best go forward... and then only for a few weeks... and if they don't find a Home by then, they go too.

But you have to decide for yourself. If you have a Damaged Little Kitten that will Always be a problem for the Life Expectancy of 18 Years, then keep that cat that is pissing in your bed. Or trade it in for pretty little Pure Breed Something that was Hand Raised and Perfectly Socialized... including never thinking for a moment of ever 'going' anywhere but the designated Kitty Box.

Will you feel guilty? Well, sure. But look at it from my perspective. I was a Feline Socialization Volunteer, and I ran two Feral Cat Feeding Stations, and the local Veterinarian Clinics sponsored spaying or neutering for any cats I could catch and bring in. The Mortality Rate among these Cats is staggering. I've seen 10 Dead Cats to every living one. With Cats it Really Is Survival of the Fittest -- the Best of Breed, the Best in Health, and the Best Adapted to Living with Human Beings.

Anyway, I would not exactly say that poor little Tom Cat is out of the Woods yet. By NOW he really SHOULD know better than to Pee in your Bed. Nobody would hold it against you if you "gave it away to some nice people on a farm, where the kitty could have fun all day long catching barn mice, and poop and pee in the hey like all the other Animals". That could be your "story".... but, yes, you Love that little cat, but you will love the GOOD CAT that you replace it with even more.

Oh, yes, of course... give the little pisser five or ten minutes more to change its ways, before you trade it in for a Known Good Kitten...

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:30 am

Oh! I thought of more possibilities.

First, I have found that Cats... even feral cats who had never used a Litter Box, gravitate naturally to the Litter Box once they are 'inside' and not 'outside' cats. But this maybe because they catch the scent of the box and so they know exactly what it is for. ... like a Blind Person being able to find the Rest Room at a bus station without having to ask directions...

I wonder that your cat does not go straight for his Litter Box? Then I started wondering about the Bed... the Cat's adopted Target. Hmmmmm. Does that Bed have a strange History of sorts? I think a Cat would differentiate between the scent of Human urine and that of Cat Pee. Cat Pee has a strong alkaline scent... like ammonia. You could probably wash windows with Cat Pee. Maybe at one time the Bed was accidentally cleaned or disinfected with Ammonia instead of with Bleach, which left a residual scent which is too much like that of Cat Pee for a little cat to ignore.

Anyway, if you have grown very fond of your little Trouble Maker, and you want to take care of all other possibilities before getting rid of your little friend, well, strip off the blankets, sheets and covers, and take a good look at everything... or, better yet, it would be best if you sniffed everything out. whatever doesn't smell like Spring Time and Roses, get rid of it.

Also, in the Pet Stores the Cats are put in relatively large Cages... but small compared to the Area they get use of in in a whole big House. In the Cage the Litter Box takes up a great deal of room. it is hard not to notice it. New Kitties in Pet Stores often retreat to the Little Box and crouch in it, feeling safer behind its little walls. But they soon relax and gain courage and take full ownership of their entire cage, and then just use the Litter Box for what it was intended to be.

If your Cat really has no idea what the litter box is for. Well, you might want to Rent a Cage or a get a large pet carrier and keep your Cat in that for a while, with a Litter Box. He will soon learn, in these confined quarters, what a Litter Box is for....

Good, luck. I know that Philosophically I am all in favor of Getting the Best Possible Cats, and to 'trade in' the Bad Ones. But I myself have a Kitty that poops on the floor. She is an Ex-Feral, but her first solid food was from one of my Feral Cat feeding stations that its Mother frequented, and so the little Kitty has known me all her Life. After a Large island Storm she was the only survivor of all her siblings, and she and her Mother became friends and companions. When her mother died, I took in the Daughter. she always had terrible indigestion, and became 'gassy'. One NEVER hears a Cat 'pass wind', but this poor little thing does. Apparently the litter box was awkward for her... the explosive discharges would get her tail end all dirty, and so she started pooping close to the Litter Boxes. it adds to my workload... but She is marvelous little Cat in all other ways.... and she comes with a thousand wonderful memories. So I am willing to put up with a little trouble for the sake of keeping her around...
Ai

**Posts:** 36 · by **umairlooms** » Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:37 am

@leo
I actually was a cat owner myself but perhaps I was being too conservative in dealing with the cat. My cat was well trained and so I believe any at can be trained. regardless...I believe you are of more help in this matter

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Thu Dec 03, 2015 1:18 pm

umairlooms wrote:@leo
I actually was a cat owner myself but perhaps I was being too conservative in dealing with the cat. My cat was well trained and so I believe any at can be trained. regardless...I believe you are of more help in this matter

Oh, No...

I Am Very Smart, but I have been caught Wrong many times before.

And your post made me think whether I had not thought of Everything before committing to the demolition of this Young Cat, which really MAY have a problem that can be dealt with by training... or as I am now guessing, was lead to Pee on the Bed because it already has a Strong Ammonia smell, on it from some Past History.

Anyway, you DO have Cats. Yes, that makes you something of an Authority, doesn't it?... and we all respect that. I listened to you, didn't I...?

