by Leo Volont » Tue Jun 04, 2019 12:11 am
Oh! NO! Mr. Falhaber, that Metal Shop Teacher. He was of my Favorite Teachers! His Throwing Brushes and Sliding Hammers off the Bench (remember, I was able to Duck and Dodge... No Harm, No Foul) , that really WAS to test for Safety, and to see how I would react to CRAP like that (he might have anticipated that the Shop Kids might give me a hard time for being on the Academic Track, and wanted to know up front whether I had any PUSH BACK in me. But, yeah, it turns out that HE was an Intellectual too and so we talked about books and Politics. You already know how I MUST HAVE listened to his every word. When that Iron Shop in California asked me if I knew anything about welding, I just ZONED BACK to what Old Mr. Falhaber used to say.
Oh. I guess I was lucky because I found out I was smart when I was a Freshman in HS. Before that I would get Grades of A once in a while, but at home a B was considered "good" and so I didn't push it. Good Enough was Good Enough. but in Freshman English we studied Shakespeare, and, you know, Shakespearean English IS almost like a Foreign Language, or at least a Dialect from a Valley WAY over the Horizon. but, I had went from read Kid's books to reading Swift and Dickens and so got familiar with reading with a dictionary by my side. And, I found that the little dictionaries didn't really cover 18th and 19th English Literature that well, and so I saved up and bought GOOD dictionaries. So, Shakespeare wasn't that much of an issue for me. So I got an A. Well, Holy Crap! I was the ONLY kid who got an A. It woke me up. It hit into my competitive spirit. Maybe Adolescence. but I decided to start getting A in everything. Apparently I had some setbacks, but I graduated in the Top 10% (at the Bottom of the Top.... my Twin Brother was a slot below me and I got a Gold Tassel but he only got a Silver... I was like 9.9% and he was 10.1%. It was a GOOD School in a Working Class Neighborhood. Our School, a small School, accounted for about 40% of the State Scholarship money in the whole state. So, yeah, being in the Top 10% of THOSE Kids was quite some honor. But, I don't know whether it would have happened without that A in friggen Shakespeare.
GREAT! That Cortisol Trick WORKS. Yes, I've had good reports before. but you're one more, and you studied Psychology. You know, I have six cats and so i get to practice all the time. The Cats will do stuff that bothers me when I am trying to concentrate or get things done, and so I am ALWAYS relaxing my jaw muscles, and the worst the Cats get is a "You Be Good!".
Oh, are you too screwed up to drive? yeah, you can drive. Even when I was on crutches, I was still driving. It seems that ANGRY People have a Field Day when they are driving. EVERYTHING Triggers them. But, yeah, use the Jaw Method (or in your case, you have Multiple Clues -- Fists, Tightness in Chess). Oh, but I had been Angry for Years, with the Exception that I would NOT get angry when driving. That may have been for several reasons. I had been an Airplane Pilot before I was old enough to Drive, and so I probably went into Driving with a more Professional Perspective. Also, I was more likely to be Empathetic with people who Speed and Cut Off Driviers and people who just Screw Up. One time when I was in college, I pulled out of a side street turning Left, and apparently there had been this BMW in my blindspot coming from the Right. Well, that Guy WHIPPED his Beemer into a Stores Parking Lot and then Whipps back in front of me. He saved us BOTH a lot of trouble (and personal injury.... there were no air bags back then). But the light ahead had turned Red and I thought I would get out of his car and punch me in the face. he only lit up a cigarette. Cool Huh! SO, how on God's Green Earth could I ever get mad at anybody, right? Next, when I was in the Army, well, Sergeants don't drive. They let one of the MEN drive. BUT, every once in a while the Guy you let drive would be all DRAMA -- cussing ans swearing and hitting the horn. I had to establish rules. "The rest of us are trying to have a nice day. You're job is driving. So drive. But you can do that on your own, right? The rest of us don't need to be bothered, right?" But I remembered that little speech. YES, we ALL are trying to have a nice day. So even if it is OURSELVES that are driving, why raise up any bothersome drama. Let the INNER CHAUFFEUR drive, and tell HIM to keep his mouth closed. Oh, also, I was a motorcyclist, and it ain't healthy to Flip People off when it is so easy for a car to kill you.
But, yeah, that reminds me of another thing. JUST NOT SAYING ANYTHING HELPS SO MUCH. You know when you get demonstratively Angry and you can't stop thinking about it ALL DAY. Well, that does not seem to happen if only you can NOT SAY A WORD. If you can STAY OUT OF IT your mind just lets it go. Your Mind does not Really Start To Care until you somehow jump in and take sides.
