How do I control my anger outbursts?

**Posts:** 13 · by **BO-DACIOUS** » Sat Jun 08, 2019 5:43 pm

Ok thank you to you both for all your input. I appreciate it. You've given me a lot to think about. I may get to one of those books one day when my brain is more focused. I will try my best to see the bright side of situations.

Thanks a lot!

Jesse

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:34 pm

BO-DACIOUS wrote:Ok thank you to you both for all your input. I appreciate it. You've given me a lot to think about. I may get to one of those books one day when my brain is more focused. I will try my best to see the bright side of situations.

Thanks a lot!

Jesse

Hi Jesse,

Well, doing the "Bright" Side thing is also confronting the world emotionally. Yes, it's better than Emotional Negativity. But sometimes you get into just a Broadly Bad Situation (I don't need to remind you about "Broadly Bad", where just to save your emotional strength, you should be mostly just Neutral. Then your focus should be like Damage Control, even if you don't do anything wrong... it is just that you have to Act like it is Damage Control just to keep from being Homeless or something.

But, YES, for People, always have a smile. Before going into Social Situation, put a little bit of a smile in your eyes and predispose you face for a smile. You know Psychology. Just Adopting the Pose creates the Genuine Feeling. I've been taking College Classes and it is strange to see what people walk around with on their faces. People take the time to DRESS carefully, but will walk around with an actually scowl on their face. Now, don't GRIN (like Salesman who over do it). Just look like you thought of something amusing about 10 seconds ago and it is still on your mind.

Hmmmmm. I was just thinking, that you have largely been able to contain your blowup, but you still don't have much of an attention span. What exactly is the MOOD of your failure to concentrate. Is it COMPETING THOUGHTS? As the Cortisol Level declines I would think that the Competing Thought Thing would drop too.

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Mon Jun 10, 2019 10:13 pm

lovelife wrote:
BO-DACIOUS wrote:Please, someone help me. Anger is ruining my life.

Hey guys, this is kyle here.

Not so long ago I was a very angry individual and I didnt know how to control it.

Controlling your anger can be really frustrating. It was almost impossible for us to learn how to do without a proper tutorial from the pros.

I've watch hundreds of tutorials online but nothing beats this simple clear to the cut video here-https://clk.ink/oBW8x

click the link above, and you'll land on a 5 sec landing page, just click skip on the top right corner to continue, and you land on YOU TUBE tutorial video where it shows you step by step on how to control your anger even if your a beginner.

i hope that someone would of shown me this when i was first learning how to control my anger that would save me hours an hours of banging my head off the wall trying out different technics.

Again you can watch the tutorial here-https://clk.ink/oBW8x

I'm almost sure this tutorial will blow your mind.

This guy makes controlling your anger look ridiculously easy! no joke.

hope this helps

Kyle

Jezus Kyle, That URL is just a URL. Why can't you give us a Searchable Name of Something. I wasn't stupid enough to just Line It and hit Enter. I put it into a Search Engine and the Engine came back with "Whoa! Are you Sure About This?"

Yeah, I'm suspicious.

Plus, your pushing Easy Cures for Anger. Really?

**Posts:** 2958 · by **quietvoice** » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:11 am

lovelife wrote:i shorthened the link thats all

Hmm.

Join now and earn on every link you shorten & Share
Up to $150 / 10000 views

Imagine that.
I reported from one of your posts earlier today for spamming.
Read the Forum Rules if you have any questions.

**Posts:** 13 · by **BO-DACIOUS** » Fri Jun 14, 2019 12:51 am

Yeah I dont know why I have a bad attention span..I guess other thoughts intrude. I have been trying to smile more because I know conditioning can cause you to associate the smile with good feelings. Kind of working in reverse.

Kyle, can you tell me what to search on YouTube? I dont like clicking random links I find on line. I appreciate it though!

Thanks guys

Jesse

**Posts:** 2958 · by **quietvoice** » Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:44 am

BO-DACIOUS wrote:Kyle, can you tell me what to search on YouTube? I dont like clicking random links I find on line. I appreciate it though!

He was banned and his posts were deleted because he was spamming with his links.

He did say that it was to a "Sadhguru" video, though.

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Sat Jun 15, 2019 12:47 pm

quietvoice wrote:
BO-DACIOUS wrote:Kyle, can you tell me what to search on YouTube? I dont like clicking random links I find on line. I appreciate it though!

He was banned and his posts were deleted because he was spamming with his links.

He did say that it was to a "Sadhguru" video, though.

