post hypnotic suggestions for reducing flaking - in pickup

I meet a girl in a club, we have a chat, she gives me her number but then she does not meet me.

This happens a lot.

Why do you think that is?

jimmyh wrote:

I meet a girl in a club, we have a chat, she gives me her number but then she does not meet me.

This happens a lot.

Why do you think that is?

Two non-trivial, constructive ideas come to mind:

1) Her state has changed: what seemed like a good idea - when I was present - is not anymore 3 days later.
=> I can use PHS to bring her state back on cue (text from me).

2) She has to filter her decision (to meet / not to meet) through many (rational, social, self-image, emotional) filters - she was not paying attention to these filters when I was with her.
=> I can use PHS to not pay attention to these filters when deciding about meeting me or not.

Does this make sense ?

Why is it that you want to trick someone into liking you?

Could be one of those. Those things happen.

However it's interesting that you had to qualify "nontrivial" and "constructive". Does that mean that if the real reason is 3) she never did like you and just gave you a number to get you to go away, then you don't see room for anything more to be learned and it seems impossible to do something to improve your odds here?

Because to me that one seems *furthest* from trivial and allowing for the most construction.

quietvoice wrote:Why is it that you want to trick someone into liking you?

Why do you dress up for a job interview? Does having nice clothes make you a better person? Or does having better clothes make you seem like a better person, via the halo effect, essentially tricking the interviewer into liking you?

Do you tell the man sitting next to you on the bus that you farted? He deserves to know that his air had been contaminated, doesn't he?

Do you tell your wife that she looks fat in all her dresses, probably because she is fat? After all, she asked for your opinion, right?

Do you tell your customer that the additional charge on top of the service serves no purpose but to get more money out of him? He should know how his money is being spent, right?

When you get right down to it, a very large chunk of social interaction is trickery. Some of it is definitely wrong--if jhegedus42 were telling women he was a famous movie producer, he'd probably have some success with that, but I'd consider that unethical. However, attempting to appear more attractive itself is not unethical--I bet most of these girls he's talking to are wearing makeup.

jimmyh wrote:Could be one of those. Those things happen.

However it's interesting that you had to qualify "nontrivial" and "constructive". Does that mean that if the real reason is 3) she never did like you and just gave you a number to get you to go away, then you don't see room for anything more to be learned and it seems impossible to do something to improve your odds here?

Because to me that one seems *furthest* from trivial and allowing for the most construction.

Yeah, true, but IMHO 3) is too vague to be useful in itself, I need to be more specific than that, "like me" is good but how to achieve that exactly ? What does liking mean exactly ? One "symptom" of she liking me is she meeting me again. "Liking" does correlate with "meeting again". If I can optimize for "meeting again" somehow, in a more specific, targeted way, then that is a more specific, clear goal towards making her like me.

Also, the problem is that I don't really have opportunity/time to really make her like me (enough) when I meet her for the first time, so I would rather optimize for seeing her again, one on one, where I have more time to make her like me / getting to know eachother, build trust etc.

Some ideas that I have about how to make her want to meet me again:

1) Somehow connecting in her mind the idea of "meeting again" with the current feeling of joy/curiosity. Every time when I trigger a feeling of attraction/liking I could - somehow - link that feeling to the idea of "meeting again" , without it feeling forced.
2) Reminding her of a first date with someone special.
3) Using a cue, something that makes her think about me a lot when I am gone. Maybe a story about Apple, the phone she has, iPhone, linking her phone to me / meeting me again. So every time she looks at her phone ...
4) Somehow making her feel good about herself when she thinks about the idea of "meeting again" - compliments, associated to "meeting again" ?


I really don't know how to go about this. Never done this before, just trying to be a little bit creative. Got inspired by Erickson books. Hypnosis seems to be the art of installing ideas, without resistance, I think I could get inspiration from hypnosis on how to install the idea of "meeting again".

