Hi everyone . I come from China . I will share my story

I will use translation software to communicate with you.
I have a strong interest in psychology.
I will now share my growth story with you.
It’s best if you can read Chinese.
Let you feel the differences in cultures of different countries.

Translation
Months of self-healing

From my personal sharing, before I was exposed to psychology, I was a boy who was not very confident, low self-esteem, often conflicted, and did not love self-expression. What really brought me to the path of inner peace was to find the driving force from the inside out.

Part 1 "About my dislike of self-expression in my character"

When I was young, it should be before ten years old. After taking a shower one summer day that year, I told my mother that I would wear a red dress with a puppy pattern on the front. My mother answered me with a little teasing, because the regional dialect translated into Mandarin to the effect is: "You I want to wear something for myself when I’m still so young.


My mother's way of communication is not only here. It also appeared. When she saw me blowing my hair after taking a shower, if she was seen by my mother, she would use a slightly teasing way to say that the last sentence was "really stinky." After I grew up, this way of communication has affected me a lot. My mother’s seemingly unintentional remarks strengthened my behavior at the time (in order to stop receiving such evaluations). Some of my theories can explain many incredible actions at the time.


I started not to express my thoughts on my clothes. Only when there was no one at home did I start to blow my wet hair with a hair dryer. Also when I was blowing my hair, if my parents opened the door and returned home from the outside, I would He immediately unplugged the hair dryer that hadn’t dried his hair, pretended that nothing happened under their noses, and put the hair dryer back where it was. The strange thing was that I would do the same when my dad went home, even though my dad I have never said a word about these things.


These behaviors began to generalize and cover more things. At that time, it should be in the 5th and 6th grade of elementary school. At that time, family VCD was very popular. There will also be two long sound bars next to the TV. I brought a few elementary school classmates to my house. I just sang without doing anything else. I plugged in the wired microphone and started singing karaoke. I sang and heard someone in the corridor. With the sound of footsteps going upstairs (I could tell which was my dad's footsteps at that time), I hurriedly turned off the microphone, trying to restore everything.


I didn’t like to show myself at first. In class, even if I finish the math homework assigned by the teacher on the blackboard and it is all right, when the teacher asks if anyone has done all the right, I really want to raise my hand, but I dare not raise my hand. I couldn't explain why at the time, but I can still vaguely feel the inner conflict.


Part 2 "About inferiority complex in my character"


I have an older brother who is 5 years older than me. We are in the same elementary school. When I first went to middle school, my brother was already in high school. Under the material conditions at that time, my brother only had to wear the clothes left by my brother. It was nothing special at that time, because there were always a few unlucky people like me around. These were not really important. What made me the most unbearable was that my brother went to the eighth middle school in the county. I The middle school I went to was the town No. 1 middle school. Can you imagine how I was wearing the uniform of the county No. 8 middle school and then going to the town No. 1 middle school? It feels terrible. I started not to touch the eyes of others with my eyes, so as to avoid that when the eyes of the two met, the eyes of others could not stay on the uniform with the name of the other school written on my chest.


During that period, I often walked with my head down. If I were not shopping with my mother, my mother said that why I kept walking with my head down, I didn't even realize it, but this sentence did not change my subconsciousness at the time. At that time, I didn't have this sense of consciousness either. This sense of inferiority has run through at least a long time in my student days.


Part 3 "About physiological phenomena caused by psychological problems"


My family environment is a family environment with little communication. If someone gave proper guidance at that time, I think I should be able to handle the problems at that time.


When I was in high school, because of a trivial incident, this trivial incident happened to be the trigger for the grievances between me and my family. I argued with my dad, and my dad yelled at me and I returned. In a word, he just slapped me on my right cheek, and my ears buzzed. This was a big event for me, who was about to be an adult at the time! The most direct consequence of this incident was that it created terrible conditioned reflexes. As long as someone had a high pitch when arguing (even if I was an unintentional bystander), my right ear would buzz from time to time. Buzz (this behavior has been with me for several years).


And I regard this incident as a symbol. Whenever I want to express my thoughts to the other person, my subconscious mind is actually very scared. In reality, I am either timid, or I have an unusual desire to break through the invisible obstacles. I will suddenly and unexpectedly raise a decibel at an untimely time. From the analysis, I am subconsciously timid because I am afraid of expressing it. The punishment I would face, the obstacle I wanted to break, was when this happened, I wanted to immediately ask my dad: "Didn't I just ask that? I'm not wrong!".