Hi Jesse, Hi Quiet Voice,

Oh, wonder if the guy was talking about 'Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev'. "Sadguru" is sort of an honorific title, meaning "Supreme Guru", because, apparently, just being a 'Guru' isn't enough these days in the Age of "Superstars", when, likewise, being a Star isn't enough. But the 'h' is different. So I looked it up and got Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. Yeah, I gave up my Guru chasing decades ago, but apparently this guy has been on the rise. Heck, I think his organization even sends me a free magazine every quarter, which is glossy enough that I look it over before tossing it. But, yeah, Everything is a business with this guy, but that might be simply how one has to operate within Capitalism, but going over his programs, I didn't see anything that hinted of anything from the Political Left and advocating for Society in General. He is all about a Clientele, and a Clientele that can pay their way (and he has an Economy Class, Business Class and First Class Programs), SO,I'm guessing he is a Predator. Also, that trick of using his devotees to Trick people onto his Website using "shortened" URLs is kind of sleazy. Really, you think it would be BETTER for Business NOT to be so slippery, oilly, and sleazy. The problem is that their Inner Circle (all these Gurus), which are several thousand people deep, treat them like Gods, and so they lose the power of Self Critique, and they do stuff they should know, and used to know, is just plain Creepy. Really, would it hurt them to hire a Public Relations Person that can tell them exactly how they are to correctly present themselves. You know, if you are going to be a 'Perfect' Guru, then there definitely should be certain Do's and Don'ts. But, in regards to Anger Management, well, with these Guru People, the message is always the same.... it's the same 'Snake Oil Cure' for everything. Basically it is the Guru's brand of Yoga or Meditation. but THAT is MY background and didn't keep me from being Angry, did it? SO, Anger is really specific, and what I have found is that the Cognitive Behavioral Therapies really work the best. We don't need any hocus pocus. BUT, maybe it was my Background into Yoga Techniques that helped me spot that Cortisol Trick (that if you INSTANTLY Relax at the first physiological sign of Stress Tension (jaws locking up, but Jesse has developed a List of other indications, then just that will shut off what would have been a FULL Cortisol Adrenaline Rush.... effectively turning off an Anger Episode even before you realized you were 'angry', that is, before the Cognitive Trigger)

**Posts:** 13 · by **BO-DACIOUS** » Fri Jun 21, 2019 8:09 pm

Yeah that was suspicious to me too. I dont click things like that. What do these gurus do? Is it anger management?

I've been doing much better with anger over the past few weeks. I also attended my first anger management class the other day. I hope that works out well too. Sorry I havent got back to you I'm just really busy and tired.

Thanks again for your help man,

Jesse

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Fri Jun 21, 2019 9:59 pm

BO-DACIOUS wrote:Yeah that was suspicious to me too. I dont click things like that. What do these gurus do? Is it anger management?

I've been doing much better with anger over the past few weeks. I also attended my first anger management class the other day. I hope that works out well too. Sorry I havent got back to you I'm just really busy and tired.

Thanks again for your help man,

Jesse

Oh! Great! An Angermangagement Class. Oh, don't forget to tell them about that Cortisol Switch Off Trick (with the Jaw Muscle Tightening and Relaxing, which, however, you advised that OTHER muscle groups tighten up too... oh, by the way, one Lady once pointed out to me that the Jaw Muscles also tighten up before going in for a Kiss or whatever, and yeah, she's right. SO, Affection and Aggression have stuff in common).

Oh, 'what do Gurus do?' Well, Gurus are sort of in the "Meaning of Life Business". They give Spiritual Advice, but I guess where they can start is "What is Spiritual?" what I think is happening is that People really are Animals, BUT they would like to think of themselves in more Ideal Terms. So I think that the Ideal Qualities that separate us from the Animals are what we would call Spiritual. But, many Modern Gurus employ a great deal of Market Research and will offer any product or service that they believe people would pay them for. So we get Gurus offering Motivational Seminars, which is really about honing Predatory Skills, and, really, you can't get any my Animalistic than that. Oh, but there have been some Gurus that I have known who have been able to sort of TURN ON the energy body, or at least have been able to TURN ON the Perception of an Energy Body. This is interesting and I would think that an Energy Body should be useful for something. It goes back to the Tradition of Tribal Shamans who did Healing and Visionary Work. I've often heard and read of this Energy as being a vehicle for the Expansion of Consciousness, BUT, I have still to meet a Guru who can pass the "What Number am I thinking about?" Test.... you know, if they can expand their Consciousness, then they should be able to expand into YOUR consciousness and know what number you are thinking of. But, yes, I have read about Gurus and Shamans that could do that.

Tell us how the Class goes!