The situation usually is not a definite no, but also not a definite yes. I am not super attractive but also not super repulsive. I am pretty average. I try to push the odds towards my favour. There are lots of situations which are not clear YES/NO, in those, perhaps communication can push the odds into one way or the other.

For example, last week I went into a make-up store and had a chat with a girl for 50 mins, who was there looking for "nothing", like when I am bored I go to check out the new laptops. We chatted a while on facebook on the following few days but then the thing died away. I think some good communication there could have made a difference.

quietvoice wrote:Why is it that you want to trick someone into liking you?

I am not really sure I can trick anyone into liking me at all.

Who is me ?

If I make someone laugh once, then that joke was funny.
If I make someone laugh 10 times then I was funny.

Yeah, I think hypnosis could help you, but it's not the best thing you could be doing. Hypnosis enables you to fight an uphill battle, but it would be better for you to identify why you're not making a connection with these girls, and make it not an uphill battle.

I'd suggest taking the conversation through several topics, and taking the girl to a different place. Don't be the guy from the bar, or the guy who talked about photography. What I mean is, don't allow yourself to be identified in her mind by a single place or a single topic. Forge a deeper connection, and you'll do better than hypnosis.

saladinsmith wrote: identify why you're not making a connection with these girls...

... Forge a deeper connection, and you'll do better than hypnosis.

Yes, deeper connection is part of my goal, thanks for pointing that out. It might be indeed all what is needed.

Say, if I have 15-20 minutes time to talk to them, because they have to go somewhere, during the day (where I sometimes meet them), then maybe it would be good to divide that 20 minutes into :
5 minutes on humor +
10 minutes on connection +
1-2 minutes to build a time-bridge (i.e. to see her again).

For the time-bridge I was thinking getting inspiration from post-hypnotic suggestions.

I'd say that as early as possible, you should say that your time is limited, and you'll have to leave soon. That makes you look important, and it also makes her less likely to invent a reason to leave, because she thinks you're about to leave. If she still says she needs to leave, she probably has a legitimate reason.

Have a conversation about several topics, and at some point get her to go somewhere with you. "Hey, this place has good drinks, but for good food, there's this other place around the corner. Want to check it out?" Now you're not associated with a particular place or a particular topic in her mind.

Then make a plan for some point in the future. She likes art? "I'm going down to the museum with a few friends on Sunday. Want to come along?" Your friends are included because it makes you look popular, and she won't be alone with a total stranger she just met, which is understandably something some women can be wary about.

Tell her to call you to confirm that she's coming on the day. If she doesn't call you, go anyway, and then tell her about it later or in text, or maybe send a picture of you and your friends there. This sends the message that your plans don't revolve around her, and that she missed out on a good time, so she should be more interested the next time you invite her somewhere.

Pretty solid ideas. Need to see how I can incorporate these into my actions.

"alone with a total stranger she just met" - yeah, a feeling of safety is important, need to think about how to achieve that without sacrificing the mystery aspect ... "random stranger" can be exiting too

Yeah, true, but IMHO 3) is too vague to be useful in itself, I need to be more specific than that, "like me" is good but how to achieve that exactly ? What does liking mean exactly ? One "symptom" of she liking me is she meeting me again. "Liking" does correlate with "meeting again". If I can optimize for "meeting again" somehow, in a more specific, targeted way, then that is a more specific, clear goal towards making her like me.

Ah, okay.

I have lot's to say, but not the time to explain it now. Instead I'm forced to be terse to the point of pehaps being a bit cryptic.

Aim for "meeting again" over "getting her number'. Aim for "liking me" over "meeting again". Aim for whatever the reason is for you want her to like you over getting her to like you. Aim for whatever comes above that, and that which is above that. Yes, at some point you need to observe the concrete for feedback, but beware Goodheart's law. Be very very wary of Goodheart's law.

It's a lot of really really deep and confusing work figuring out why you want what you want, and why you want that, but without it Goodheart's law will wreck you every time - and the better you get at achieving what you set out to achieve, the further astray you will lead yourself and the more lost you'll end up.

Keep an eye on the prize at all times.