After I started working, apart from my professional knowledge of employment, I was almost a blank sheet of paper. At that time, I was working at a small-scale company at home. I didn’t know how to communicate when I encountered a problem. What I thought was that I would be The other party thinks that the ability is not enough, and it seems that it is actually a normal communication behavior at the time, but I could not distinguish it at the time. I was working hard there. I felt a lot of pressure. On the one hand, I was worried about what I did and the communication at the time. No, on the one hand, I felt a lot of pressure under the circumstances in which I made my choice at that time. I had insomnia and anxiety during that time. With this working model, after a few years in the workplace, I became a mind for a time. Tool of. Under this self-made pressure, my heart often conflicted, and my blood pressure began to rise normally. When my anxiety is very strong, small packets will start to bulge behind my ears, which is a physical discomfort.


Part 4 "How do I connect events in my life?"

Although I can connect the influence of these things on me, it has greatly helped me, and I am relieved. But it didn’t solve my problem immediately. I still have to remind myself that when I encounter such a problem, I cannot deal with the problem according to my previous thinking inertia, reorganize my cognition of the stressor, and evaluate the stressor brought to my life. Actual impact. And continue to encourage yourself.


Before that, I was like a walking corpse, I couldn't see life in my eyes, and I wasn't interested in anything. I also didn’t realize that I had a problem. It was reading that brought me out of this psychological gloom. I found resonance in other people’s stories, saw the strength of others, and saw that anyone will have what he faces. problem. These stories have brought me warmth or encouragement, such as Li Na's "My AB Face is Crossing Fire", Yao Ming's "My World, My Dream", and Yang Daihui's "Above University, There Is Life".


It is also a coincidence (that feeling in retrospect seems to have been arranged by fate) accidentally saw a book of "Psychology and Life" and tried to read it.


At first, I read the above content aloud in order to allow myself to see the content (it is difficult to understand for me as a novice). When I found that psychology is divided into several major theoretical schools, it was quite subverting my initial understanding of psychology. Simple cognition, I initially thought that psychology is a psychological placebo, it is to comfort people who have been hurt, and persuade people to look at things that are negative in themselves with a positive attitude. The general one word is to give people "Comfort", it seems that my understanding at the time was too simple.


Then I started to use meditation. At first, I just used it to recall what I did today. Later, I started to notice the conflicts in my heart at certain moments of the day, and what caused it. For a long time) I began to explore deeper psychological motivations. Begin to use some theories that I have learned, and analyze myself with my own understanding. So at the beginning of the article, I wrote about myself and the impact of some experiences in the growth environment on myself. It wakes me up like a divine enlightenment.


original

来自我的个人分享，在我没有接触到心理学之前，我一个不太自信、自卑、内心经常冲突、不爱自我表现的这样一个男生。真正的将我带入内心祥和之路的是找到了由内而外的驱动力。

Part 1 “关于我性格中的不爱展现自我”

在我小的时候，应该是在十周岁以前。那年夏季的一天洗完澡后，我跟妈妈说我要穿红色的前面有小狗图案的衣服，妈妈用略带取笑的方式回答了我，由于是地区方言译为普通话大意是：“你还这么小，就想要自己穿什么，真臭美”。

我妈的这种沟通方式不仅出现在这里。还出现在了，当她看见我洗完澡后在吹头发的时候，如果被妈妈看见也会用略带取笑的方式说上一句大意是“真臭美”。这种沟通方式在长大成人后的，现在的我看来，影响到了我很多，母亲看似一句无心的话，却强化了我当时的行为（为了不再收到这样的评价），用我学到我的一些理论，可以解释在当时很多不可思议的一些举动。

我开始逐渐在自己穿衣服上不发表想法，只有在家里没人的时候我才开始用吹风机吹我湿哒哒的头发，另外当我正在吹头发，如果爸妈从外面开门回到家，我会立马将还没有吹干头发的吹风机电源拔掉，在他们的眼皮底下装作什么都没发生一样，将吹风机放回原处，奇怪的是我看见我爸回家也会这样做，虽然我爸从没有没有因为这些事情说过我半句。

这些行为开始泛化覆盖到更多的事情上，在当时应该是在小学5、6年级，那时候很流行家庭VCD。电视机旁边还会立两个长条的音响，我带着几个小学同学来到了我家，其它都不干就只唱歌，插好有线话筒开始唱卡拉OK，唱着唱着听到楼道里有人正在上楼的脚步声（那时候我是可以分辨出哪个是我爸的脚步声），我开始急忙收掉话筒，想要将一切复原。

我开始不爱展现自己，在课堂上就算我完成老师布置在黑板上的数学作业，并且全对，当老师问起有没有人全做对，我很想举手，但是我不敢举手，当时的我解释不了为什么，但是那种内心的冲突我现在还能隐隐约约感受得到。

Part 2 “关于我性格中的自卑”

