Not happy with my job. Should I quit?

calmy12 wrote: So why can't I get over him?

Because your infatuated with a fantasy. When you start focusing your time and energy on other things, socialize with others and form new, real relationships you will get over your fantasy.

"Because your infatuated with a fantasy. When you start focusing your time and energy on other things, socialize with others and form new, real relationships you will get over your fantasy."

D is a real person. He's not a fictional character. I'm not sure what you mean by a 'fantasy'.

"When you start focusing your time and energy on other things..."

This is the hard part. For me, it means to let go of something. Half of me is holding onto the belief that that things will change... It's like those people spending money on buying lottery tickets knowing that the chance of winning is small, but they keep on holding to the belief that they will win... When you feel crushed, it's really hard to concentrate and focus on other things.

calmy12 wrote:"Because your infatuated with a fantasy. When you start focusing your time and energy on other things, socialize with others and form new, real relationships you will get over your fantasy."

D is a real person. He's not a fictional character. I'm not sure what you mean by a 'fantasy'.

"When you start focusing your time and energy on other things..."

This is the hard part. For me, it means to let go of something. Half of me is holding onto the belief that that things will change... It's like those people spending money on buying lottery tickets knowing that the chance of winning is small, but they keep on holding to the belief that they will win... When you feel crushed, it's really hard to concentrate and focus on other things.

Yes, there are two D's. There is D the real person and D the fictional character in your mind. You only have little pieces of information about the real D, some facts. You then take those few facts and in your head weave together a fantasy D. Your infatuation with D makes you pay close attention to the real D to try and get more facts, more information about his body language, his likes, his dislikes and as you gain these facts you adjust in your mind your fantasy D. You can then fantasize using the fictional D, pretending and telling yourself in such and such situation this is how real D would respond.

D is similar to fantasy relationships many people create with sitcom characters. The character played on TV are actors, but people are known to take the little bits of information from each episode and they create fantasies of having relationships with the actors, not the characters. When the sitcom ends, people are known to experience grief. Just because D is not on a sitcom does not make what is taking place much different.

You are living in the fantasy you create, in a denial of reality, illusion and a mental self-war (in your head).

You may need to see a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist or a hypnotist who can snap you out of your unreal thoughts.

Or you can continue to be that way to keep documenting everything you want, and keep posting it here, and someday you can write a novel... not a bad idea though. Or somebody else will write it for you. LOL

You guys/gals are freaking me out here about the two Ds but your thoughts to my situation really help.

I don't suffer from hullucinations/Schizophrenia/delusions or whatever you called it.

What I'm going through is an ordinary crush or lovesickness. ie. I fell for D but the love is not returned and I am sad about it.

I understand that if I don't be care, this crush can get out of hand and be deadly. I admit that at one stage, I fell so deeply in love with D. I wanted him so bad and I felt hopless. I cried in the car in the middle of the night, thinking about D as I listened to love songs like, Unchained melody and Nights in white satin... I still listen to those music everyday because those songs make me sad and comfy.

What you are saying is the perceptions I formed about D in my mind are not real. Is that right? I don't really know the real D that much to be in love with him.

I could be daydreaming about the romantic side of D. ie I do long for the moment where I have my arms wrapped around D's body. However, the truth is, D at this moment properly isn't thinking about me. He could be sitting in the couch with his wife watching tv.

Sadly, I feel like I am wasting my time dreaming of D. I can't help it. It feels both romantic and comfortable in a sad way.

The company had sent D to do a course one after another. D is doing things productively. His future looks bright. I don't know what to say about me. I know if I keep carrying on like this, I will be sabotaging my life because time doesn't stop for me.

That two D's sound like an interesting concept. Whenever I daydream about D again. I will remind myself that it is not real. I need to snap out of this.
Yes, It's sad in a comfortable way but a real time waster.

I think the environment has an affect on my situation. If I had not worked for this company, I would not have fell for D.

What hope I get well soon and get back to reality. How can I turn this in a win-to-win situation? Obviously, I'm still love with D. But I know D doesn't love me.

calmy12 wrote:I don't suffer from hullucinations/Schizophrenia/delusions or whatever you called it.

I don't think anyone was implying you were, Calmy

What I'm going through is an ordinary crush or lovesickness. ie. I fell for D but the love is not returned and I am sad about it.

Yes. I've been in a similar situation. I think the issue is when it goes on for so long that it keeps you in a 'loop'; instead of continuing to be all 'hearts and flowers' etc (or whatever you want to call it) it prevents you from growing and moving forward with your life. While you're pining for someone who is not available, you aren't going to either enjoy the freedom of being single, nor are you going to find the real man of your dreams

I cried in the car in the middle of the night, thinking about D as I listened to love songs like, Unchained melody and Nights in white satin... I still listen to those music everyday because those songs make me sad and comfy.

I think this is what might be to blame for keeping you in this 'loop'. Instead of torturing yourself, why not hide the love songs for a while and add a stack of fun, feel-good tunes to your stereo?

I could be daydreaming about the romantic side of D. ie I do long for the moment where I have my arms wrapped around D's body. However, the truth is, D at this moment properly isn't thinking about me. He could be sitting in the couch with his wife watching tv.

Well, I'm afraid this may be the case.

