Need some advice

**Posts:** 2 · by **Nimador** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 5:44 pm

Ok it kinda blends in with relationships but it's more about me than that. I've recently broke up with a long term partner, and now I feel like a shell of my former self, I have no love for myself (even though there's nothing wrong with me), no love for anything anymore, I exist and that's it, sometimes I feel like 'why should i' but I'm not suicidal and quickly quash these thoughts! Ever since I was little I've had low self esteem and confidence in my abilities. I know I sound whiney but I don't know where else to turn, it's getting to the point where I fear that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, even though my personality won't allow it, but I'm stuck with these thoughts. I would like to ask to speak to members of this forum to see how they are battling/defeated this problem. I'm open to pretty much anything. If you have questions, please pm me and I'll let you know more. Thank you for your time

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 6:06 pm

Nimador wrote:...it's getting to the point where I fear that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life...

Why would that be such a bad thing? Would it really be that horrible?

https://www.buzzfeed.com/maitlandquitme ... .fi1bmYlxj

Work on building your self-confidence. The reason it is called building, is because you have to actively construct. This requires you start by setting small goals, building that first floor, the foundation. You then continue to build, scaffolding the goals as they get more challenging.

It sounds like with you at least one goal should be a solitary retreat. Take a week alone, no contact with the outside world. Listen to the works of Seneca, read the craft of the warrior, learn to appreciate yourself and not to fear being alone.

**Posts:** 58 · by **betawarrior** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 8:28 pm

Whenever I notice I am brooding and wallowing in self-pity, I generally try to get out of my shell and interact with people. The problem with low confidence and self-esteem is that you actually become more self-absorbed. Generally it's okay to reflect on yourself and be self-aware, but becoming self-absorbed just makes you more isolated from others, causing you to feel worse about yourself, and thus becoming even more isolated. It's a vicious cycle.

Now is the time for you to start noticing the people around you - friends, family, co-workers, strangers, etc. What is it you like about the people in your life? What is it you don't like? What is it you appreciate? What is it that annoys you? Set a time limit (maybe 30 minutes a day) and go people watching. Write in a journal about the people around you. Hell, have a conversation if you want.

But don't focus on yourself.

**Posts:** 2 · by **Nimador** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 8:53 pm

Me being by myself is OK, I have no problems with that, I was meaning no companionship etc. The retreat is a good idea, thanks for it.

I work as a chef and that takes up most of my time, so no time to think about myself, but when I am alone it all comes. I smoke to stop myself thinking. (I know that this is escapism). To watch people get on with their lives is something I enjoy doing anyway. The part about talking to people is more difficult, I have terrible people skills (hence the chef bit) and making small talk is an insurmountable challenge. Now I've annoyed myself with talking about myself, :evil:

I know that self pity is not good, I have no-one to talk about these issues with. So I look online as an anonymous to talk for outside experiences.

**Posts:** 330 · by **cynthialeighton** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 9:07 pm

Nimador wrote: I have terrible people skills (hence the chef bit) and making small talk is an insurmountable challenge.

If you're serious about it you can overcome it. In fact, there's an old book that can help you by Dale Carnegie. It's called "How to win friends and influence people" and your local library probably has a copy or can get one for you on interlibrary loan. Pick up the phone and call your library so they can have it ready and waiting for you to pick it up

Need some advice

#1

#2

#3

#4

Main Menu

Confidence and Self Esteem Resources

Recent posts

Active topics

Contact Us