Now, Turning On Those Endless Thoughts, is not always a bad thing. as a Writer it is a Good Thing when your Head Can't Stop Thinking about something. Well, then you sit down and you are hit with the "Where Do I Start" and you have to structure it all. BUT you KNOW you have plenty of material. You really need to Edit and Select because you have so much.
But, yeah, PICK YOUR FIGHTS. Don't get triggered by little stuff. Oh, did you ever see "Point of No Return" with Bridget Fonda and Harvey Keitel . You can youtube the "Point of No Return (1993) I never did mind about the little things" scene where Ann Bancroft teaches Fonda about what to do instead of reacting with hostility or anger. Instead just smile and say "I never did mind about the little things" . Fast forward to the "Point of No Return 1993: Harvey Keitel The Cleaner", where an assassination job goes terrible wrong and Harvey Keitel is called in to Clean Up. Well, Fonda's partner in the job has a kind of nervous breakdown, and so Keitel just shoots her, and then looks at Fonda with eyes that say "Are you going to be a problem too?" and she smiles and says "I never did mind about the little things". So, yes, we have to go from reacting Emotionally to reacting Intellectually (like we're on a Football Field). there is all that hitting, but the best players are THINKING or REACTING only on relationship to the Ball and the Goal.
Oh! I was reading Ronald Potter-Efron (the best author in Anger Management Literature), his book "the Angry Brain" and it turns out there are TWO Types of Aggression. It seems that Predators are Quiet and focused, even as they pounce. It is the Defensive Animals that stir up a Fuss and make all the Noise. But it is Avoidant Behavior ! Ronald Potter-Efron did not make the Connection to Sports, BUT haven't you noticed that a Team that is Psyched Up and in the Zone is, well, QUIET... even when they Pounce. But what happens when a Team CHOKES and is unravelling and their Game is going to crap? NOISE and Plenty of it. The Coaches that should know better, start to Cuss and Throw Chairs (Avoidant Behavior. But you Can't Win by just NOT Losing... WINNING is largely an Active Process. It takes Initiative and Predatory Aggression to Win, and that is QUIET and Focused.
SO, when you are Triggered, consider it being 'Challenged to a Match', and then think "What is my Game Plan here?" It may be to defuse the present situation, so that you can Pick Your Own Battle Field later. It may be that you think that "This is a better friend than an enemy" and let the guy think he scored the point and take it like a Good Loser. Oh, often to become part of a Social Group, you have to start by accepting an Inferior Rank on the Status Ladder. Okay. There was a REALLY STUPID Movie, "The Karate Kid", which was really implausible because the BAD KID was made to seem to care about the Weak and Whimpy Kid, which NEVER Happens (Most High School Bullies, when confronted with it later, at Class Reunions, go "Who Me!?" There being Bullies was a Perception on the Other Side. They were just being themselves in their Social Group, and they were just acting out their Status Rank. Nothing Personal, right? SO, the BAD Kid and His Group give that little whimpy Karate Kid a hard time. but what does the Karate Kid do? he Cries and Runs Away. Actually, what was happening is that he was Being Initiated Into the Group, but RAN AWAY. I see it in my Feral Cat Feeding Colonies. New Cats can fight into the Colony AND LOSE, and lose BAD, but as long as they don't run away, they can say "Okay, when does That Guy come and Feed Us?" And they are Part of the Group, though their Rank had been established. When I was in the Army, I learned that you should NEVER win TWO fights. Win the first fight if you really think that you don't want to be THAT low on the Totem Pole, but if you Win the next fight, the fights won't stop. SOMEBODY will make it their business to stop your Social Climbing. So Lose. The Group will like you better for it. Oh, an you keep an eye on the Group. If the guy that kicks your azz is EVERYBODY's Friend, then he is your friend too. One of my Second Fights was this little scrappy Irish Guy from the Motor Pool. He started off my kicking me in the nuts and then basically he was able to dance on my head. They dragged me to the HQ Office and I told the First Sergeant and the Captain that "it was all my fault" because I was being a Pushy Headquarterw Clerk (my MainJob was that I was attached to the DIVISION Headquarters as a Clerk... which was a Step above This Little HQ ) and so I had a good azzkicking coming my way . But, "No Harm No Foul, right?" Does this have to Paper Worked? I'd LOVE to get a Good Conduct Metal. Couldn't I do Extra Duty somewhere for a Couple Weeks to teach me my Lesson"? The Captain and the TOP both said, "Yeah, sounds like a Plan. Get out of our Office" I dragged my wounded butt back to the Motor Pool with a Six Pack of Heinekens and said "Hadley, Jezis Krist , couldn't you have broke my arm", and I handed him the beers and said "I forget, but was it these we were fighting about?" And he laughed! From then on we were best Buddies. SO, don't react Emotionally. It should always be "Now HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PLAY THIS?"