I don't know what to say about me. I know if I keep carrying on like this, I will be sabotaging my life because time doesn't stop for me.

Very true, I'm afraid. Having said that, you have the rest of your life in front of you, which means you can make some changes - set some goals, start enjoying life and learn to stand up for your self

I think the environment has an affect on my situation. If I had not worked for this company, I would not have fell for D.

I used to think that about my 'crush'. Though it's happened. Try to learn something from every experience - good or bad.

One way or another, you are put on within the workplace, so D is a way of dealing with that. I'm wondering if this crush is your (albeit unconscious) way of escaping?

calmy12 wrote:What I'm going through is an ordinary crush or lovesickness.

I understand that if I don't be care, this crush can get out of hand and be deadly. I admit that at one stage, I fell so deeply in love with D. I wanted him so bad and I felt hopless. I cried in the car in the middle of the night, thinking about D as I listened to love songs like, Unchained melody and Nights in white satin... I still listen to those music everyday because those songs make me sad and comfy.

The above two statements contradict. An ordinary crush does not result in falling "deeply in love with D" and/or crying in the middle of the night while listening to sad music everyday.

As Herbie suggests, stop listening to sad music. Stop reinforcing your fantasy. Find other ways to use your time. Read a book, join a club, volunteer at an animal shelter.

I think it is normal for someone having crush on someone else sometimes. But you need to learn not to be naive or stupid about the situation of the person you have crush on. And it's been for so long. He's married, and you're nothing to him. Leave him alone, and take care of yourself. You are not a teenager, are you? Many kids have a puppy love, and they can get out of that and move on. I believe you are an adult; you can do better than teenagers.

Look up on Google for this youtube: Life a Train Journey - youtube.

D is back from his leave. He looks a lot older but I still find him very attractive and handsome. Just wish he was mine. He's planning to take another leave next month. That says it all.

I have tried not to think of D and I have reminded myself about the two D's... but my life seems like it's missing something when I don't think of him.
When I think of D, I get a sense of hope. Even though it causes disappointment... like today just after work, I saw him coming in the bus. instead of entering the front door where I was standing, he walked in the back door with another collegue and I felt like a loner while they both talk on the bus.

I have this feeling that next month is my last month at the company.. I have a collegue working in the HR department and she asked me if I'm doing active job hunting. She asked this question twice. I get the impression that she know that my job is not steady... so I need to work harder in looking for a new job.

I don't want to loose D. It would be very sad..if our lives do ended up going separate ways, I hope I could see him again in the future.

You can feel satisfied in yourself, You are enough, you are beautiful and only you can convince yourself of this fact.

D doesn't look into my eyes with warmth and excitement anymore.
Today, as he explain something to me, he stared into my eyes in a serious manner. It's sad how the story unfolds. When stationery got delivered today, he didn't help me carry the boxes in. Instead, he went to the lunch room texting messages to someone

When I'm near him, I feel scared and couldn't do my work properly. I had trouble composing a simple letter for my supervisor and she was chasing for it at the end of the day and wasn't pleased when I told her that I was waiting for HR to sign it since our boss was absent today.

Came home with a headache...Just wish I could escape from D and from this job.
Wish life was simple where I can land into any jobs without doing job huntimg.

If you would like more love in your life then be more loving. Love yourself more, love other people more and love this moment more. Life is simple in that way

calmy12 wrote:D is back from his leave. He looks a lot older but I still find him very attractive and handsome. Just wish he was mine. He's planning to take another leave next month. That says it all.

No, I think all it says is that he's due some annual leave.

but my life seems like it's missing something when I don't think of him.

No doubt. So how about you think of a few nice ways to fill it that doesn't involve D? Anything from learning Hungarian to cookery or helping the homeless - whatever takes your fancy

When I think of D, I get a sense of hope. Even though it causes disappointment...

Yes, because it is false hope. Do you accept that he isn't going to declare is undying love for you?

like today just after work, I saw him coming in the bus. instead of entering the front door where I was standing, he walked in the back door with another collegue and I felt like a loner while they both talk on the bus.

To put it bluntly: he's a colleague he's entitled to sit wherever and talk to whoever he wants. I doubt if it's anything personal, just that he wanted to chat to someone else on that particular occasion.

Today, D approached me in a nice friendly manner but it turned out he just wanted to chase up for his o/t payments that he forgot to indicate on the timesheets. Looks like I will get in trouble again from the finance manager because I didn't pick up his o/t hours.

Every time I come home from work, I feel a sense of sadness and loneliness invading my mind and my body. I feel trapped. 'Trapped' because I never have any good luck with getting a good job.' In my current job, I'm still a casual worker, working for 5 days. The last two jobs, I was also a casual worker. i don't have the luxuries like what other people have ie taking leaves or claiming o/t hours. Not that I want to have those luxuries, but I feel like I'm working harder and not smarter and I do worried that one day I might ended up being a destitute. My parents keep telling me to leave. But I can't - not until I find another job. But all jobs are the same. I treat all my collegues at work as if they were part of my family. That's why I keep buying things without asking my money back and stayed back for free just to tidy up the office. I don't know what I'm doing to myself. I don't know how to escape from this situation and from D.

Only you can choose to free your mind from worry, you are perfect just the way that you are.