Does my GF have anger issues? I could use some help

**Posts:** 3 · by **NewGuy12** » Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:51 pm

Hey everyone, i'm new here so bear with me

I feel alone in this situation and am not sure where to turn.

My GF of 6 months appears to have some anger issues. She was raised in a bad home with a mother who always yelled, was very controlling and condescending. At 16 she was in an abusive relationship for almost 3 years. I'm not sure if this background is relevant as we discussed these were parts of her past and no longer effected her.

Nonetheless, here I stand. I'm now afraid to tell her when I feel she is being unnecessarily angry at me or irrational. I used to tell her, but it only made her boil up and get even more irritated. When she raises her voice to me I just shut down and try to remove myself from the situation. I've told her many times I don't appreciate her raising her voice to me and I believe it is unnecessary. Its all good and dandy for 3-4 days and then out of nowhere something small will set her off and she gets extremely irritated and irrational about something, always raising her voice and yelling at me.

These circumstances happen every few days or so. Some examples: She asked what type of fruit I wanted with breakfast at the grocery store. I told her it didn't matter - she got mad

I suggested we buy a different brand of mushrooms so we didn't have to go to a grocery store thats a 20 minute walk each way - she got irritated and upset

I want to help her cope, but I'm at a loss for what to do. She doesn't think I listen to her when shes yelling at me and the matter of fact is, I just don't want to be yelled at anymore. I've told her so many times the way she speaks to me is demeaning, but she seems to think it isn't. She is so convinced the way she is talking to me is normal and ok.

I love her and she makes me a better person, but this issue is slowly building up to become an issue and one that is now affecting me.

Can you tell me if you think she has an anger problem?

What can I do to help resolve this?

Thank You

**Posts:** 3 · by **NewGuy12** » Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:17 pm

Reported in relationships. I think it setter suited. Thank you

**Posts:** 11 · by **Daveyboyz** » Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:35 pm

I had a lot of issues like this with my GF of 4 years. I am travelling tomorrow to go and see her and break up with her in an adult way (because we have been having a long distance relationship and we are breaking up but she has been very spiteful and unwilling to be honest with me, she is very angry and I expect she will be furious to see me...but I feel if we can sit down for a few hours it will be a nice way to end things nicely)

Anyway, I tried telling her that anger will destroy our relationship and that she shouldn't get angry at me because we are a team and I am on her side. When the anger disappeared from her for over a year I realise its because she had fallen out of love with me and didn't care any longer.

I hope you find a solution to your problems, but don't be afraid to walk away early. I persevered and finally found someone that I can truly say I wish I had never met. I love the girl but she is toxic to me...I should have been stronger in the first place and said that this is a bad idea, but most people with severe personality deficits also have good things about them too and I just focused on those.

**Posts:** 12 · by **honeydew** » Wed Jul 23, 2014 1:28 pm

Hi there

You mentioned that your girlfriend grew up in an angry household. It does seem like "anger" has been ingrained into her life and become her norm. No wonder when you try to communicate with her that she should stop he yelling as it's not correct or normal, she does not understand you! Yelling is her norm, just as much as speaking quietly and reasonably is yours.

I do think that if there's a lot of love in this relationship, and if she is willing, some compromises can be made. However, you need to speak to her when she's not agitated.... so... wait for the right time, wait until she's happy and content, and then bring up the issue with how you do not like it when she yells. Don't tell her this in a condescending or confrontational way, just tell her that this is an issue that concerns you and it's something that you would like to see worked on so both of you can progress and take the relationship to the next level. If she denies that there is a problem..well... then you need to think seriously about whether or not you see yourself embracing her her angry outbursts as one of her imperfections you accept. If she's willing to work on it, then make an agreement with each other that angry outbursts will no longer be tolerated.

Following this talk, if she gets into her angry outburst again... DO NOT .. I repeat.. DO NOT ... agitate her by trying to talk to her if she starts screaming again. You cannot induce someone to speak logically when they are not in a logical mental state. Instead, simply tell her, "we agreed this isn't to be tolerated" and then walk out. Remove yourself from the situation so she can calm down and cool off in peace. I think your presence during her yelling, whether you are trying to reason with her or tuning out her screams, is inadvertently rewarding her behavior because she gets a sensation that you are communicating with her. So you have to take away the satisfaction of communication for her to subconsciously realize that her yells will not be accepted.. literally. Continue the conversation once she has calmed down, and life will go on!

**Posts:** 25 · by **PhilShackleford** » Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:46 pm

NewGuy12 wrote:Reported in relationships. I think it setter suited. Thank you

I think it is better suited as well

**Posts:** 25 · by **PhilShackleford** » Thu Jul 31, 2014 6:54 pm

Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you have now have joined to forum to get support.

Does my GF have anger issues? I could use some help

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