**Posts:** 13 · by **BO-DACIOUS** » Thu Jun 27, 2019 1:06 am

Okay I had a couple classes. I told her about the cortisol trick and she hadn't heard about it. My homework was to draw my anger and fill out this test. It said I was a bit of a doormat but I know I'm not that. I did learn that I may have not learned how to deal with my anger from a young age...still dont know why. They are talking about the positive sides of anger like how babies use it to control their caregiver/environment. Kind of goes against what you're saying...hard to figure out which is true.

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Thu Jun 27, 2019 1:40 am

BO-DACIOUS wrote:Okay I had a couple classes. I told her about the cortisol trick and she hadn't heard about it. My homework was to draw my anger and fill out this test. It said I was a bit of a doormat but I know I'm not that. I did learn that I may have not learned how to deal with my anger from a young age...still dont know why. They are talking about the positive sides of anger like how babies use it to control their caregiver/environment. Kind of goes against what you're saying...hard to figure out which is true.

Hi Bodacious (Jesse)

Oh, the Trick about the Cortisol Trick is that your Instructor wouldn't have heard about it because it is an Original Idea. As I had said, the Psychology Establishment is split up into different disciplines: some care only about Behavior and some care only about Brain and Body Stuff. SO, there is nobody there to SEE the Connection that a Brain and Body Thing like Cortisol would have over Behavior. It's not an Apple and its not an Orange and so it fell in their crack. But, yes, Jesse, these people do not know everything. It is good to respect them for what they know, but even they should have the realization that there is a great deal they should admit to not knowing.

Now, yes, some Books do this too. They start their Anger Management by telling you that Anger is Good. Yes, crazy, right? The reason for this is that these Instructors are not likely to have been Angry People (or they would have screwed up in School before getting their Degrees, right?) And so they really don't KNOW about Anger. It may be their Specialty even, but they are essentially on the Outside Looking In when it comes to Anger.

Also, we need to consider their School of Psychology, or what their Preferred Form of Therapy is. In my case I prefer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In the Cognitive Behavior sense ANGER IS ALWAYS BAD, and looked at from a different perspective, ANGER IS NEVER GOOD. You see, Jesse, we can and we should monitor our Behavior and determine what is working for us, and what works against us. I don't know what they are telling you when they are listing all the reasons why Anger is such a Good Thing, BUT WE BOTH KNOW it is bull crap, because whenever we ourselves ever get even a little bit angry, well, it blows up in our faces, right? Whenever we think of what just happened, our clearest and most lucid thought always ends up being "it would have been best to just let it slide". Yes, after we spend a year or two or three making sure we don't ever get angry, THEN we can play around with dealing with confrontational situations without fear that we will be pushed and triggered into making a scene (cracking somebody's skull or throwing an Office Desk out of a 30 story window). So we know what is actually good. CALM IS GOOD. COOL IS GOOD. These Experts who have never known a really angry day in their lives simply do not have any real insight into it, like you or I, do they?

But, yeah, pay attention and eventually I suppose they will get around to the part where Anger Isn't Good.

Oh, Jesse, how is the attention span thing going. You know, if you can read books for even 10 minutes a day, that would be great.

Oh, a new Poster has come in with his Anger Problem and I told him about how the Cortisol Trick has helped with your Anger. And it still helps with mine.... a few times a day I find myself relaxing a Bite. Remember, the less Cortisol that is in our systems, well, the more peace of mind we have and the more we can concentrate on what we want to, and not just be possessed by a Mind that just thinks of what it wants to think about... issues, insults and everything that we wish we could just let go of.... and we can. We NEVER REACT to anything little. We pick our Battles, and are Battle are either Life or Death, or not worth screwing with. And We Keep our Teeth and all those other Muscle Groups Loose as a Goose.

You take care, Jesse.

**Posts:** 1 · by **DanielShaw** » Fri Jul 05, 2019 7:57 am

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:02 am

DanielShaw wrote:
1. Practice deep breathing
2. Count from 1 to 100 or 100 to 1
3. Focus on the present
4. Relax tight muscles
5. Listen to music
6. Be assertive
7. Regular timeout
8. Relaxation techniques: Yoga
9. Professional Help
10. Nurture your sense of humor:

Hi Daniel,
Great List, well, all except number 6: Be Assertive. Daniel, are you now or have you ever had an Anger Management Problem? Yes, a lot of the Mental Health Professionals talk about the importance of being Assertive, but I suppose that is something that is on their list of THINGS THAT ARE GENERALLY GOOD FOR PEOPLE (and more on that below). But for Angry People, who will Lose their Job (after having lost Jobs before), or wreck their Relationships if they get Triggered into Anger again, well, these people should not be TOLD to Initiate Confrontations. Remember, people who are just Writing In for the first time to an Anger Management Page, well, they do not really have much experience with preparing for expected Triggers, and even if they SEE a Trigger coming, they might not have had enough rehearsal or practice in NOT snapping at the bate (have you ever played "Caught Ya" with someone new in Therapy?). Oh, and Daniel, well, you must know that some Bosses and some Relationship Partners are not entirely innocent when it comes to deliberately Pushing Buttons. Some People play with Angry People like Cats play with Mice. So, REALLY, you need to Scratch Number 6 off the list. Assertiveness is only Asking for Trouble. What Angry People need to learn, and it is NOT on your List is ESCAPE and AVOIDANCE. One can minimize Angry Episodes by limiting Exposure Time to possible Triggers. At Work, fly under the radar. Keep out of the Bosses way. If you have problems with Co-workers, then stay out of their way too. "Yeah Sure" you're way out of meaningful conversations (which might be designed to walk you into a Trigger Trap). In Relationships, minimize exposure too. Engage in Best Behavior Activities only. Don't just hang out. do Fun stuff where it is understood that "we can talk about that kind of crap later" and make sure there is no later. You see, Daniel, until an Angry Person has had six months to a year of Hard Work, Rehearsal, and Practice at being "the New Me" they will still be vulnerable to screwing up the rest of their Life. We need to advise caution, and in terms of "Picking Your Own Battles", we should be telling these people to Walk Away From Them All. Once they are Masters of Their Behavior, then they can start telling everybody else what to think and do, which, really, that is what Assertiveness is, isn't it? Really, admit it, Psychologists invented the idea of Assertiveness in order to position themselves to give Seminars to Lawyers and Salesmen (and people who are only amateurs at being obnoxious). Note, Psychologists take no Oaths and they are clear of any Ethical Constraints. They are perfectly free to use their Knowledge for Evil if only in pursuit of a quick buck. right? those are the People that gave us Asseritiveness Training and the idea of Assertiveness as a virtue, when in all of the World's Moral Systems there was no word for Assertiveness... they called it Pride and it was a Sin.

**Posts:** 13 · by **BO-DACIOUS** » Thu Jul 11, 2019 5:42 pm

Ok thanks to both of you. I was always taught that assertiveness is an alternative to aggression. Weird. Well I'm reading a book on the stock market one or two pages a day so it's going ok. Sorry for the late reply I've been super busy and it's hard to read big posts all at once.

Thanks again for all your input

Jesse

**Posts:** 1152 · by **Leo Volont** » Thu Jul 11, 2019 11:30 pm

BO-DACIOUS wrote:Ok thanks to both of you. I was always taught that assertiveness is an alternative to aggression. Weird. Well I'm reading a book on the stock market one or two pages a day so it's going ok. Sorry for the late reply I've been super busy and it's hard to read big posts all at once.

Thanks again for all your input

Jesse

Hi Jesse, Good to hear from you. Glad you're doing well. Yeah, I'm always hearing about how Assertiveness is an ALTERNATIVE to Aggression. But, aren't they really the same thing but just different in degree. In the case of Aggression you get loud, intimidating and you are trying to force your own way. With Assertiveness you are speaking, that is, confronting other people or another person, and you are trying to be persuasive, and you obviously are trying to get your own way about something. Yes, there is no problem if what you are talking about is SO unimportant to everybody that they just let you have your way because it doesn't matter and nobody cares, BUT, what if you encounter Resistance? What if what you want needs to be taken from somebody else. Then we have a Conflict, and, well, we KNOW that Angry People do not handle Conflict well. It is too easy to get triggered into a Major Anger Blow Up, right? So, yeah, I think that all this talk about how Assertiveness is All Goodness and Light is just the product of Psychologists Theorizing about what they don't have any personal experience with. As I stated before, how many Angry People could stay in School that long without getting thrown out. People with Psychology Degrees all come into the Field as Well Adjusted People with Good Coping Skills, the the System would have filtered them out, right? Also, Psychologists have no real Ethical Boundaries and so they can advance any kind of Idea that might earn themselves an extra buck or two. So they give Assertiveness Training Seminars to Lawyers, Sales Reps, and Middle Level Manager People who want to sharpen their Teeth for all the Dog Eat Dog Office Politics Games they have to play. But NONE of THAT is good in any ordinary social context. Healthy Social Relationships require cohesion and cooperation skills. Assertiveness Training is Dominance Training and where it doesn't lead to exploitation and the injury of other people's interests, it leads to conflict. But, yeah, if you want to be obnoxious and Boss people around with Scientific Precision, then go in for Assertiveness Training. But in Anger Management, our goal here is to smile and be one big happy family, right? As my Mom used to say "if you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all", and everybody loved her. My father was assertive and you can guess how popular that made him.

How do I control my anger outbursts?

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