**Posts:** 36 · by **umairlooms** » Thu Dec 03, 2015 2:07 pm

@leo, no no, I do not own cats Leo. I just once did as a kid and therefore I honestly believe you would be of more help in this matter and agreed that I might have been too presumptuous about the cat before giving advice.

**Posts:** 32 · by **DianaCamomile** » Thu Dec 03, 2015 2:45 pm

Cat's character may vary. My friend has uncontrolled cat and she's afraid of his hairy pet =(
asifitcametothis, try to throw out your cat on the street, when he jumps on your bed.

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Fri Dec 04, 2015 8:19 am

DianaCamomile wrote:Cat's character may vary. My friend has uncontrolled cat and she's afraid of his hairy pet =(
asifitcametothis, try to throw out your cat on the street, when he jumps on your bed.

Yes, there is a Point here.

But there are So Many Good Cats in the World... affectionate, respectful, empathetic cats, that have Personality and can even be funny and creative about things. Well, why Put up with some dirty bad Thing. Especially if it is still Relatively New. people should try not to get attached Too Quickly to pets. the first month should be seen as a trial period.

Yes, I know that if you take it back to the Pound or Kennel, that it is almost a certain Death Sentence for the poor animal. But at the same time, most Kennels or Pounds have Schedules for their Slaughters.... if a dog or cat is not adopted by a certain 'dead' line, it is 'put down'. And this happens to the Finest Dogs and Cats! people who come to Adopt Pets will pick the dirty, mean and scruffy animals because they BELIEVE that of course Most People will adopt the Pretty and Nice Animals. But that is not Case at all, because Too Many People seem to Prefer Adopting the Bad and Second Rate Animals, and so the true Choice Quality Pets are the ones that Go over the DEAD line.

Its sad. it is sad that so many animals have to die, and its sadder that the Best seem to be going First.

animals should be rewarded for their Inherent Quality... not put to death for it... to save scruffy snaggle cats that pee in their owners' beds... for instance.

**Posts:** 3 · by **asifitcametothis** » Sun Dec 06, 2015 12:10 am

it's not a year old Leo - i'd sat 13 weeks maximum.

It's perfectly well litter trained I've not let it in my room for a week and there hasn't been one single accident.
i only live in a flat though and my kitchen and living room are the same room. so while he's little one room and some stairs might be enough space for him (loads of toys and a scratch post too) this can't be a long term arrangement because it's cruel. so is letting him in my room knowing he will wee and have him face my anger.

so the plan is to get him neutered in a week or two - let him back in the room. see if he pees on the bed again and if not awesome. if so a friend has agreed to take him (honestly) - and i will get a cat that is not a little pee pee head.

thanks everyone.

tips on stopping anger all welcome - still scared i won't ever be a fit mother.

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Sun Dec 06, 2015 1:14 pm

Dear Astif...

Well, that Sounds like a Good Plan.

But, I live with 5 Cats... and it used to be Seven. Cats don't Need that much Territory. A Kitchen-Living Room is plenty for any Cat! One of my Best Friends used to condition cats to Limited Space by keeping them in a cage for a week or two. After the Cage, well, a Small Cramped Apartment seemed like the Wide Open Spaces.

With the Five Cats I have, I noticed that their extent of movement does not really extend all that far. And I just have a Kitchen leading to the front door... and they like the Front Door; and a Living Room, which some of the Kitties extend their territory into... all the way to the back... but these are the less dominant kitties and they go back into the 'hinterlands' to avoid all the Kitty Politics... I suppose. There is the Music Studio... it used to be my Bedroom, until I crowded myself out of it with Musical Stuff. This seems to be the Place of Choice for the Non-Dominants. the Leaders -- the Movers and the Shakers, basically hang out with Me during the Day in the Living Room Kitchen Area. the Salts of the Earth... the smaller and older Females... hang out in the Music Studio. Of course, when it is Music Practice Time... the Alphas... the Big Cats... come into the Music Studio and find their places... but they are considerate enough not to take the same Special Spots that the regular cats inhabit all day long. Cats are basically Nice and Courteous...

Anyway, I hope little "Buddy" succeeds well after the Fix.

But, if not... well, you gave him his chance.

I remember, one of my Feral Favorites was "Blackie" who was actually a 'Tuxedo' Cat... but I had run out of names for the Ferals. I tried to bring him IN to be an indoor cat, and many of the Ferals Jump at the Chance to be an In Door Cat. But Blackie just stayed by the door and yowled to be let out. Out of Courtesy for me, he would stop yowling at night so as not to disturb my sleep. But he was a Smart Little Devil and figured out that if he Yowled when I was trying to Sleep, THEN that would work for him. It did. I got out of bed and opened the door for him. a few months later the Outside World killed him. I never found the body... but I smelled it... back about 10 yards in the Jungle somewhere. You know, the Movies are wrong about people being able to cut their way through a Jungle with a machete ... yes, That is how it is done... but the Movies make it look a lot easier than it really would be. Every Inch is a struggle to cut down and disentangle a score of small trees, bush trunks and intertwined branches. So Poor Dead Blackie was left to Rest in Peace where he finally fell. he was probably shot.

Please help - pet problems

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