我有一个年长我5岁的哥哥，小学我们是在同一所学校，我刚上中学时，我哥已经上了高中，在那时候的物质条件下，弟弟只有穿哥哥剩下衣服的份，在那时候这也没什么特别，因为身边总能找出几个像我这样的倒霉蛋，这些其实都不太重要，最让我受不了的是，我哥当时上的中学是县八中，我上的中学是镇一中，你能想象得到我当时穿着县八中的校服，然后去镇一中上学的心情吗？真是让人感觉糟糕透顶。我开始不去用眼神接触别人的目光，好避免两人眼神交汇时，别人的目光可以不停留在，我这胸前写着其他学校名称的校服身上。

那段时期我常低着头走路，如果我不是陪我妈逛街，我妈说我怎么老是低着头走路，我自己都没意识到，但是这句话并没有改变我当时的那种潜意识，当时的我也没有这种觉悟感，这种自卑感贯穿了我至少在学生时代的很长一段时间。

Part 3 “关于心理问题引发的生理现象”

我的家庭环境是一个几乎没有沟通的家庭环境，如果当时有人适当的引导，我想我当时应该能处理好那时的问题。

在我上高中时期，因为一件小事，恰巧这件小事成为了我跟家庭之间早已相互埋下怨气爆发的导火索，我跟我爸理论，我爸对我大声吼斥，我回了一句，他给我就是一耳光，打在我右脸上，我耳朵当时就嗡嗡作响。这对当时快要成年的我来说，是一件不小的事件！ 这件事带给我最直接的后果是，给我制造了可怕的条件反射，只要有人在争吵时音调很高（就算我是无意参与其中的旁观者），我右耳就会时不时的发出嗡嗡声（这种行为一直伴随了我长达数年之久）。

并且我将这次事件当成了一个符号象征，每当我遇到想要跟对方表达自己的想法时，我的潜意识其实都很恐惧。现实中的我要么胆怯，要么有种异常想冲破无形当中的这股障碍的想法表露，我会莫名的突然的不恰时宜的提高一个分贝，现在分析看来，我潜意识胆怯的是害怕表达过后会遭到的惩罚，我想冲破的障碍，是发生这件事的当时，我想立马对我爸反问的一句话：“我不就这么问了一句吗？我又没错！”。

参加工作以后，除了就业专业知识以外，我几乎是一张白纸，那时候在家规模不大的公司上班，遇到问题我也不清楚该怎么沟通，在我脑海里面当时想的是，会被对方认为能力不够，在现在看来其实是正常的需求沟通行为，但是我当时无法区分，我就在那里埋头苦干，我使我感觉到压力很大，一方面担心自己做的跟当时的沟通不对，一方面又在当时自己做出选择的情境下感觉压力很大，那段时间有失眠，也感觉焦虑，我带着这种工作模式，初熬了几年职场后，令我一度成为思想的工具。在这种自己制造的压力下，内心经常冲突，血压开始正常往上偏高。当我的焦虑感异常强烈的时候，耳后会开始隆起小包，这些生理不适感。

Part 4 “我如何将生活中的事件串联起来？”

虽然我可以将这些事情对我的影响串联起来，并对我产生了非常大的帮助，让我释然。但并没有立马解决我的问题，我还是得提醒自己，遇到这样的问题，不能按之前的思维惯性来处理问题，重新组织对应激源的认知，评估应激源给我生活带来的实际影响。并不断鼓励自己。

在此之前我如同行尸走肉般，我的眼神里面看不到生机，对任何事情都提不起兴趣。我也并未觉察出自己出现了问题，是阅读带我走出了这一段心理阴霾期，从别人的故事里找到了共鸣，看到了别人的坚强， 也看到了任何人都会有他自己所面临的问题。这些故事曾给我带来温暖或鼓励，李娜《我的AB面正在交火》、姚明《我的世界，我的梦》，阳代慧《大学之上，还有人生》。

说起来也是机缘巧合（那种感觉现在回想起来就像似被命运冥冥中早已安排）无意间看到了一本《心理学与生活》的书，并尝试开始阅读。

起初我为了能让自己将内容看进去（对我这种小白其实比较难理解），朗读上面的内容，当发现心理学分为几个大的理论流派时，还是挺颠覆我对心理学最开始浅显的认知，我最初认为心理学就是一剂心理安慰剂，就是劝慰受到过伤害的人，并且将本身就是消极的事情劝人们用积极的心态去看待，总的一个词概括就是给人以“安慰”，现在看来是我当时的理解太过浅显。

然后我开始使用冥想，最开始我只是用来回想我今天一天都干了什么，后来我开始留意我一天当中的某些时刻内心存在冲突，是因为什么导致的，就这样一步一步（其实是花了很长一段时间）我开始探究更为深层次的心理动因。开始用自学到的某些理论，以自己的理解，对自己开始剖析。于是有了文章开头，我写下的关于自己的，成长环境中的一些经历对自我的影响。如醍醐灌顶般令我醒悟。